8 habits that make you look deeply insecure (without realizing it)

Life doesn’t come with a how-to manual on confidence.

Sure, we get tons of tips on how to be successful—like working hard or dressing well—but nobody really talks about the little things that make us look insecure.

Here’s the deal: we’re all just figuring it out as we go, and sometimes we mess up. 

It’s not really our fault.

We’re trained to downplay our wins and not to take up too much space, and that sends the wrong message.

That’s why it’s important to know what these habits are and how to ditch them.

For this reason, I prepared this short guide of 8 habits that actually make you seem insecure.

1) Constantly seeking validation

Perhaps not surprisingly, deeply insecure people often find themselves in a continuous quest for approval.

They perceive validation as a lifeline—a necessity they can’t live without.

These individuals frequently question their own worth and value. And you know what?

It’s not necessarily because they lack talents or skills. They just tend to be plagued by self-doubt and uncertainty.

Here’s why:

Seeking validation frequently helps them to temporarily quell their insecurities. They yearn for external reinforcement to convince themselves that they are enough.

This constant need for approval also helps them feel temporarily fulfilled, according to psychologists.

What does it mean?

Well, those who are deeply insecure not only crave—but require constant validation so much that without it, they can actually feel lost, become anxious, struggle with self-esteem, and have difficulty making decisions.

2) Over-apologizing for everything

Ever say sorry for things that aren’t your fault? Or find yourself apologizing just to fill an awkward silence?

Well, you’re not alone. But there’s something you should know:

Saying “sorry” too much can actually make you look really insecure.

Look, apologizing has its time and place, of course. If you mess up, owning it is the mature thing to do.

But constantly saying you’re sorry for every little thing—even stuff that’s completely out of your control—sends the message that you’re always in the wrong.

So, here’s my advice:

It’s like you’re asking for approval or trying to make sure everyone’s not mad at you. Over time, this can really erode your self-esteem, not to mention how others see you.

Just ask yourself if an apology is really needed or if you’re just falling back on a bad habit.

Being more mindful about when and why you apologize can help you come off as more confident and less insecure.

3) Avoiding eye contact

How many times have you been in a conversation where you’re doing everything but making eye contact?

Personally, I’ve been there multiple times.

I used to avoid eye contact like the plague, especially when talking about something important. I thought it made me look less intimidating or maybe even more likable.

I was wrong.

The truth is that avoiding eye contact is a classic sign of insecurity.

It’s as if you’re saying, “I’m not confident enough to look you in the eye.”

I know, holding someone’s gaze can feel awkward at first. But it’s a key part of meaningful communication, right?

This means that by not making eye contact, you’re not just making yourself look insecure — you’re also missing out on a deeper connection with the person you’re talking to.

It’s like trying to have a conversation with a wall—you might as well be talking to yourself.

4) Always downplaying achievements

You know how it goes. Someone compliments you on a job well done, and instead of saying “thanks,” you go, “Oh, it was nothing, anyone could have done it.”

I used to do this all the time.

I thought I was being humble or not hogging the spotlight.

But what I didn’t realize is that I was actually making myself look super insecure.

Why?

Because downplaying your achievements sends a message that you don’t value your own skills or contributions.

It’s a way of telling people you don’t deserve credit or recognition, even when you do.

And let’s be honest, if you worked hard for something, you deserve that pat on the back.

I started to notice a shift when I began to own my achievements.

Instead of brushing off compliments, I’d say, “Thank you, I worked really hard on that.”

It felt weird at first, but you know what?

People started to see me as more confident and capable.

That’s why I challenge you to accept all the compliments you receive.

Trust me, it doesn’t make you arrogant. It makes you confident.

5) Excessive self-criticism

Now, this one might throw you for a loop.

Being self-critical sounds like a good thing, right?

I mean, if you’re always looking for ways to improve, that should make you better at whatever you’re doing.

But here’s the twist: constantly tearing yourself down actually makes you look deeply insecure.

See, there’s a fine line between constructive self-criticism and just beating yourself up.

The first can help you grow, the second just holds you back.

When you’re always pointing out your own flaws and never giving yourself credit for what you do right, it looks like you don’t believe in your own abilities.

You know what’s even more interesting?

Excessive self-criticism can become what’s known as a “self-fulfilling prophecy” in psychology.

What I mean here is that if you keep telling yourself you’re not good enough, eventually, you’ll start to believe it, and others will too.

The trick is to balance your critical eye with a healthy dose of self-compassion.

Recognize your flaws, sure, but also give yourself credit for your strengths.

This makes you look more self-assured and gives you the resilience to tackle challenges head-on. And believe it or not, people find that confidence super attractive.

6) Constantly comparing to others

Let me take a wild guess:

You’ve found yourself scrolling through Instagram or Facebook, eyeballing someone else’s seemingly perfect life and wondering why yours doesn’t measure up.

It’s something we all do, but let’s get real—it’s a bad habit that’s making you look and feel super insecure.

The issue with always sizing yourself up against other people is that you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Because here’s the deal—you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes struggles with someone else’s highlight reel.

It’s like judging your worst days against their best moments, and that’s just setting yourself up for a never-ending cycle of feeling inadequate.

Wondering what you should do instead?

Just remind yourself that you’re on your own unique journey.

Celebrate your own wins, no matter how small, and focus on your own growth.

As a result, you’ll not only feel more secure, but you’ll also come across as way more confident to everyone around you.

7) Fear of expressing opinions

Have you ever had a unique perspective or brilliant idea but swallowed it because you worried about the fallout?

Holding back your opinions may seem like playing it safe.

However, the truth is that it’s a red flag of insecurity that people can spot from a mile away.

The thing is, when you hold your tongue, you’re signaling to others that your thoughts don’t matter—or worse, that they’re not good enough.

This can be a major confidence killer not just for you, but also affects how others perceive you. It’s like putting yourself on mute in a world that’s desperate for new viewpoints and fresh ideas.

Pro tip: Test the waters by sharing minor opinions in casual settings first.

Once you get a feel for it, you’ll find that speaking your mind becomes second nature. And guess what?

You’ll look a whole lot more confident when you do.

8) Constant need for control

Imagine you’re planning a weekend getaway with friends.

While everyone is excited, you can’t help but take charge of every tiny detail. You pick the place, the activities, and even the restaurants for each meal.

It may seem like you’re just being helpful, but that need to control everything screams insecurity to everyone else.

Sounds familiar?

If so, here’s the thing:

The constant need for control often comes from a place of anxiety. You think if you can control all the variables, then nothing can go wrong, right?

Well, not only is this exhausting for you, but it also creates tension among those around you.

People start to feel like they’re just along for the ride, rather than active participants in the experience.

This need to control every situation can make you look like you don’t trust anyone else’s judgment but your own.

And that’s not a good look, trust me.

When you let go a little and allow others to take the reins sometimes, you show that you’re secure enough to not have all the answers.

Plus, you get to enjoy the ride a bit more.

Final thoughts: It could be cognitive

Our habits and behaviors aren’t just random quirks — they’re often linked to how our brains process information.

These distortions, common in many people, act as automatic, habitual ways of thinking that are often inaccurate or irrational, playing a significant role in shaping our behaviors and reactions.