10 special traits of people with a high capacity for forgiveness

We all have that one person in our life that seems to forgive effortlessly. 

No grudges, no hard feelings, no deep-seated resentment.

It almost feels unfair how easily they can brush off an insult or overlook a mistake, hand out second chances like single red roses, and forgive misgivings with open arms. 

Yet you – you know how well you can harbor a grudge. How it can keep you up at night, bristling as you replay the incident over and over and over again.

Some part of you wants to learn how they forgive so easily. 

Be honest: one part of you may well enjoy the self-flagellation of constantly replaying those caustic memories, but the other part of you wishes it could let go of the bitter burn left behind and move on with grace.

This subtype of individual possesses a very special something needed for navigating conflict resolution and making amends; they have a high capacity for forgiveness.

Now, it’s not uncommon to underestimate our own ability to forgive, especially when we are caught up in the heat of the moment and charged with anger.

But the following 10 traits are giveaway signs of someone who is truly able to forgive and move on. 

Maybe you already possess all the listed traits, or perhaps there is something you can take away in your own journey to becoming more forgiving:

1) They understand everyone makes mistakes

I’ll be the first to admit – I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. 

Big ones, small ones, ones I’d rather forget about… you name it. 

I would hope you also have the capacity to understand that no one is perfect, and in the process of interacting with other people and traipsing life’s chosen path, we will inevitably hurt one another.

Hopefully unintentionally, but it’ll still happen.

Those able to forgive and forget, they know this so very well. 

They’ve absconded the myth of perfection and all the toxicity that lies in its wake.

Hence why they understand that we’re all human and, as such, we’re all prone to tripping up every now and then. 

And they avoid holding people to unrealistic standards of perfection; instead, they see errors as opportunities for growth and learning, both for themselves, and the other person.

So next time someone tramples on your rose gardens or steps on your toes, remember all the times you messed up in times gone by.

Treat the mistake-maker with the same level of empathy and forgiveness the past you would like to have been treated with.

2) They don’t take things personally

It’s so easy to take things personally, especially when you’re on the receiving end of a hurtful comment or action.

But those with a high capacity for forgiveness have this innate ability to separate the action from the person.

That doesn’t mean that they take lashings of nasty comments and criticism without saying a word in return or defending themselves.

But, they know the difference between a comment made in frustration, maybe by a friend going through a time who you know, deep down, doesn’t mean it in the slightest.

And someone who is actually out to draw blood.

Forgiving individuals have the capacity to see when someone is dealing with their own set of issues and understand that their actions aren’t necessarily a reflection of themselves, or their friendship.

And this distinction does wonders for making forgiveness much easier.

Understanding that people often act out of their own pain or frustration can help create a buffer between you and the action, making it easier to forgive.

It also means the forgiving individual is usually more capable of setting boundaries to prevent further backlash and protect themselves from being the punching bag in someone else’s story.

3) They practice empathy

Empathy plays a huge, critical role in forgiveness, which by no means can be overlooked.

Those with a high capacity for forgiveness are often able to put themselves in the other person’s shoes, to understand their perspective, to feel the emotions they feel, and to navigate forgiveness accordingly.

Think of this scenario: continuing on from the point above, a friend lashes out at you and makes a hurtful comment about your sense of humor. It stings, but you know that she’s recently lost both her parents and is mourning terribly.

In response 1, you feel her pain. You’ve also lost loved ones and know how that grief takes hold of your life and causes you to bare your teeth at the world and snarl.

In response 2, you frown at her poor behavior. She clearly has no capacity to separate her personal issues from your friendship. If anything, she’s being selfish.

Obviously, response 1 is teeming with empathy that provides the foundations for having an open-mind and a forgiving heart. Without this empathy, forgiveness can be difficult to muster.

4) They value relationships over being right

Whilst, ideally, relationships are a case of working together, a partnership, etc. etc., we sometimes get caught up in a game of who is right and who is wrong.

A race.

We all know those moments when we’re convinced we’re right, and the other person is clearly wrong. We fire up the big guns and get ready to hit where it hurts, so desperate to maintain first place and seize the winner’s pedestal.

But those who are excellent at forgiveness, they see things differently. 

And no, they avoid this win/lose mindset when it comes to conflict.

They place a far higher value on the relationship than on being right. 

This means that they’re willing to let go of the need to win an argument (and to an extent, their pride) if it means preserving a connection with someone they care about

5) They let go of grudges

You heard someone mutter something under their breath once upon a time, seven years ago.

And no, despite not knowing what was actually said, you hold it to them like a moth to a flame. There’s no chance you’re letting go of the bitter resentment that accompanies believing someone degraded or criticized you.

But those with a high capacity for forgiveness?

Well, they don’t exactly lug around suitcases filled with grudges as they go.

They understand that holding onto a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. It’s detrimental to their own well-being if anything, so they choose to let it go for the sake of everyone involved.

People with a high capacity for forgiveness choose their peace of mind over holding onto past hurts. They feel the sting of the moment, sure, but they also let go of grudges and move forward.

6) They’re self-aware

Those with a high capacity for forgiveness tend always to have a keen sense of self-awareness. 

They recognize their emotions, understand their unique triggers, and know well how their actions can impact others. 

This level of introspection allows them to navigate situations with grace and understanding, and grants them the power to take accountability for their own actions.

For instance, if someone says something hurtful to them, they can recognize the sting of pain.

But instead of reacting impulsively, they take a moment to understand why the comment hurt them, how to address it in an appropriate way, and how best to move on.

7) They value inner peace

Inner peace is the ultimate goal for those with a high capacity for forgiveness. 

They understand that harboring resentment and anger only disrupts their peace of mind and tethers them to chaos.

So instead of dwelling on past wrongs, they choose to forgive; not necessarily because the other person deserves forgiveness, but because they deserve peace and it’s in peace that they thrive.

8) They practice patience

Patience is a virtue.

C’mon, I’m sure your grandma told you the same thing as a child, when you begged for a slice of her fresh-out-the-oven, burn-your-tongue-hot pie.

Patience also applies to forgiveness. 

Because it’s not always easy to forgive right away, and even the most forgiving of individuals with the biggest of hearts will not be able to move past actions that truly hurt them in an instant.

Sometimes, it takes time. 

And those who are good at forgiving understand this – they don’t rush the process.

Instead, they give themselves the time they need to heal and move forward at a pace which best suits the situation. 

Too much acceleration invariably leads to harbored resentment and grudges, so forgiveness mustn’t be rushed.

9) They have strong emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions and the emotions of others. 

Accompanying empathy hand-in-hand, emotional intelligence (or EQ) is a crucial trait for people with a high capacity for forgiveness.

Because alongside the ability to share in the pain others feel to better traverse forgiveness, possessing the ability to navigate difficult conversations means that they know when to stand up for themselves, and when to let things go.

10) They believe in second chances

Everyone makes mistakes. 

Those with a high capacity for forgiveness understand this and are often willing to give people a second chance.

Now, I’m not telling you to go around flinging second and third and eighth chances at those who do you harm.

But know that people do make mistakes, and in certain situations where this mistake was committed unintentionally, they should be granted the opportunity to grow and learn from their actions.

Forgiving individuals replace holding a grudge with offering a second chance, switching poison to wine, and trading a bitter grudge for an opportunity for improvement and growth.