Being on the receiving end of emotional manipulation is complex.
You see, emotional manipulation tactics are not always obvious.
Being in a relationship with an emotional manipulator can be challenging, and recognizing their tactics is the first step towards managing these situations.
In this article, I’ll uncover eight emotional manipulation tactics that most people overlook.
Remember, emotional manipulation is a deliberate strategy used by people to control others.
It’s not a personal failing on your part.
1) Gaslighting
Ever heard of the term “gaslighting”?
This is a classic emotional manipulation tactic that is often overlooked.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the manipulator makes you question your own sanity, memory or reality.
For example, they might insist you said or did something that you absolutely didn’t. When you deny it, they’ll accuse you of being forgetful or even lying.
The intent behind gaslighting is to make you doubt yourself so much that you start to believe their version of events over your own.
It’s a cunning way of gaining power and control in a relationship.
It’s important to remember that your experiences and memories are valid.
If you find yourself constantly second-guessing your recollection of events, this could be a sign of gaslighting.
Recognizing it is the first step to dealing with it effectively.
Don’t let their distorted reality become your own.
Stand your ground and trust in your experiences and memory.
2) Excessive complimenting
When we think of manipulation, we usually picture something negative.
But what if I told you that excessive complimenting could be a covert manipulation tactic?
Yes, you heard it right.
While everyone loves to hear kind words about themselves, an emotional manipulator might use compliments as a tool to get what they want.
They might shower you with praises, flatter your ego and make you feel incredibly special.
But behind this torrent of compliments could be a hidden agenda—to make you more susceptible to their requests or to distract you from their less appealing behaviors.
The key is to recognize when the compliments seem too good to be true or feel out of place.
Genuine compliments are given without expecting anything in return, they’re not a means to an end.
Of course, not every compliment is a sign of manipulation.
But if the praises seem excessive and are often followed by a favor or request, it’s time to reassess the situation.
3) Playing the victim
In an emotionally manipulative dynamic, one party may often resort to playing the victim.
It’s a tactic that shifts the focus from their behavior to your reaction, making it seem like they’re the ones being wronged.
This strategy involves expressing excessive amounts of distress or claiming to be mistreated or misunderstood when confronted.
The goal is to evoke sympathy and divert attention away from any legitimate concerns you may have raised.
Interestingly, our brains are hardwired to respond with empathy when we see someone else in pain or distress.
This is why the victim card can be such an effective manipulation technique.
If you find that someone consistently paints themselves as the victim, particularly when issues are brought up, it’s important to step back and objectively assess the situation.
Don’t let guilt cloud your judgment.
It’s okay to set boundaries and stand up for yourself, even when someone else is portraying themselves as hurt or upset.
4) The silent treatment
Sometimes, the loudest form of emotional manipulation is silence.
Known as the ‘silent treatment’, this tactic involves withdrawing communication or ignoring someone as a means of punishment or control.
When you’re on the receiving end, it can feel incredibly isolating and hurtful.
You may find yourself questioning what you did wrong and even blaming yourself for the breakdown in communication.
It’s important to remember that everyone has a right to their feelings and sometimes, people genuinely need space to process things.
However, when silence is used persistently as a tool to make you feel guilty or anxious, it becomes unhealthy.
If you’re experiencing the silent treatment, try not to internalize the blame.
Seek support from friends and family, and if it continues, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance.
5) Guilt tripping
We’ve all been there. You’re put in a situation where you feel guilty for not complying with someone’s wishes, even if it’s against your better judgment or personal comfort.
This is known as guilt tripping – a common emotional manipulation tactic.
The manipulator might use phrases like “If you really cared about me, you would…” or “After all I’ve done for you…”.
The aim is to make you feel so guilty that you end up doing what they want, even if it’s not what you want.
It’s natural to want to avoid disappointing others, especially those we care about.
But it’s important to recognize when this is being used against you.
Your feelings, needs, and wants are just as valid and you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for prioritizing them.
Remember to stand your ground.
It’s okay to say no and set boundaries without feeling guilty about it.
6) Negative comparisons
A subtle yet highly effective manipulation tactic often employed is negative comparisons.
The manipulator might compare you unfavorably to others in order to make you feel inadequate or insecure.
Let me illustrate with an example from my own life.
I once had a friend who would constantly compare me to her other friends.
She’d say things like “Sarah is always so fun at parties, why can’t you be more like her?” or “Mike never says no when I ask for help, why do you always have to make a fuss?”.
At first, it seemed like harmless observations.
Over time, however, I realized that these comparisons were making me feel less than and causing me to question my worth.
It was a way for her to control and manipulate my behavior based on the insecurities she was creating.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that it’s not about you being inadequate.
It’s about them trying to control you through negative comparisons.
You are unique, and your worth is not determined by how well you match up to others according to someone else’s standards.
Be proud of who you are.
7) Using affection as a bargaining chip
In a healthy relationship, love and affection are freely given, not used as currency.
However, emotional manipulators often use affection as a bargaining chip.
They may withhold love, attention or affection when you don’t act the way they want.
Conversely, they might shower you with affection when you comply with their wishes.
This transactional approach to love can be incredibly damaging.
It sets up an unhealthy dynamic where you might feel compelled to behave in certain ways just to receive basic expressions of love.
Here’s the hard truth: anyone who uses affection as a bargaining chip does not have your best interests at heart.
Love should never be conditional on compliance or specific behaviors.
You deserve to be loved for who you are, not what you do.
Don’t accept anything less.
8) Twisting the truth
The final manipulation tactic we’ll discuss is perhaps the most damaging: twisting the truth.
Manipulators have a knack for bending reality to suit their narrative, making you question your own understanding of situations.
They may deny saying something they clearly said, or insist an event happened differently than you remember.
This distortion of truth can make you doubt your own perception and memory, leaving you vulnerable to further manipulation.
Here’s what you must remember: trust your instincts.
If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
Your experiences and memories are valid, and no one has the right to distort them for their own gain.
Stay strong, trust yourself, and don’t let anyone manipulate your reality.
Moving forward
Understanding emotional manipulation is a crucial step in safeguarding your mental and emotional health—and it’s an issue that touches us all in varying degrees.
Investing energy in recognizing these tactics is never a waste.
It’s an investment in your self-worth and emotional wellbeing.
Here’s to forging healthier, more respectful relationships—because you deserve nothing less!
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