Hello. I’m an introvert. Nice to meet you.
(I mean it. Contrary to popular belief, introverts don’t hate people. But more on that later.)
Being an introvert gets a bad rep sometimes.
This doesn’t come as much of a surprise – after all, up to 70% of the world’s population could potentially be extroverted, which means introverts are automatically the odd ones out.
But we’re not actually as weird as people think. In fact, there are plenty of misconceptions that people have about introverts.
So, if you’re a fellow introvert (hi!) looking to understand why introversion is considered “bad” or if you’re someone who wants to explore the secrets of an introvert’s mind…
Here are the 10 reasons why being an introvert is seen as a bad thing.
1) People think we hate them
Introverts are anti-social. They hate big gatherings. They detest parties. They don’t have any friends.
The list goes on and on.
But the funny thing is, none of it is true – or at the very least, it’s not a universal introverted experience.
I, for one, love my friends and parties. The only thing that’s different about my experience as opposed to that of an extrovert is that my sociability has a time limit.
You see, introversion isn’t shyness or a general distaste for human contact. It’s all about the way you gain and lose energy. As Zawn Villines explains in Medical News Today:
“Some people, such as extroverts, get their energy from social interactions. Therefore, when they feel low in energy, they may choose to spend time with others. In contrast, introverts expend energy during social interactions. They may need to recharge by spending time alone.”
Yes, it is that simple.
When I’m alone, my battery is charging. When I’m around people, it gets drained. But that doesn’t mean I’m not having a great time – it just means I’ll probably go home a bit earlier.
Not a big deal.
2) People think we’re silently judging them
I have an introverted friend (I have many, actually – we tend to stick together like glue) who prefers to listen rather than talk when we’re in a large group of people.
“I always feel like he’s judging me,” people have told me in the past. “He’s just so quiet.”
Yet another introverted friend is always so silent at social gatherings that people think she’s super big-headed and a bit of a snob. “She just always sits in the corner and looks like she’s above everyone.”
The truth is, both of these friends are such kind-hearted and warm souls that it’s a true blessing to have them in my life. They just aren’t that talkative when they’re around new people. That’s all there is to it.
Honestly, an introvert in the wild is probably more preoccupied with their own thoughts than with whoever is around them. Most of us don’t judge. It just takes a bit of effort to pull us out of our shell.
3) People think we’re “too cool”
On a similar note, there are very few introverts out there who think they’re “too cool” to hang out with you.
Nonetheless, that’s how some people tend to think of us – unapproachable, cold, and forever mysterious.
Little do they know that once they get us started on something we’re passionate about, from crocheting cute plushies or reading fantasy books to learning languages and writing poems (aka, my hobbies in a nutshell), we’re more than happy to go on a one-hour-long tangent that’s as far from cool as you can get.
In short, most introverts are pretty sweet. You just have to get to know them.
Once they open up to you…they’re a new person entirely.
4) People think we don’t care enough
That guy at the back of the class who never says anything? He studied all night.
That girl who’s quiet during a group project? She’ll probably create the best PowerPoint presentation you’ve ever seen.
That colleague who sits at the table and doesn’t ask any questions? They’re overthinking every single word that comes out of their lips, which is why it takes them ages to join the conversation.
Introverts care more than we’d like to admit. Based on research, we tend to be very sensitive and introspective individuals who care about the deeper meaning behind everything – even if it doesn’t look like it.
We’re not purposely falling behind. We’re not deprioritizing work and personal relationships.
Many of us just struggle to be outgoing and talkative. Nothing more, nothing less.
5) People think we’re bad at communication
Let’s get one thing straight – there are multiple different types of communication, and talking out loud is just one of them. Yes, it is the most common one, but that doesn’t mean people who struggle with verbal communication aren’t socially intelligent.
I suffer from social anxiety sometimes, and when it washes over me, my verbal skills aren’t great, to say the least.
But if you give me a keyboard and tell me to write a long formal email, I’ll bang it out in five minutes and send it off with no grammatical errors whatsoever.
What’s more, many introverts don’t talk simply because they don’t consider it necessary.
Instead of chatting about the weather, bonding over shared misery, or exchanging filler words just to avoid awkward silence, they prefer to be quiet.
Not to mention they understand that words carry weight, so they carefully think through what they say.
This is actually a very valuable skill that comes in handy when we encounter relationship issues because we don’t blow up or say hurtful things all that easily.
One of my exes was an introvert, too, and our disagreements were always quite slow and respectful because we were careful with our words.
We can communicate well. We just don’t do it all the time.
6) People think we have nothing interesting to say
“He never says anything much. He’s so boring.”
Well, actually…
Introverts tend to have extremely rich inner worlds. We get lost in fantasies and daydreams, we have very complex thoughts on the daily, and if you were to read our journal, you’d probably think we’re some strange breed of human.
But we don’t share that world with anyone we meet on the street. We don’t see a reason to. We only ever open ourselves fully to people we’ve decided to trust, and it takes some time to get to that stage.
Moreover, not many introverts are in the business of bragging.
Let’s say you’ve met a guy – we’ll call him Brad – who’s extremely intelligent and well-read.
Brad isn’t the person to always raise his hand in English class. He’s not one to be in charge of a student book club. He’s not going to give one-hour-long speeches about Charles Dickens.
(Introverts can, of course, do all those things. It’s just not that common.)
And do you know why?
Because he doesn’t have to. He feels no need to impress the people around him; he’s happy exploring the world and learning more about himself, and he isn’t all that invested in how others perceive him.
So, lesson number six: introverts do have very fascinating personalities. We just don’t wear them on our sleeves, as it were.
7) People think we’re not confident enough
“Ah, I see. You don’t talk much because you’re not confident enough. You’re shy! All you need is some practice. Put yourself out there. Get out into the world!”
Right. Except reserved behavior might actually have very little to do with confidence.
Let’s stay with Brad for a second. Brad likes being Brad, okay? He’s comfortable in his own skin. He has faith in his talents. He’s satisfied with his looks. Altogether, he likes himself quite a lot.
But Brad’s quiet.
Alright, now let’s look at Kevin. Kevin is the loudest boy in class, the brawliest man in the whole pub. Kevin loves to brag and boast. He loves to put on a good show. He loves the spotlight because it gives him the reassurance and validation he needs to reaffirm his sense of self-worth.
Kevin is loud.
But if you think about those two examples, you’ll realize that Brad is the confident one. Kevin’s self-esteem issues are what’s pushing him to seek validation in the external world.
(For the record, this isn’t an “introverts are good and extroverts are bad” talk. I love extroverts. It’s just an example that shows things aren’t as black-and-white.)
Some introverts are shy, yes. Some have low self-esteem, yes. But it isn’t a universal sign of introversion. Many introverts out there love who they are – as they should.
8) People think all introverts are the same
As I’ve said, all introverts are different – some might be shy, others might suffer from social anxiety, and others still might be perfectly okay with who they are and just enjoy their own company.
It’s easy to consider introversion a bad thing when we think in categories and stereotypes. If one introvert says they hate being around people, you might automatically think all introverts are the same.
But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Everyone’s true nature is unique. And the best way to cultivate that nature within ourselves is to stop trying to fit various social expectations, stop thinking in black-and-white colors, and stop forcing ourselves into shapes that simply aren’t made for us.
As the shaman Rudá Iandé says in his free masterclass “Free Your Mind”:
“Respect and love yourself and it will empower you more than anything else. This way, you are supporting your nature to blossom and bear fruits.”
If you’re an introvert looking to feel more grounded within yourself or if you’re someone who wants to reconfigure their beliefs about themselves and the world around them, I really recommend Iandé’s masterclass.
In one hour, he’s taught me more about acceptance, processing emotions, and finding spiritual power from within than many 300-page self-help books out there.
Click here to check out the free masterclass.
And remember: every introvert is unique and different. Only you know who you truly are.
9) People think we don’t fit “the company culture”
Most workplaces are set up for extroverts.
Teambuilding workshops, brainstorming sessions, regular meetings and Zoom calls, open-plan offices, teamwork-based tasks…does it ever end?
What’s more, there is a natural affinity for extroverts in our society.
In her TED Talk “The Power of Introverts”, writer and lecturer Susan Cain says that “the vast majority of teachers reports believing that the ideal student is an extrovert as opposed to an introvert, even though introverts actually get better grades and are more knowledgeable according to research.”
As far as workplaces go, Cain states that “introverts are routinely passed over for leadership positions” even though research has shown that “introverted leaders often deliver better outcomes than extroverts do”.
In summary, outgoing and chatty people tend to be naturally favored over those that are quiet and reserved. This is a real shame because introverts bring so much value to the table once they get the opportunity to speak and assert their opinions.
10) Extroverts expect extroverted behavior
Extroverts need other people to recharge their batteries, right? They quite literally require the presence of others to function at 100%.
Is it therefore all that surprising that extroverts find it strange when someone doesn’t want that? When we actually want quite the opposite?
People generally struggle to accept the unknown and understand perspectives that are completely opposite to their own.
If the world is set up for extroverts and if extroverts naturally overshadow introverts in school and the workplace, it’s really not much of a shock that introverts are considered “weird” or “odd”.
But if you’re a fellow introvert, listen to me when I say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Extroversion and introversion are both wonderful traits, and each comes with its own pros and cons.
I love being an introvert. It’s beautiful when you can find comfort and solace in the silence of your own company; when your thoughts are your best friends; when being on your own is simply enough.
Don’t try to mold yourself into someone you’re not. Embrace your true nature instead. And feel yourself thrive.
