9 things every narcissist will do at the end of a relationship

Narcissists are nasty people.

At least, they are deep down. On the surface, they can seem like the most wonderful, charming person you’ve ever met.

It’s only when you get to know them better that the cracks begin to appear. They start controlling you, putting you down, and just generally making you feel low.

Deciding to break up with a narcissist takes a ton of strength. Not just because breakups are hard. But because they play dirty when they don’t get their own way.

Think you might be dealing with a narcissist? Here are 9 things they’ll do at the end of the relationship – and how to protect yourself from their mind games!

1) Blame the breakup on you

One thing a narcissist will absolutely do when you’re breaking up is blame the “failure” of the relationship on you.

They’ll obviously do this if you are the one to end things. But they’ll even do it when they end things themselves!

Like a friend of mine. When her ex split up with her, he said it was all her fault. She’d “Gained weight and made life too easy for him”, so he said.

I’m not saying he was a narcissist. But this behavior definitely makes it seem that way!

Narcissists do things like this because they want to incite guilt and shame in you. They also don’t like being wrong or “failing”, and a breakup can feel like a failure to them. So they’ll do and say anything to make it seem like it’s anyone’s fault but their own…

2) Refuse to accept that it’s ending

Narcissists like to be in control of their lives. They also like to be in control of their partner as best they can.

If you’ve ever been broken up with before, you’ll know how out of control it makes you feel about your own life.

This is hard enough for anyone to accept, but it’s especially hard for a narcissist – since they base their entire self-worth on their ability to control things!

So when you try to end things, a narcissist might dismiss what you’re saying and refuse to accept it.

“You don’t really mean that” or “You’re just overreacting, come to bed and you’ll feel better in the morning” are things they might say.

3) Promise to “be what you want”

Again, because narcissists hate rejection, they’ll try to stop the breakup in any way possible.

They’ll hit you with the classic, “I promise I can change” or “I’m ready to be better now”. Or even the famous, “I’ll do whatever you want me to do”.

Sadly, these are all false promises when they come from the mouth of a narcissist. I know all too well that people don’t really change, especially narcissists. If they do, they do it because they want to, rather than because you want them to.

Since narcissists don’t really care enough about anyone except themselves (owed to their lack of empathy), “being better” isn’t something they’re capable of.

Plus, if they really cared about you, they’d treat you nicely to begin with, rather than waiting until you’re at your breaking point!

4) Guilt-trip you into reconsidering

Narcissists don’t like it when you say no to them. The things they value most in life are power and control.

If promising to be better doesn’t work on you, a narcissist won’t be happy about it. And their tactics will turn dirty to get you to stay.

They might say something like, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me after everything I’ve been through” or even “I’ll kill myself if you leave”.

Because narcissists target people with high empathy, they know these things will play on your mind and make you feel guilty. Which, of course, is very, very manipulative!

5) Get you to feel sorry for them

Even if they don’t go the extremes like the above, a narcissist might still try to use your empathy to their advantage and make you feel sorry for them.

They’ll tell you how sad they’ve been since you left them. Or how much they’ve been crying over you. They might even tell you how much they’ve missed you.

This might come across like they’re genuinely sad and are finally being vulnerable with you, but it’s all just another lie.

While they may actually feel a little sad that you’re gone, they’ll feel this way mostly because you’ve stung their pride by leaving, rather than out of true sadness.

And because they’re sad that they no longer have the control over you that they once had, rather than because they actually miss you…

6) Try to make you jealous

If you stay strong and go through with the breakup, a narcissist won’t just accept what’s happened and try to move on with their life.

Instead, they’ll try to make you feel as bad as possible about ending things. One way they’ll do this is by trying to make you jealous.

Sometimes, this will be immediate. You might still be having the conversation, and they’ll start texting other girls/guys they know asking to meet up. Or they might go on social media and start liking pictures in front of you.

Or it’ll happen shortly after. Like they might download the dating apps and use your email address, so you get the notification. Or flaunt on social media how they’ve found someone new to “replace” you instantly or just that they’re dating other people.

Either way, it’s another one of their tactics to manipulate you into feeling bad, guilty, or regretful of your decision to end things!

7) Insult you and your personality

Remember I said earlier how my friend’s ex called her overweight when he broke up with her? Well, this is exactly what a narcissist will do when you try to break up with them, too.

They might try many other things on this list to get you to stick around. But when these fail, they can turn real nasty, real fast.

They might tell you how “ugly” or “unattractive” you are. They might tell you how much weight you’ve gained (like my friend’s ex did), even if you haven’t gained any weight at all!

Mostly, they’ll target your insecurities. Like if they know you’re a little insecure about your weight, nose, or just your slightly goofy personality, they’ll make sure they insult those things.

These insults might come immediately. Or they might come via text or phone call a couple of weeks after the breakup…

8) Create doubt in your head

“Do you really think you’re going to find better than me?”, they might say. Or “You’re not good enough for anyone else and you’re deluded if you think you are”.

Of course, these are nasty things to say. But that isn’t the reason a narcissist will say these kinds of things. They’ll say them to create doubt in your head!

Deciding to break up with someone is a hard decision. Everyone wonders whether they’re making the right choice and whether they’ll find better (in my experience, you are and you will!).

A narcissist will play on those doubts. And they’ll try to use them to get you to reconsider your decision and stick with them instead of leaving…

8) Change for the better temporarily

Remember how we said a narcissist will promise to be better if you try to break up with them? Well, they might actually deliver on that promise for a short while!

Even if you go through with the breakup, in the days and weeks that follow, they might be exactly who you want them to be.

Like I said earlier, narcissists are charming people. That’s how they manage to get into relationships in the first place. And once they have you, they slowly show their true colors.

Once you’ve broken up, a narcissist might revert back to the person they were in the beginning to win you back over. They’ll be as charming as ever and will essentially lovebomb you in the hopes that you fall back in love with them!

Or at least, until you take them back.

As hard as it is, don’t fall into their trap. Because it is a trap. And you best believe they’ll go right back to treating you badly as soon as they have you again…

Final thoughts

Breaking up with a narcissist isn’t easy (trust me, I know!). But remember, you made this decision for a reason.

If the person you’re dating really is a narcissist, they aren’t good for your life. And everything they’re doing (like the above) is textbook narcissistic behavior.

Besides, most of the time, they won’t really even want you back. They just want to know they can have you to mend their bruised ego.

So stay strong and don’t listen to their nasty games. Because you are worthy of so much better, no matter what they say! And you can find so much more happiness in life without them in it.

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