7 signs someone isn’t your real friend, according to psychology

We all cherish the bonds we form with our friends. They’re the ones who laugh with us, cry with us, and keep our secrets tucked away safely.

But have you ever had a friend who didn’t quite seem… genuine?

Well, psychology has a lot to say about friendships. More specifically, it points out certain signs that indicate someone may not be your real friend.

Why is this important?

Being aware of these signs can help you steer clear of toxic relationships and surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you.

Now, I’m not saying you should start doubting every friend you have. But sometimes, a little awareness can go a long way.

So, if you’re curious about the signs that someone isn’t your real friend, stick around.

This might just help you understand your friendships better, and who knows? It may even save you some heartache down the line.

1) They make your problems about themselves

Does your friend turn every conversation about themself?

Here’s the scoop.

According to psychology, a big red flag in any friendship is when the other person consistently makes your problems about themselves.

You’re feeling down? Instead of offering comfort, they start talking about the time they felt even worse.

Why does this matter?

True friends listen and empathize when you’re going through a tough time.

They don’t hijack your feelings or experiences to focus on themselves.

Remember, a strong friendship is based on mutual support and understanding. It’s not a one-way street.

2) They’re only around in good times

Everyone loves a good party, right?

The laughter, the fun, the unforgettable memories…but what happens when the party is over, and you’re left dealing with your personal issues?

Here’s a personal story.

I once had a friend who was always the life of the party. We’d hang out, have fun, and it was all great.

But when I faced some personal trials—losing a job, dealing with family issues—this friend was nowhere to be seen.

They’d suddenly become too busy or just not respond to my messages.

Psychology tells us this is a common sign of a fair-weather friend—someone who’s there for the good times but disappears when things get tough.

What’s the bottom line?

Real friends don’t just stick around for the highs. They’re there during the lows too, offering support and comfort when you need it most.

If your friend seems to vanish whenever things aren’t so rosy, it might be a sign they aren’t your real friend.

3) They don’t celebrate your achievements

Picture this: You’ve just landed your dream job or maybe you’ve achieved a personal goal you’ve been working towards.

You’re over the moon and can’t wait to share the news with your friends.

But then, there’s that one friend who reacts differently. Instead of sharing your excitement, they downplay your achievement or even worse, they show a tinge of jealousy.

Ouch.

According to psychology, this is another telltale sign. A true friend rejoices in your successes and cheers you on as you reach for your dreams.

They don’t belittle your achievements or let envy cloud their happiness for you.

If you find yourself hesitating to share good news with a friend for fear of their reaction, take a step back.

It could be a sign that they aren’t really your friend after all.

Because, let’s face it, life’s too short to surround ourselves with negativity. We all deserve to be celebrated and supported by those we call friends.

4) They don’t respect your boundaries

We all have personal boundaries. They’re crucial for our mental and emotional well-being.

But what happens when a friend doesn’t respect these boundaries?

Let me paint you a picture.

You’ve had a long, tiring day, and you’ve made it clear that you need some time alone to unwind.

However, this friend keeps pushing, insisting on hanging out or continuously messaging you.

Here’s what psychology says: Disrespecting boundaries is a classic sign that someone isn’t your real friend.

A true friend understands and respects your need for space and personal time.

They don’t make you feel guilty or obliged to go against your own needs for their sake.

So, if a friend consistently oversteps your boundaries, it might be time to reassess that friendship.

After all, mutual respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

5) They gossip about you behind your back

Imagine this scenario: You find out that a friend has been spreading rumors or sharing your personal details with others.

It’s hurtful, right?

This study found that people who gossip a lot have high levels of aggression and anxiety.

When your so-called friend gossips about you, it’s more about them and their insecurities than about you.

Real friends respect your privacy and don’t spread rumors.

They talk to you if they have concerns or issues, not to everyone else.

6) They don’t make time for you

We all lead busy lives, juggling work, family, and personal commitments.

But no matter how busy we get, we always find time for the people who matter to us, right?

Life can be overwhelming and it’s okay if you can’t always hang out with your friends.

But if you notice a friend consistently avoiding spending time with you or constantly cancelling plans, it could be a sign.

A true friend values your relationship and makes an effort to spend quality time with you.

This doesn’t mean daily meetups, but simply showing up when it matters.

If a friend rarely makes time for you, it might be a sign they don’t value your friendship as much as you do. 

7) They don’t really listen to you

You’re pouring your heart out, sharing your fears, dreams, or just how your day went.

But instead of paying attention, your friend is constantly checking their phone or interrupting you with their own stories.

Listening is one of the most important aspects of friendship.

A true friend listens to understand, not to reply.

They give you their full attention and empathize with what you’re saying.

A friend who doesn’t listen to you is not a genuine friend.

Because, at the end of the day, a real friend cares about what you have to say.

They value your thoughts and feelings, and they show this by truly listening.

Final thoughts

Friendships, like any relationship, should bring joy, support, and a sense of belonging.

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these signs, it can be a tough pill to swallow.

But here’s the silver lining: Recognizing these signs is the first step towards healthier relationships.

It’s okay to reevaluate your friendships and decide what’s best for you.

You may choose to have an honest conversation, set firmer boundaries, or in some cases, part ways.

This isn’t blaming others or yourself.

It’s understanding what a real friendship looks like and not settling for less.

Remember, friendships should be a two-way street.

It’s mutual respect, understanding and shared experiences.

So reflect, take action if needed, and prioritize your wellbeing.

Because you deserve friendships that light up your life, not ones that dim your shine.