Despite living in a time when keeping in touch is more accessible than ever before, many people feel lonely.
Maybe because sending your friends memes isn’t as rewarding as catching up over a delicious cup of coffee.
And video calling is considerably less wholesome than bonding face-to-face.
But is this the new normal, or should you try to foster closer relationships?
Here are 7 signs you’re lacking genuine connection and warmth in your life, according to psychology.
Figuring out where you stand is the first step to improving your circumstances.
1) You feel lonely
Spending time in your own company isn’t the same as loneliness.
So, the first sign that you lack genuine connections in your life is that you *feel* lonely.
It might sound obvious, but sometimes identifying the emotion isn’t as straightforward as you might think, especially if you’re not used to experiencing it.
As an introvert, I’ve always loved to be on my own. I live alone, I work from home, and I’m generally a big fan of solitude.
A few months after the pandemic hit, however, I started to experience a feeling I was unfamiliar with.
Being alone didn’t bring me the same comfort it used to. I got restless and longed for connection.
It took me a few weeks until I realized that – hey! – I guess this is what loneliness feels like?
According to psychology, subtle symptoms of loneliness include gaining weight, surrounding yourself with stuff, and getting sick more often than usual.
Don’t ignore them if they suddenly pop up.
2) You isolate yourself
It might sound counterintuitive, but many lonely people end up isolating themselves rather than reaching out to others.
The loneliness makes them believe they’re unworthy of meaningful relationships or that others won’t truly value their company.
As a result, they begin to avoid social interactions altogether, thinking they have nothing to offer and not wanting to feel like a burden to those around them.
Sometimes, our brain becomes our worst enemy.
Psychologists state that social isolation and loneliness are connected, and multiple studies show they negatively impact your mental health.
Isolation can even become a maladaptive coping mechanism for dealing with feelings of loneliness.
Rather than confronting the lack of genuine connection and warmth in your life head-on, you retreat into solitude as a way to avoid the risks associated with being social.
Like rejection.
Add low confidence into the mix, and breaking the cycle of self-isolation becomes a challenging endeavor.
Since it involves stepping out of your comfort zone, you’ll need to arm yourself with plenty of courage.
3) Your relationships are superficial
According to psychology, a deep relationship entails being able to talk about your beliefs and experiences.
You may be surrounded by acquaintances – but if all you talk about is the weather or trends, the connection isn’t genuine enough to infuse warmth into your life.
Superficial relationships are easy to identify:
- They involve minimal time and effort (you only interact sporadically or in specific social contexts, like at work)
- They are based on factors such as proximity, social status, or appearance
- Conversations tend to revolve around surface-level topics
- You avoid discussing your true thoughts, fears, and feelings
- Interactions feel transactional in nature
Superficial relationships rarely give you the opportunity to showcase your authentic self.
In short, they perpetually leave you wanting more.
4) Your interactions don’t fulfill you
Similarly, another sign you’re lacking genuine connection and warmth in your life is that all your interactions leave you unfulfilled.
Despite being social, each outing or chat makes you feel hollow and lonelier than you were before.
Studies found that, when you’re dealing with high feelings of loneliness, being with others is associated with the same or even a lower level of well-being than being alone.
It may be because you struggle to relate to others on an emotional level, or you find it difficult to express your emotions authentically.
This leads to a sense of alienation.
On occasion, dealing with others can even leave you drained, especially if the relationships are toxic or you don’t resonate with others on a deeper level.
That brings me to my next point.
5) You feel misunderstood
Feeling misunderstood by others also signals that you’re lacking genuine connection and warmth in your life.
Psychologists point out that a lack of deep, nourishing bonds can mean you’re lonely, even if you’re an outgoing person.
Perhaps you long for connections where you can be fully accepted for who you are, yet find that your interactions with others fall short of these expectations.
This mismatch between expectations and reality is hard to swallow.
I grew up watching TV shows like Friends and Sex and the City, so I always thought I would one day be part of a close-knit group of people who cherish me, warts and all.
But reality isn’t as glam as it looks on television.
I forged meaningful friendships, yet I never had the elusive friend group I dreamt about as I was heading to college.
My friends and I don’t live in the same building, work for the same company, or have the same amount of free time as Carrie Bradshaw.
They’re disparate relationships, and I have to actively put time and effort into nourishing them.
I had to adjust my expectations for what real friendship looks like, but I never gave up on the idea of finding people who see me for who I am.
Luckily, I’ve stumbled upon a few.
If you’re feeling misunderstood, it may be because you haven’t found your people.
Your time will come.
6) You rely on social media validation
When people lack validation in their offline relationships, they may turn to social media as a substitute.
Does that sound like anyone you know?
Unfortunately, researchers point out that more time spent on social media is frequently associated with higher levels of loneliness.
No matter how many likes and comments you get, you can’t enjoy the same level of intimacy online as in real life.
Despite the illusion of engagement, social media interactions lack the authenticity that characterizes genuine human connection.
Plus, spending excessive time online can lead to a disconnection from reality.
Slowly but steadily, you can become more focused on crafting your online persona and less interested in engaging with others in the offline world.
That doesn’t sound like a viable long-term plan for someone who longs for genuine connection.
7) You’re emotionally numb
According to psychology, past trauma and mental health problems play a significant role in preventing you from bonding with others.
If you feel emotionally numb in general, something deeper is likely at play.
You may notice a diminished ability to experience joy, excitement, sadness, or other emotions that you would typically expect in certain situations.
Additionally, you may be more apathetic than usual and unable to muster much enthusiasm for social activities.
Instead, you engage in comforting, but unhealthy behaviors such as overeating, substance abuse, or excessive screen time.
When that’s the case, connecting with people also becomes trickier.
Meeting new folks sounds exhausting, and existing relationships suffer as well.
Cue the loneliness.
Bottom line
Recognize yourself in the above?
The good news is that you can turn things around.
Start by understanding what aspects of your life contribute to your sense of isolation and identify any potential barriers keeping you from forming meaningful bonds.
A mental health professional can tremendously help with this.
From there, check in with your current buddies and see if there’s anything you can do to deepen existing connections.
If not, widen your social circle.
Join communities that align with your interests or values, as this gives you a pool of potential new friends with whom you already have something in common.
Hopefully, you’ll meet like-minded people excited to discover how amazing you are.
Until then, I’m sending a tight (virtual) hug your way.
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