If someone displays these 12 behaviors, they have a toxic personality

We can’t all get along with everyone, and that’s a natural part of life. 

But there are certain people who seem to have just no redeeming qualities. 

Is it just you, or are these people genuinely beyond the pale?

In this article I’m going to take an honest and unflinching look at the top telltale signs that somebody has a toxic personality. 

This doesn’t mean they can’t change, but it does mean you need to take their personality into account when dealing with them professionally, personally or in any other capacity. 

Beware: some of what you’ll read here isn’t going to be pretty, but it’s all going to be 100% honest.

Let’s dive in. 

1) They are jealous and bitter

We all get jealous and resentful at times, but those with a toxic personality are stuck in these emotions.

If you’re around people who seem to always be fixated on what others have and bitter about it, that’s not a healthy place to be in.

There is usually some deep insecurity at the root of this jealousy and bitterness. 

But it’s not your job or anyone else’s (apart from a therapist or spiritual advisor) to stick around and facilitate that transition. 

2) They are controlling and possessive

Another behavior of a toxic individual is possessiveness and controlling actions. 

If you’ve been in a relationship with this kind of person or spent time around one, then you know just how extreme this can get. 

I’m talking about the kind of partner who is jealous if you even talk to an old friend without telling them about it.

I’m talking about the kind of parent who tells you what career you should do and the life path you should follow and accepts no input from you or freedom to choose. 

Strong guidance and encouragement? Great.

But telling you who you can talk to or what you have to do with your life? 

This level of control is toxic. 

3) They won’t think outside their own self-interest

Selfishness is another one of those qualities that we all struggle with at times. 

But for the toxic person it’s not a struggle, it’s a way of life. 

They’ve embraced their own self-interest so much that being generous or caring about other people is only something they do if it will lead to an eventual payoff. 

Even being kind or consoling somebody who’s experienced a terrible loss, they ask:

“Why should I care?”

How else can we say it? That’s toxic a.f. 

4) They try to sabotage the success and happiness of others

If toxic people were just a bit self-interested and jealous they might not pop up much on most people’s radar.

But the fact is that many of them will actively try to sabotage the success and happiness of other folks around them.

There are many ways they may do this, including gossip and spreading rumors, bullying or trying to actually ruin someone’s job, reputation or finances.

In whatever way they try to sabotage others, the toxic person shows that they’re not yet ready to play nice with others.

This brings me to the next point…

5) They bully and treat others unfairly in order to intimidate them

Bullying is never OK. 

There are times when people need a bit of a push or some pressure, but bullying takes it beyond that to toxic and unfair behavior. 

Those who try to break other people down and bend them to their will through mockery, aggression and intimidation are highly toxic. 

They not only need to be made aware that their behavior is off limits. They also need to be held directly accountable and avoided by as many people as possible until they start treating other people like human beings. 

If there’s someone in your life who bullies you into doing what they want, take action now. 

A while back, I came across this incredible workshop called “Developing Your Personal Power“… The name pretty much sums it up, but in this course, you’ll learn how to make firm decisions that are aligned with what YOU want.

You’ll learn how to get out of the victim mindset and into an emotionally resilient state. I found it especially useful in learning how to set boundaries, especially against toxic people who use bullying tactics. 

Put it this way – the toxic person in your life isn’t going to change. So if you want things to improve, you need to take the first step and take back your personal power. 

Here’s the link once again. 

6) They judge people by outer labels and their group association

Toxic people tend to be very judgmental. 

This usually stems from an inner insecurity and a need to feel like they are valued and seen. 

The toxic person will often judge by somebody’s outer identity or groups. 

“That guy? Did you hear he’s part of the X political party?”

“Oh her, yeah but she follows that crazy spiritual teacher.”

X political party may be beyond the pale. Crazy spiritual leader might actually be crazy. 

But that doesn’t mean the person themselves is invalid, unintelligent or unworthy of respecting them on their own terms, and the toxic person’s dismissive way of framing them is suggestive of a deeper kind of emotional blockage.

7) They get close to somebody only to learn their secrets and hurt them

Finding out somebody’s secrets only to use those secrets to hurt them is just about the lowest thing a person can do. 

Toxic people are pros at it. 

It would be wonderful to say they don’t mean it or that they feel bad about doing this, but the truth is that some people don’t. 

They are so insecure, so far from any ethical center or core values that they do this without a second thought. 

It’s especially devastating in romantic relationships where love once existed, only to be replaced by the toxic person’s attacks against points of vulnerability they found out about during closer times. 

This ties into the next point… 

8) They use emotions as weapons and weaponise positivity

Emotions are something we often can’t help feeling and there’s no shame or “negative” emotion. 

It’s more about how we react to that emotion and what we use it for. 

But toxic people will often pinpoint certain emotions as “low vibrations” or other labels and make people feel guilty for not being more positive. 

This is very subtle, since it seems helpful on the outside:

“Just be more positive dude.”

But the truth is that being told what to feel is a very toxic trait, and not something anybody should accept at face value. 

Who says you need to be more positive? Maybe you need to be more “negative” right now in order to reach a crisis point and figure out the next step in your life… 

9) They are unwilling to see other people’s points of view 

Toxic people can be incredibly pigheaded when it comes to seeing somebody else’s point of view. 

They treat discussions as knock-down-drag-out fights to the rhetorical death, and they rarely cede any ground. 

But instead of just disagreeing (which is fine), they tend to refuse to even acknowledge that somebody else has a different set of experiences, perspectives and views. 

This is highly toxic, because no interaction can really go anywhere if it doesn’t have basic consideration at its core. 

10) They argue for the sake of beating down somebody’s self-esteem

Real arguments happen and it’s not the end of the world. 

We may even learn something from those we disagree with or find objectionable. 

But for the toxic individual, argument can become much more of a cudgel than an actual spontaneous occurrence. 

They use disagreement and contrarianism just to basically start fights. 

I’ve been guilty of this myself on many occasions, and I’m not proud to say it. In fact I’d honestly say it’s one of my most toxic traits. 

But becoming self-aware of it has also been part of my growth cycle.

One thing that helped me realize how toxic some of my habits and behaviors were was the Self-Love Journey by Rudá Iandé.

I would strongly recommend this course to anyone who a) feels they have toxic habits and b) anyone who is dealing with a toxic partner/parent/friend. 

Why? Because this workshop is designed to help you see your worth. It’s forced me to open my eyes to the reality of how I was treating myself and others.

And only when you radically learn to love yourself can you start to make positive changes. 

So regardless of whether you relate to these points or you’re reminded of someone you love by reading this article, it’s well worth checking out the workshop (especially as it’s on offer right now). 

Here’s the link. 

11) They demand the spotlight and steal it from others if they feel a lack of limelight

If somebody is demanding the spotlight and obsessed about getting credit, they can become a major hassle to be around. 

This kind of egotism has a heavy impact on those around them and makes this person especially difficult to work with. 

It can have a very bad impact on the personal level, too. 

For example, in a family situation, a parent who always needs to be the center of attention may end up neglecting his or her family and dismissing their need to be heard and respected. 

12) They intentionally start fights between other people in order to divide and conquer 

Toxic people live by the motto: “divide and conquer.”

Because they are motivated by self-interest, they don’t care that much about how they achieve their goals. 

It’s just about getting what they want at all costs. 

This may often involve intentionally stirring the pot and starting fights among others in order to get them miserable and weakened. 

Whatever it takes to win, right? 

That’s how they see it, anyway.

Caution: May be toxic to health

We all have elements of our personalities that can be toxic and hurt others. 

But for most of us, self-awareness and personal development can bring us to a better place in how we treat people. 

Unfortunately, some people who aren’t willing or ready to practice more self-awareness and change can weigh us all down. 

If you have someone in your life who came to mind whilst reading this article, don’t worry.

There are steps you can take to improve the relationship (or find the strength to leave).

I’ve mentioned a few invaluable resources already (The Self-Love Journey and Developing Your Personal Power) but there’s one last thing that could radically change your life (and it’s free) – The Love and Intimacy masterclass by Rudá Iandé. 

Whether it’s you or your partner (or both) who exhibit toxic behaviors, this free video will strip you back to basics and teach you what real love and self-respect is about.

From letting go of unhealthy habits and expectations to reclaiming your self-worth and dignity, it’s a powerful tool in cultivating healthier relationships – with yourself and with others. 

Click here to watch the free masterclass.