Ever find yourself at a meeting, party, or even just a casual gathering and notice a person constantly seeking approval, or maybe second-guessing every decision they make?
Chances are, you’re witnessing behaviors rooted in insecurity and self-doubt.
While these actions may seem baffling or even frustrating to those who are more self-assured, the truth is that they’re often unconscious habits that people can actually learn to control.
Let’s discover these behaviors, shed some light on 10 common actions that stem from insecurity and self-doubt, but – good news – they’re easy to stop! These habits might seem strange to some, but they’re actually pretty common for those wrestling with self-doubt.
1) Constantly seeking approval
Have you ever come across someone who always seems to need validation for every little thing they do? This could be a sign of insecurity and self-doubt.
People who are constantly seeking approval often struggle with their self-esteem. They crave reassurances and affirmations from others as a way to validate their worth.
This doesn’t mean they’re needy or desperate for attention; they’re just grappling with feelings of self-doubt and insecurity.
Whether they’re asking for your opinion on their outfit, needing reassurance about a decision they’ve made, or looking for validation in their work, these individuals often rely heavily on others’ opinions.
2) Overthinking every decision
Have you ever spent hours, even days, agonizing over a decision, big or small? Well, I have. This could be another behavior rooted in self-doubt and insecurity.
Personally, I remember a time when I had to choose between two job offers. Both were great opportunities, but I found myself overthinking every possible outcome. I questioned my abilities, wondered if I was making the right choice, and even lost sleep over it.
People like me who overthink decisions often struggle with confidence. They worry about making the wrong choice and disappointing others, which can lead to anxiety and stress.
It doesn’t mean they’re indecisive or incapable; it’s just that their self-doubt makes them question their judgment more than others might.
3) Avoiding eye contact
Ever notice someone frequently avoiding eye contact during a conversation? This could be another sign of insecurity and self-doubt.
People who often avoid eye contact may be wrestling with feelings of unworthiness or fear of judgement. By not meeting your gaze, they’re shielding themselves from perceived criticism or scrutiny.
This doesn’t imply they’re being disrespectful or uninterested in the conversation; they’re simply protecting themselves from the discomfort that their insecurities can cause.
Whether they’re looking away, focusing on something else, or constantly checking their phone during a conversation, these people might find it hard to maintain steady eye contact.
4) Excessive apologizing
Have you ever noticed someone constantly saying “sorry” even when it’s unnecessary? This behavior could be another manifestation of insecurity and self-doubt.
Those who frequently apologize often feel like they’re a burden or are constantly doing something wrong. The word “sorry” becomes their shield, protecting them from potential negative reactions or disappointments.
It doesn’t mean they’re always at fault or that they’re overly submissive; they’re just grappling with their insecurities and using apologies as a coping mechanism.
In Japan, there’s even a term for this behavior – “shazai suru” – which means to apologize profusely. It’s a cultural norm in certain situations but can also be a sign of personal insecurity.
They’re just dealing with their self-doubt in the only way they know how – by saying sorry. But with time and reassurance, this habit can be unlearned.
5) Constantly comparing themselves to others
Ever notice someone always comparing themselves to others, be it their accomplishments, looks or lifestyle? This is yet another behavior that stems from self-doubt and insecurity.
Individuals who constantly compare themselves often struggle with self-esteem issues. They look at others and see a version of what they believe they should be, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and discontent.
This doesn’t mean they’re jealous or ungrateful for what they have; they’re simply battling with their insecurities and struggling to appreciate their own worth.
In a world where social media tends to highlight the best aspects of people’s lives, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. But it’s important to remember that everyone has their own unique journey.
6) Fear of failure
Ever come across someone who seems terrified of making mistakes or failing? This could be another indication of insecurity and self-doubt.
Individuals who fear failure often struggle with self-confidence. They’re afraid that messing up will confirm their worst fears about themselves, leading to a cycle of self-doubt and avoidance.
This doesn’t mean they’re unfit or incapable; they’re just wrestling with their insecurities and fearing the judgment that may come with failure.
7) Downplaying achievements
Ever met someone who brushes off their accomplishments as no big deal, or credits luck instead of their hard work? This is another common behavior associated with insecurity and self-doubt.
People who downplay their achievements often struggle with feelings of unworthiness. They may believe they don’t deserve praise or recognition, or fear that acknowledging their success will make them seem arrogant.
This doesn’t mean they’re humble to a fault or lack ambition; they’re just grappling with their insecurities and might have a hard time accepting their own worth.
8) Perfectionism
Ever noticed someone who seems obsessed with getting everything just right? This could indicate a struggle with insecurity and self-doubt.
Individuals who exhibit perfectionism often feel an immense pressure to meet high standards. They fear that any mistake or flaw will expose them as a fraud, a phenomenon known as the “Impostor Syndrome“.
This doesn’t mean they’re overly meticulous or obsessed with control; they’re just grappling with their insecurities and trying to ensure they meet their own high expectations.
Whether they’re spending extra time on a project to make sure it’s flawless, obsessing over minor details, or feeling dissatisfied even when they’ve done a good job, these individuals might have a hard time accepting anything less than perfect.
In ancient Persia, rug weavers would deliberately include a flaw in their rugs. They believed that only the divine could create something perfect, and this ‘flaw’ was seen as a humble act towards the divine.
However, it’s crucial to know that perfection is an illusion and it’s our imperfections that truly make us human.
9) Fear of Rejection
I have a confession to make. As an aspiring writer, the thought of rejection letters used to keep me up at night. This is another behavior that often stems from insecurity and self-doubt.
Those who fear rejection, like I once did, often hesitate to take risks or put themselves out there. They anticipate disappointment or disapproval, which can hold them back from reaching their full potential.
This doesn’t mean they’re weak or lack courage; they’re simply wrestling with their insecurities and trying to avoid potential pain.
Whether it’s hesitating to submit a manuscript, fearing to ask someone out, or avoiding new challenges due to the fear of failure or rejection, it’s a difficult hurdle to overcome.
But what I’ve learned over time is that rejection is a part of life and it’s often through these experiences that we grow the most. After all, every ‘no’ brings us one step closer to a ‘yes’.
10) Negative self-talk
One of the most damaging behaviors that stem from insecurity and self-doubt is negative self-talk. It’s the inner voice that tells you you’re not good enough, smart enough, or attractive enough.
Those who engage in negative self-talk often struggle with self-esteem issues. They’re their own worst critic, always pointing out their flaws and failures instead of acknowledging their strengths and successes.
This doesn’t mean they’re pessimistic or have a negative outlook on life; they’re just dealing with their insecurities in a way that unfortunately reinforces them.
Whether it’s telling themselves they’ll never succeed, criticizing their appearance, or belittling their abilities, this behavior can be incredibly damaging.
The most vital thing to understand here is that the way we talk to ourselves matters.
By shifting our internal dialogue from negative to positive, we can significantly improve our self-esteem and overall mental wellbeing.
Always know that you deserve kindness from yourself just as much as you do from others.
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