Fake nice people aren’t good people to have in your life. They can make you feel pretty down about yourself, sometimes without you even realizing why!
But because of all their fake niceties, these people can be pretty hard to spot.
Sometimes, you just get an off feeling about the things they say and do. But you have no real “proof” that they’re being unkind – a fact they know.
If you confront them about it, they might try to make you feel like you’re crazy.
Luckily, there are signs that you might be dealing with a fake nice person. If someone does any of these 8 things (or multiple), you’ll have your answer once and for all – and know you aren’t going mad!
Up first:
1) They don’t smile with their eyes
Lots of people don’t smile with their eyes. I don’t do it most of the time if I have to say “Excuse me” to someone on the train or when I’m ordering a coffee!
But when you’re talking to a friend or partner, their smile should reach their face at least some of the time during conversations with you.
Experts say a smile that reaches your eyes is widely recognized as the most genuine type of smile. So someone smiling like this is a clear sign that they’re happy to see you, speak to you, and hear your news.
If this person never does that, especially when you’ve shared good news or cracked a joke, they might just be being polite. Or they might be a fake nice person…
2) They make condescending comments
The whole idea of someone being condescending is if they say something disapproving. Or in a way that makes them seem “superior”, like they know more than you.
People will mostly say these kinds of comments nicely, so you don’t suspect they’re patronizing or belittling you.
Like I remember telling a girl my brother was dating once that I moved the sofa to clean behind it and was shocked by how dirty it was.
“Yes, it’s crazy how dirty things get when you don’t clean underneath them!”, she said in reply. She said it so nicely, with a slightly wicked smile. And to this day, I’m still 90% sure she was being condescending!
If someone makes these kinds of comments to you, and it gives you an odd feeling, they might be faking their niceness.
3) They subtly criticize what you do
A fake nice person will never outright criticize you. This wouldn’t be fake nice if they did. It just wouldn’t be nice!
Instead, their critiques are subtle and almost unnoticeable. But if you’re an observant or emotionally intelligent person, you’ll notice them! You’ll read between the lines and wonder if what was said “nicely” is actually not very nice…
“I could never do what you do”, they might say when you tell them about your job.
“My child is nothing like that”, they might say when you talk about your kids.
“My partner would never do that to me”, they might say when you open up to them about a romantic issue you’re having.
These comments may not seem like insults, but they might be if you’re dealing with a fake nice person!
Such people might be telling you these things to make your job, kids, partner, or anything else seem different – and not in a good way!
4) They ask questions they know the answers to
When you’re dealing with a fake nice person, they might try to put you on the spot and make you feel uncomfortable. They’ll particularly enjoy doing this when you’re in a crowd!
How? By asking questions (usually uncomfortable ones) they already know the answer to.
“How is your partner?”, they might ask in front of all your coworkers, knowing you’ve just split up, but wanting you to feel embarrassed saying it to a crowd.
Sometimes, people ask questions they know the answer to out of care and concern. By asking, they’re offering you the chance to open up so they can give you support. But this only happens if they’re asking you one-on-one…
Because a fake nice person will ask these questions to try and make you feel ashamed, uncomfortable, or inferior to them – especially when they ask in front of a crowd!
5) They bring up unusual things about you
If you’ve experienced something like this, you’ll know what I mean! Fake nice people might act like they’re being nice. But they’ll comment on something you said or did that doesn’t really need bringing up in the context.
Like I once ran into a girl my brother was dating on the train. We smiled and said hello – and I got off at the next stop. At a family gathering that weekend, she brought up that we’d seen each other.
“I saw [me] sitting in the priority seat on the train”, she said in a super-friendly voice.
I was only riding the train for two stops, and it was completely empty, so sitting in that chair wasn’t an issue. Her bringing up where I was sitting was an unusual thing to do given the context.
I later realized it was a subtle judgment she was making. It was almost like she was trying to shame me in front of my family for sitting in that chair…
If you’ve experienced something like this before, someone bringing up an odd, unnecessary detail about you, you might be dealing with a fake nice person, too!
6) They talk trash about other people
Another sign someone might be fake nice is if their niceness only seems to go so far. To people’s faces, they’re nothing but pleasant. But when they walk away, things take a turn for the worse!
They’ll comment on how ugly that person’s dress is, how bad they look since their divorce, or just tell you things the other person probably told them in confidence.
I used to work with someone like this. She always seemed so nice and lovely. She asked lots of questions about your life and said ordinarily pleasant things afterward.
When I saw her act nice to another coworker, before saying she couldn’t stand them when they walked away, I realized it was all a lie. It was totally jarring!
And a very obvious sign that she was just being fake nice to most people in the office, rather than genuinely being a nice person…
7) They seem happy when you’re sad
It’s hard to explain this one, but sometimes you just get a feeling that someone is glad that you’re feeling down!
When they offer words of comfort, you feel like they aren’t being genuine with what they say. Like they’re actually glad you’re hurting or that things aren’t going your way…
I used to have a friend who always seemed slightly happy when I was going through something bad. She’d want to hang out with me more often, ask a lot of questions about it, and then never say anything comforting.
“Oh, I’m sorry – but anyway I did [X] recently….”, she’d say quickly after asking me about it, before reeling off what was happening in her life.
It always made me feel a little strange. Years later, she told me she used to get jealous of my life. It was then that I realized my suspicions were potentially true.
Sure, sometimes it’s all in your head. Other people aren’t really being nasty. You’re just perceiving it that way because of some trust issues you have.
But sometimes, they are being fake nice to you. And hearing your woes only makes them feel better about their lives…
8) They make you feel bad about yourself
The final sign that you’re dealing with a fake nice person is if you just feel bad in their presence (and afterward).
You can’t quite put your finger on why. They never say anything particularly hurtful.
But you get a weird feeling in your stomach when you think about your interactions – or even the idea of interacting with them again!
Our gut feelings about people aren’t always right. Some people don’t have an ulterior motive even though we suspect they do. And some people say things with good intentions, but it comes across badly.
But sometimes, those gut feelings are there for a reason – and they’re absolutely right! Because this person might be subtly judging, criticizing, or belittling you without saying anything “big” enough for you to call them out on it…
Final thoughts
Fake nice people aren’t the worst people in the world. Some people use their fake niceties to get ahead in life, and don’t actually cause much harm with their actions.
But some people definitely have an ulterior motive – and their intentions are absolutely designed to cause harm! And usually to make themselves feel better…
When you’re dealing with a fake nice person, calling them out on their behavior can be a little tricky. As mentioned, their comments are usually so subtle that it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what they’re doing wrong without sounding “crazy”.
But rest assured, you aren’t crazy. Fake nice people do exist, and these 8 behaviors are clear signs that you’re dealing with one! What you do next is up to you…
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