8 signs you have a genuinely patient man in your life, according to psychology

Impatient men are generally difficult to be around.

They snap at the smallest things and always make you feel like you always have to rush through everything for their sake.

That’s why if you care about your peace of mind, you’ll want to surround yourself with better company—men who are genuinely patient and kind.

But how can you tell which is which?

Well, according to psychology, here  are 8 signs of a genuinely patient man.

1) He knows how to manage his expectations

You can show him an essay with a bunch of elementary mistakes in it and he’s not going to snap and say “How could you mess this up? This is so simple!”

And that’s because he expects people around him to fail to some degree or another. 

One could even say that he’s somewhat pessimistic. But the thing is that he has the right amount and the right kind of pessimism.

And that’s a good thing! 

Pessimism has a bad reputation but we all need to have just the right kind of pessimism to keep us grounded.

One would think that we want the people around  us to be full of optimism, but no—according to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, too much optimism can easily lead to unrealistic expectations that very few people will ever meet.

And those unrealistic expectations in turn will lead to impatience when we’re hit by the flaws of the people around us.

2) He doesn’t have a lot of trauma and hangups

Men with abandonment issues or self-esteem issues often get very impatient if the people close to them.

They’d lash out if you don’t reply to their texts, for example.

They will react very aggressively at any perceived slight, even when no harm was intended.

Now to be precise, it’s not the trauma itself that makes men impatient and unbearable.

There’s nothing wrong with being traumatized, or accommodating people who are suffering from traumas.

The problem is that way too many men don’t address their traumas to appear “strong” and “manly”.

And this means their problems are everyone else’s problems as well.

Genuinely patient people are people who have put in the effort to fix their traumas. 

They can be patient with people who take forever to respond and with people who aren’t perfect because they know it’s not an attack on their character.

3) He believes anything worth having takes time

It doesn’t matter if it’s his relationship, his hobby, or his work—he doesn’t just throw up his hands and give up just because results are taking longer than expected.

He doesn’t throw the pencil and give up because he can’t draw a proper hand after weeks of practice.

He doesn’t look for another job because he hasn’t gotten a raise in a year.

According to the American psychologist Mark Travers, our ability to practice patience increases in step with our desire for the reward.

Men who believe that everything is worth the time he puts in are the kind of men who could afford to be so patient.

4) He’s kind towards children and animals

Children are loud, do a lot of things that drive us up the wall, and poop without warning. Animals do a lot of the same things, too. 

And it’s because of these reasons that a lot of people struggle to deal with them.

They’d shout at them, and stay away from them as much as possible.

But a genuinely patient man will have learned how to be kind and nurturing towards children and animals.

He doesn’t let children drive him up the wall, and he understands that animals don’t always understand everything he does.

In other words, he’s a deeply compassionate person.

And you can trust that a man who has learned how to be patient towards children and animals will also be more patient towards other people in general.

After all, he’s already got a lot of training.

5) He has mastered emotional regulation

Most men have a very strange relationship with emotions, and you have the world to thank for that.

According to society, men should be “stoic”, to be logical and not let themselves be affected by their emotions. 

But on the other hand, they make an excuse for anger—the “manly” emotion!

So what happens is that a lot of men bottle up their emotions until they finally explode… because “men will be men”, and crying is for wimps and women.

But every once in a while, you’ll encounter a man who has learned healthy ways to regulate his emotions. 

Instead of flipping the table or punching holes in the wall when he gets mad or jealous, he finds ways to manage anger.

There’s a reason why men who can regulate their emotions like this are also likely to be incredibly patient.

According to Kate Sweeny, a professor of psychology at the University of California, patience is not a “virtue” but a form of emotional regulation that we can all learn.

A patient man isn’t necessarily someone who doesn’t get frustrated, but he’s the one who knows how to manage his impatience.

6) He genuinely enjoys slow living

Some men are hyper-obsessed with productivity and becoming “successful” as quickly as possible. 

They have what psychologists call Type A personality.

They want to get rich quickly. 

They want to squeeze every minute of their days being productive.

They want to rush deadlines to feel good.

And it’s no surprise that these men, more often than not, are the ones who are always angry and impatient.

They will feel like their time is being wasted if their date shows up 15 minutes late. In fact, given that time is quite literally money for them, it might as well be.

It’s an inherently impatient state of mind. 

If you want to find someone who’s genuinely patient, look for those who can genuinely appreciate the slow life

Choose to be with someone who has no problems with watching rain fall for an hour and spending days slowly carving a block of wood.

7) He’s not entitled

According to psychology, entitlement (a person’s pervasive need for deservingness) and patience are mortal enemies. 

You can’t be patient and still be entitled—and that includes even those who try to make a big deal about how “patient” they are.

People poke fun at entitled women (Karens) but frankly, entitled men are significantly worse.

Entitled men expect to be treated a certain way, or to be respected without having put in the effort to actually deserve it.

So if they don’t get what they’ve come to expect, like if people forgot to credit them or if, then they’ll snap.

A genuinely patient man is one who has humility, regardless of where he is in life. 

He could be a literal king or prince and still fall in line patiently at McDonald’s like any other person.

8) He has a healthy sense of humor

Humor is a pretty good way to deal with the stresses of life.

It’s a form of emotional regulation, and many impatient people learn how to be more patient by leaning into their sense of humor.

Yes, life is serious business. But the best way to survive it is by not taking it TOO seriously

There’s just too many things in it that will easily fray our nerves if we approach life with a no-nonsense attitude.

So if you know a guy who likes to joke around a ton, congrats! 

He’s most likely someone who has plenty of patience to spare.

Now he might not necessarily be the most patient person you’ll ever know, but chances are that he’s still more patient than the average.

Final thoughts

We’re too used to thinking of patience as a virtue, or as a personality trait that we’re simply born with.

But there’s good news. 

According to a 2012 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology, patience (or the lack thereof) is changeable.

So if you (or your man) are not particularly patient now, you can always develop yourselves and become more patient. 

But don’t take that to mean that YOU can just change the men around you to be more patient. 

They’ll have to work on it themselves if they want to be easier to handle…and you can help them do that by gently confronting them about it.

Encourage them to relax a little, to be gentler on themselves, and infect them with your sense of humor.

But if things don’t change, then you know what to do: find better men. 

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