12 warning signs the guy you’re dating is definitely not the one

Ever heard the saying, “Dating is a numbers game?”. Well, it’s true.

Sometimes, you have to kiss a few frogs to find the person who’s truly right for you.

In the early stages of dating someone, there’s often a ton of questions about whether this person is right for you.

Just like there are some clear signs that a relationship is going well, there are some very obvious warnings that a guy is not the person for you.

If you think there’s something off about the guy you’re dating, check out these 12 warning signs he’s definitely not the one.

1) He makes you feel anxious

One thing your boyfriend shouldn’t be making you feel is anxious.

When you have an anxious attachment style in relationships, you can fall into something called the “anxious-avoidant trap”.

This basically means you’re dating someone with an avoidant attachment style who constantly triggers your anxiousness (which isn’t a good thing).

Relationships take some compromise and understanding about how the other person is. So, you should talk things over if you’re feeling anxious to see how you both can work on it.

But if this doesn’t work, it’s bad news. Living your life in a constant state of anxiousness isn’t any way to live – and the guy you’re dating isn’t for you if that’s how you feel 24/7.

2) You don’t see a future with him

When I was with my ex, he’d always say, “When I have kids” or “When I get married” – rather than when “we” do these things.

It was a small deal, but since he ended things, it’s very clear now that he didn’t see a future with me.

And in honesty, I didn’t see myself having those things with him either. I just couldn’t imagine us having breakfast with our kids on a Saturday morning.

Or walking down the aisle to him. Or just being with him until I was old and gray.

And it was a surefire sign that he just wasn’t the right guy for me.

3) You don’t 100% trust him

Relationships are built on trust. Few relationships can survive without it.

Perhaps he’s cheated on you in the past and every time he goes out now you worry.

Or maybe he’s lied to you one too many times about things in his life. So everything he says makes you question whether he’s being truthful.

I dated a guy once who was a compulsive liar. He’d lie about everything, and I’d catch him out on it all the time. After a while, I stopped believing anything he said.

That’s when I knew it was over. Because once the trust was gone like that, there was no way it could ever come back.

4) There are issues you can’t get past

Maybe he doesn’t get on with your family. Or maybe the way he acts and behaves around his friends just doesn’t sit right with you.

Whatever it is about him, you just can’t seem to get past the issues you have. And no matter how much you talk things through, nothing changes.

Because he’s just not the right person for you.

5) You’re not attracted to him physically

Physical attraction is an important thing for most people in relationships. When your boyfriend or husband makes you cringe, rather than turned on, this isn’t a good sign.

Physical attraction can fluctuate, especially as you go through different life stages and body changes.

Many long-term couples are attracted to each other’s physical appearance before finding attraction in them on the whole.

And when they’ve been together a long time, the attraction remains. But it’s just different from how it was in the early stages.

If your physical attraction has completely gone for the guy you’re dating, and the idea of being intimate with him makes you cringe, he’s probably not the one for you.

6) He grosses you out (and not in a funny way)

I’ve often laughed with my partner about the weird and gross things he does. It’s funny and we joke about it endearingly.

But when your partner grosses you out, and it isn’t funny, this isn’t a good sign.

Even if you feel bad about the way you feel, that doesn’t make it OK to feel this way about someone you’re dating.

It could mean that the physical attraction to your partner has well and truly disappeared.

If that’s the case for you (and there aren’t other external reasons for the change in your attraction to him), it might be time to end things.

7) You don’t agree with his worldview

Perhaps he’s a bit misogynistic. Or maybe he has political views that you don’t agree with.

You don’t have to have all the same opinions to be in a happy relationship. Everyone is different and it’s almost impossible to find someone exactly like you.

But having shared values is an important thing in relationships. If you want to have a family together, you need to agree on how you’re going to raise your kids.

If he treats people or animals differently from how you would, it can cause some tension.

Or if he has a different work ethic to you, and you can’t reach a mutual understanding about how the other likes to work, you may struggle long-term.

8) You’re dating him so you don’t have to be alone

Think about the reason why you’re dating this person.

Are you dating him because you truly like him? Or are you dating him because you’re trying to get over your ex? Or just don’t want to be on your own?

Being alone is a scary thing, especially when you’ve always been in relationships.

But there’s so much you can learn about yourself by being on your own. And staying with a guy just for the sake of it isn’t a healthy way to live.

9) You like the idea of him, rather than the real him

I dated someone once who I liked the idea of, rather than the real him.

I liked the idea of being with someone who lived life the way he did. I liked the idea of being a part of it, too.

But did I really like him? Unfortunately not. He didn’t have the same values as me and I didn’t really like the way he acted or treated me.

It was just the idea of being with him that I liked, not the real him.

10) You’re in love with his potential

One question you have to ask yourself when you’re dating a guy is do you like him for who he is now? Or do you like him for the person he could be?

Dating someone for their potential is never a good idea.

Holding onto the idea that you could “fix him” or that “one day” he could treat you better is dangerous grounds.

Because that day probably won’t ever come. And if you’re not happy with who he is now, you probably not going to be happy with him ever.

11) You prefer the old version of him

People change as they go through life and experience new things. This is especially the case when you turn 25 – when experts say your brain fully develops.

Some people grow together in a relationship. So no matter how much life changes, you still love and commit to one another like you always did.

But sometimes, people grow apart.

It’s hard to accept that someone you once loved isn’t right for you anymore. And it’s natural to want to hold onto that version of him, hoping he comes back one day.

But the reality is that he isn’t going to return to the person he once was. And holding onto that version of him is just going to cause you more pain.

12) You know he’s bad for you

Not everyone is good for our lives. Some guys like to date women for the thrill of it. Or out of boredom or fear of being on their own.

Not because they genuinely like you.

Deep down, you can tell that this is the case. Maybe they’ve told you it directly. Or maybe you just get the feeling it’s not real love from the way they treat you.

Casually dating someone is fine until someone gets hurt. If you already know this guy is going to hurt you, or he’s already hurting you, he’s not the one for you.

And cutting him off sooner rather than later might be the best thing for you.

Final thoughts

Realizing that the guy you’re dating isn’t the one for you can be a bit disappointing. Especially if you’ve been single for some time and can’t seem to hit it off with anyone.

But remember, just because this guy isn’t the one, that doesn’t mean you’re destined to spend your life alone.

My friend was single for three years before she found her soulmate (her words, not mine). Other friends I’ve known have only been dating for a short time before something just clicked with a guy.

So keep your head (and your standards) high, and the right one will come eventually.

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