Editor’s note: This article was reviewed and updated in May 2026 to meet The Vessel’s latest editorial standards. It discusses themes of trauma, grief, and difficult life experiences. If you’re experiencing something similar, speaking with a mental health professional can be a valuable source of support.
You don’t have to be a country music fan to have been saddened by the passing of Naomi Judd.
The 76-year-old Grammy Award winner and beloved country icon, who took her own life in January 2023, was the mother of country singer Wynona Judd and actor and activist Ashley Judd.
Long before her mother’s suicide, Ashley had a lot of hardships in her own life. In her book, All That Is Bitter and Sweet, she delves into how, when she was a child, her mother financially struggled to raise her and her sister before she started her career as a singer.
Judd goes into how financial troubles would often force the family to live without electricity or indoor plumbing. Then, when her mother went on tour, Ashley was left alone for long periods of time. She developed depression later in life because of her past trauma.
In August 2023, Judd was a keynote speaker and gave an address at the opening session of the American Psychological Association (APA).
“That I am here with you tonight is a testament to therapy,” she said in the speech.
No doubt, Judd has had more than her share of life experiences—even when she was a child.
Many of us have also gone through many challenging experiences in life that go a long way back.
Here are five signs that you’ve got a lot of life experience for your age, psychologically speaking.
1) You give people the support you never got…
People who have been through a lot of life experience for their age are more likely to feel empathy for other people going through their own challenges.
They’re liable not to judge and actively listen to what someone has to say, says Elizabeth Perry from mental health therapy platform, BetterUp.
Their empathy also makes them especially sensitive to other people’s non-verbal cues. They can sense when someone has something on their mind or pick up on stressed-out energy.
That’s why these people are so great at giving emotional support—something they most likely didn’t get when they needed it themselves.
People who have been through a lot can be great at validating and acknowledging other people’s feelings.
“The ability to connect is not [necessarily] limited by your own experiences,” says Perry. “An empathetic person can feel someone else’s emotions, regardless of their personal experiences…You’re able to simply listen without being forced to provide unwanted advice.”
2) …even though part of you might feel bitter about the experiences you’ve been through
People who have had a lot of life experiences that are especially challenging, even turbulent, can develop an emotional bitterness that stays with them for a long time afterwards.
This could be anything from witnessing their parents’ painful divorce, having a parent abandon them at a young age, or losing a parent in an untimely way.
It could also mean being betrayed, or like Ashley Judd, growing up without basic necessities and the stress of having to do without.
There can be unresolved feelings and trauma that makes someone feel resentful about everything they had to go through, and are perhaps still going through.
Emotional bitterness refers to feelings of sadness, resentment, and anger—especially anger—that accumulates over time, says Seth Meyers, PsyD.
“It is a secondary emotion, outside of sadness, happiness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust that can result from insult or injury. Feeling bitter involves mixed emotions, and it can be hard to identify and express in simple terms.”
3) You’re able to keep calm in stressful situations
Because people who have gone through a lot know that life can be unpredictable, they appreciate the joys—big and small—they have in life, and have worked hard to get.
“Staying grateful for everything they have in their life—no matter how small—can keep things in perspective and help you maintain a positive attitude,” says the team at Psychological Health Care.
“You can’t control what life will throw at you next, but you can learn to cope with pressurized situations and deal with stress in a healthy way.”
4) You can’t help but have a “been there, done that” air about you
You’ve probably heard this phrase; in fact, you may have said it many times yourself.
“Been there, done that,” means “I have experienced this before and I’m not particularly interested in going through it again.”
It usually means that a person has learned from their life experiences, and they know what they will and will not do again.
They may have set some boundaries, for example, for their own protection and emotional well-being.
5) You can’t help but be triggered from time to time
About a year and a half ago, I interviewed Marina Nemat who, at age 16, was kidnapped by Iranian authorities for speaking out against the regime.
She was taken to the country’s infamous Evin Prison and was about to be executed when a guard who fell in love with her managed to get her sentence downgraded at literally the last minute.
That’s more life experience than anyone should ever have to go through in an entire lifetime let alone by the age of 18.
In our conversation, Nemat and I discussed her imprisonment and the trauma she faced after she was released. Her PTSD bubbled up ironically when her life seemed stable on the outside: she had married, moved to Canada, started a family and bought a house.
She told me that although she has dealt with her trauma and her past, the smallest things can trigger anxiety and nightmares. She said she can’t help but ruminate about how differently her life could have gone: she could have been executed, or she could have faced life in prison.
Despite the anxiety and the worrying, Nemat has learned to recognize the triggers and knows how to calm herself down when she needs to. Writing her memoir, Prisoner of Tehran, and getting it all out helped her to channel her anxiety.
A trigger is anything from a feeling, smell, sound, or sight that instigates a bad feeling, says the mental health team at Sutter Health.
“Trauma reminders can cause your body to react without much warning. Simple reminders of your traumatic experience, such as seeing or hearing something similar to your actual experience, can cause intense physical reactions.”
Journaling, breath work, and seeing a trusted mental health professional—particularly someone who specializes in trauma—can go a long way in dealing with triggers and promoting overall healing.
Ultimately, life experiences will retain the meaning you give them
“Bad” things will happen in life, to some people more than others.
But getting through it can add meaning to your life if you allow it, says psychologist Catherine Aponte, PsyD.
“There is a line of psychological research that suggests that getting through difficult or negative experiences, such as death, divorce, health crisis, loss of job, or life events like those listed above can add meaning to your life.”
Perhaps your parents’ divorce taught you to be resilient, for example. Maybe your father abandoning you at a young age made you determined to not only never to do something like that to your own family, but to also be more open and communicative with how you relate to them—
…once you were able to resolve your anger over it.
“Working through difficulties can increase resilience to life and lead to self-awareness and wisdom.”
Aponte also says that asking “what” (“What was this experience trying to teach me?”) as opposed to “why” (e.g. “Why did this have to happen to me?”) promotes a particular kind of self-awareness that can produce a positive outcome for one’s mental health.
