If you really want to change your life, stop doing these 7 things

For as long as I can recall, I’ve been on a relentless quest for self-improvement.

From the countless self-help books lining my shelves to the array of personal development podcasts filling my playlist, I have always been driven by a desire for change and growth. Yet despite all this effort, I found myself stuck in a rut, plagued by the same habits and patterns that were holding me back from the life I desired.

During one particularly introspective evening, it dawned on me. The change I was seeking wasn’t about adding more to my life but rather about eliminating certain things—habits, practices, and thoughts that were no longer serving me.

But why did it take me so long to realize this? Why do we, as individuals seeking to better our lives, focus more on what we should be doing instead of what we need to stop doing?

Does society’s obsession with “more” blind us to the power of “less”?

Shouldn’t we scrutinize our detrimental habits as much as we celebrate our productive ones?

I believe there’s an undue emphasis on acquiring new habits for personal growth while ignoring the significance of discarding harmful ones. The result is a cycle of self-improvement attempts that often end in frustration and disappointment.

That’s why I decided to write this article. My aim is to convince you that the key to profound change lies not just in embracing new habits but in letting go of those that impede our progress.

And so, if you really want to change your life, here are seven things you need to stop doing right now.

1) Stop Believing You’re Not Enough

Consider this scenario. You’re standing in front of a mirror, scrutinizing your reflection. Instead of appreciating the individuality that stares back at you, you’re drawn to the flaws, the imperfections. You compare yourself to idealized standards set by society and end up feeling inadequate.

It’s crucial to understand that this sense of inadequacy is a construct of your mind, not your reality. Your worth isn’t determined by external standards but by how you perceive yourself.

Shedding the belief that you’re not enough can be challenging. It’s not about ignoring your flaws; it’s about accepting them as part of your journey. Actions matter here. If you act with self-love and acceptance, those actions will begin to shape your perception of yourself.

If you can stop depending on external validation and start appreciating and respecting yourself for who you are, your life will begin to change in unexpected ways. You won’t need to strive for perfection.

You’ll realize that you were enough all along.

2) Stop Trying to Avoid Failure

This point might seem a bit paradoxical. After all, isn’t the goal of every endeavor to succeed and not to fail?

However, consider this: what if the fear of failure is holding you back more than the actual failure itself? What if the key to success lies not in avoiding failure, but in embracing it?

It’s a common misconception that failure is the opposite of success. In truth, failure is an integral part of success. It serves as a learning experience, a stepping stone on your journey towards achievement.

Society often views failure as a negative outcome, something to be avoided at all costs. This view narrows our perspective and limits our potential. Instead of taking risks or trying new things, we stay in our comfort zones, fearing the consequences of failure.

But here’s a different approach: view failure as a teacher. See it as an opportunity to learn, grow, and improve. Don’t let the fear of failing deter you from taking action.

When you stop trying to avoid failure and start viewing it as a valuable learning opportunity, your perspective on life will change dramatically. You’ll become more resilient, more willing to take risks, and ultimately, more likely to succeed.

3) Stop Ignoring Your Intuition

There’s a certain feeling, a gut instinct, that often nudges us in the right direction. It’s intangible, hard to explain, yet unmistakably real.

Unfortunately, many of us tend to ignore this intuition. We rely heavily on our rational minds, often dismissing this instinctive guidance as irrational or baseless.

But here’s a thought – what if this intuition is your subconscious mind trying to guide you? What if it’s an accumulation of your past experiences, knowledge, and wisdom trying to point you in the right direction?

To be human is to have intuition. You’re wired to feel it. It’s an instinctive part of who you are.

Here’s the thing about intuition – it doesn’t shout; it whispers. It requires you to be still, to listen carefully.

If you stop ignoring your intuition and start trusting it, life will become simpler. You won’t need to overthink every decision. You’ll find that often, the first instinctive decision you make is the right one.

Let go of the need for everything to make logical sense. Sometimes, your intuition knows best even when everything else suggests otherwise.

4) Stop Prioritizing Everyone Else’s Needs Over Your Own

Here’s a reality that many of us grapple with: we often prioritize others’ needs and wants over our own. We spend countless hours attending to our loved ones, our jobs, our social commitments, often at the expense of our own wellbeing.

This isn’t about neglecting your responsibilities or shirking your duties. It’s about the importance of setting boundaries and understanding that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

Consider this – you’re more equipped to help others when you’re in a good place mentally, emotionally, and physically. By constantly putting others first, we risk burning out and being unable to be there for anyone, including ourselves.

The issue arises when we believe our worth is tied to how much we do for others. We lose sight of our needs and desires in the process.

If I were to judge myself based on my intentions, I’d think I was doing great. After all, it’s noble to help others, right?

But upon reflecting on my actions, I realized this self-sacrificing pattern wasn’t sustainable. I needed to change how I behaved.

And so, I’m learning to set boundaries. To say ‘no’ when I need to. To prioritize my health and happiness alongside my commitments to others.

5) Stop Dwelling on the Past

A personal confession: for a long time, I was held hostage by my own past. Past mistakes, past relationships, past failures. I allowed them to consume my thoughts and dictate my present actions.

There were nights I’d lay awake, replaying past events in my mind – “What if I had done things differently?” “Why did I say that?” “I wish I could go back and change that.”

It took me a while to realize that no matter how much I ruminated on these past events, I couldn’t change them. The past was etched in stone, unchangeable. The only thing this constant dwelling did was rob me of my present.

The day I decided to stop dwelling on the past was the day my life began to change. It didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow process of self-forgiveness and acceptance. But the freedom it brought – the ability to enjoy the present moment without being burdened by the past – was liberating.

If you’re like me, trapped in the memories of what once was, it’s time to let go. Embrace the present moment and understand that your past doesn’t define you. Your actions today do.

6) Stop Overloading Your Schedule

In our fast-paced world, being busy has become a status symbol. The busier you are, the more successful you seem. A packed schedule is often seen as proof of productivity and efficiency.

However, numerous studies have shown that being perpetually busy can lead to burnout, decreased productivity, and even health problems. Experts argue that our bodies and minds need downtime to rest, rejuvenate and process information.

Consider this – the human brain is not designed to focus for extended periods without breaks. Research has shown that taking short breaks can significantly improve focus and productivity.

Instead of cramming your schedule with back-to-back activities, consider incorporating regular breaks. Allow yourself moments of quiet reflection or simply doing nothing.

7) Stop Chasing Happiness

This may sound counterproductive. After all, isn’t the pursuit of happiness a fundamental human endeavor?

But here’s a different perspective: happiness shouldn’t be a destination; it should be a by-product of a fulfilling life. When we make happiness our primary goal, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Happiness is an elusive and subjective concept that can’t be quantified or measured.

Moreover, the pursuit of happiness often leads us to disregard other emotions. We tend to see negative emotions like sadness, anger, or fear as hindrances to our happiness when they are, in fact, natural and necessary parts of the human experience.

By acknowledging and accepting all our emotions, not just the positive ones, we allow ourselves to experience life more fully.

So instead of chasing happiness, focus on living authentically and meaningfully. Engage in activities that you’re passionate about, nurture relationships that bring you joy, contribute to causes that you believe in.

True, enduring happiness isn’t something you chase—it’s something you cultivate from within through a life well-lived.

In conclusion: It’s all about balance

The crux of personal transformation often hinges on a delicate equilibrium between self-acceptance and self-improvement.

Consider the ancient Greek aphorism inscribed in the Temple of Apollo at Delphi, “Know thyself.” This simple yet profound piece of wisdom has endured for centuries, echoing through the works of philosophers, poets, and scholars.

Knowing oneself isn’t just about introspection and self-awareness; it also involves recognizing that we are works in progress. We are continually evolving, shaped by our experiences, decisions, and interactions.

The seven points discussed in this article aren’t about drastic or overnight changes. They’re about understanding that personal growth often comes from letting go rather than accumulating. From releasing old beliefs, patterns, and behaviours that no longer serve us.

Real change begins when we stop doing what keeps us stuck and start doing what propels us forward. It’s about knowing when to hold on and when to let go.