Manipulators love doing malicious things to others. They’re not above getting you fired, controlling your behavior, or scamming you out of your money.
What they don’t love is getting caught and facing consequences. But by putting the blame on someone else, they can sidestep guilt or accountability.
It’s an effective way for them to stay in control of the situation and manipulate the emotions of the other person.
So, let’s see what phrases manipulators use to blame others for their actions as a way to avoid responsibility.
1) “I wouldn’t have to do this if you were more supportive”
One way of blaming you or others for their actions is claiming that you weren’t supportive of them.
They’re stuck in a tough spot because you aren’t there for them. But in reality, they’re avoiding taking responsibility for their own actions by putting it all on you.
They’re essentially trying to make you feel bad for not being there for them in the way they want you to be.
It’s a form of emotional blackmail where they’re indirectly blaming you for whatever mess they’re in or whatever they’re doing wrong.
It’s a sneaky tactic because it puts you in a position where you feel like you have to make it up to them or somehow prove that you’re supportive.
That’s why you need to recognize this kind of behavior because this helps you see through the manipulation and stand up for yourself.
After all, you’re not responsible for fixing someone else’s problems or making them feel better about themselves.
2) “You never understand me”
With this one, they’re blaming you for not being on their wavelength, even though they’re the ones not making sense half the time.
It’s also a form of gaslighting because by claiming you never understand them, they make you doubt your own perception and feelings.
They also portray themselves as victims who are misunderstood by everyone. That way, they’re deflecting attention from their own behavior.
So, for example, to justify why they made a big decision or a big purchase without consulting you, they’ll say, “I had to make that decision without consulting you because you never understand the bigger picture. Your lack of understanding can’t hold me back. I had to take charge.”
Now, the conversation can easily shift to why you’re not being understanding or why you’re inert instead of focusing on them and their selfishness, inconsideration, or lack of respect for you.
3) “You’re just trying to pick a fight”
The best defense is offense, right? For manipulators, the best way to get ahead is to project or outright blame you for what they’re doing.
By accusing you or someone else of trying to start a fight, the manipulator avoids taking accountability for their own behavior.
It’s a way of redirecting attention away from their actions and focusing it on the other person’s supposed provocation.
In this case, they’re the ones seeking conflict, but they accuse the other person of doing so to avoid acknowledging their own behavior.
Manipulators often want to keep control and avoid confrontation. By framing the situation as the other person’s attempt to start a fight, they downplay the seriousness of their actions and dismiss any legitimate concerns raised by the other person.
So, if you ever find yourself in a situation where someone’s telling you this, try to stay calm and politely but firmly assert your perspective without becoming defensive.
You can acknowledge their statement but calmly explain your own feelings or point of view.
4) “You’re being too demanding”
“You’re being too demanding” is a great phrase and a way to deflect responsibility and control the narrative of the situation.
This is known as minimizing, where the manipulator belittles the victim’s needs or requests in order to avoid meeting them. It’s a way of invalidating the victim’s feelings and desires.
By making you feel guilty or ashamed for expressing your needs, they reinforce their own position of power and control within the relationship.
Sure, what’s normal for someone can be demanding for the other. But asking a teenager to clean their room, a coworker to do something by the book, or expecting BMW drivers to use indicators is not demanding.
If something feels off or if you feel uncomfortable in a situation, trust your instincts. Your intuition can often alert you to manipulative tactics, even if they’re subtle.
5) “I did it because you provoked me”
Some manipulators need to see themselves as good or moral individuals. By framing their actions as a reaction to provocation, they can preserve their self-image as the victim or the righteous party in the situation.
In their mind, feeling provoked justifies their negative actions. They may even genuinely believe that they were forced to act the way they did because of your behavior, even if it’s not objectively true.
Psychology views this as a manipulative tactic that allows manipulators to avoid accountability, maintain a victim identity, and justify their actions.
They’re making it seem like their actions were a direct response to something you did or said instead of taking responsibility for their own behavior.
It’s a way for them to avoid admitting fault and make you feel guilty for supposedly causing the problem.
So, what should you do in this case? Well, you shouldn’t engage in power struggles. You see, manipulators often thrive on conflict and power struggles.
Instead of getting drawn into their games, try to stay calm and composed. Refuse to engage in arguments or attempts to manipulate you.
6) “You’re just trying to manipulate me”
I think you’re getting the gist of their manipulation tactics by now. And one of the key ingredients is projection, isn’t it?
That’s what happens with this phrase, too. They’re telling you you’re trying to manipulate them. Of course, the opposite is true.
If you don’t understand what’s happening, at this point you’ll be fairly confused by their antics.
And I can’t blame you, as they love causing confusion and uncertainty, making it harder for you to trust your instincts.
But never forget that you deserve to be treated with respect in your relationships. Again, stay calm and let them know that that’s not the case.
And if you let them explain further, they’ll eventually dig their own hole.
7) “You’re always so critical”
Psychologically, when manipulators use the phrase “You’re always so critical,” it’s often a reflection of their own insecurities and need for control.
As with other phrases on this list, they’re deflecting blame onto you and muddy the waters with a hint of gaslighting and perhaps projection.
It’s yet another sly tactic aimed at making you doubt yourself and feel guilty for speaking up.
Ultimately, they’re playing mind games to keep the upper hand and ensure you don’t challenge them.
But if you recognize these tactics, you can maintain healthy boundaries and stand up for yourself in relationships.
8) “You’re too controlling”
When manipulators use this phrase, it often serves several purposes rooted in their need for power and control.
First, it’s usually a way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and make you feel like you’re the one at fault.
Second, they undermine your autonomy and independence by portraying you as too controlling, which can manipulate you into doubting your own behavior and decisions.
Third, it allows them to retain dominance in the relationship by painting themselves as the victim of your supposed controlling behavior.
But recognizing this can help you stand up for yourself and set new rules for the relationship. Rules that won’t let them manipulate you anymore.
How to deal with this type of manipulation
In the end, if you think you’re being manipulated by your parents, kids, boss, coworkers, friends, family members, or even people you’ve just met, it’s good that you now know some of the phrases they use to blame you for their actions.
Instead of getting all caught up in emotions and drama, stick to what actually happened.
Keep the conversation grounded in real events and actions. For example, if someone says, “You always ruin everything,” instead of getting defensive, calmly ask, “Can you give me an example of when I ruined something?”
Basically, don’t just take someone’s word for it when they start throwing around accusations or criticisms. Politely ask them to explain what they mean or give examples.
This puts the ball in their court to back up their claims. It also gives you a chance to see if their arguments hold water or if they’re just blowing smoke.
Asking questions can help uncover their true intentions and make them think twice about trying to manipulate you.
