The subtle art of surviving family dinners when your boomer uncle still thinks climate change is a hoax

Last Thanksgiving, my cousin Sarah texted me from the bathroom. “He’s talking about polar bears again,” she wrote. “I can’t do this.”

I knew exactly which “he” she meant. Our uncle had spent twenty minutes explaining why climate science was overblown, punctuating each point with his fork. Sarah, who’d spent the semester writing her thesis on climate adaptation, had gone quiet halfway through the sweet potatoes.

I’ve been tracking these dynamics for years—at my own family gatherings, at friends’ holiday dinners, in the comment sections where people describe their dreaded visits home. There’s a pattern: younger person brings up climate (or doesn’t, but someone else does), older relative dismisses it, tension escalates, someone changes the subject to football.

Here’s what I’ve learned about getting through these dinners without losing your mind or your family.

What’s really happening at the table

First, some context. When researchers measured climate beliefs across generations, they found something unexpected: Baby Boomers were just as likely as Gen Z to say climate change is happening and humans are causing it.

The differences showed up in emotions and solutions, not core beliefs. Younger people felt more fear and guilt. Older people were more likely to say we’re already experiencing impacts—probably because they’ve watched weather patterns shift over decades.

Your uncle might not be the denier you think he is. But that doesn’t make dinner less tense, because you’re not really arguing about climate science.

You’re arguing about identity. When he dismisses your concerns, you hear: he doesn’t care about your future. When you counter with data, he hears: you think he’s stupid.

Stop trying to win

The dinner table isn’t a debate stage. Treating it like one is the fastest way to ruin everyone’s meal.

I learned this three years ago when I came armed with studies and charts. My aunt listened politely for five minutes, then said, “You must think I’m an idiot.” I didn’t. But my presentation sure implied it.

Our brains process disagreement as physical threat. Hearts race. The amygdala fires. When someone feels threatened, they don’t suddenly see reason. They dig in.

The goal isn’t to change minds. It’s to get through dinner without damage.

Ask questions, not arguments

Last month, I watched someone handle this perfectly. At a dinner party, my friend’s father started talking about environmental regulations hurting his business. The guy next to him—who works in climate policy—didn’t launch into a defense of regulations.

He asked questions. Which regulations specifically? How did they affect costs? What would make compliance easier?

The father talked for ten minutes. At the end: “I know we need to do something about emissions. I just wish someone would tell me how to afford it.”

The conversation shifted from positions to problems. Nobody changed their fundamental views, but the temperature in the room dropped.

Questions signal you’re interested in understanding, not just being right. “Help me understand why you see it that way” works better than “here’s why you’re wrong.” It’s actual curiosity about how someone you care about came to their conclusions.

Know when to walk away

Sometimes the right move is not engaging at all. If your uncle starts in on climate hoaxes before appetizers, you don’t owe him a debate.

“That’s an interesting perspective” isn’t agreement—it’s a door closing gently. Then redirect: “Hey, didn’t you just get back from that fishing trip?” Most people would rather talk about themselves than argue.

Sarah spent the rest of that Thanksgiving in the kitchen. Some people saw this as defeat. I saw it as strategy. She helped with dishes, talked to our aunt about her garden, avoided a fight that would’ve poisoned the next three family gatherings.

You’re allowed to opt out. You’re allowed to say “I don’t think we’re going to agree on this” and change the subject. The goal is survival, not martyrdom.

Find unexpected common ground

Here’s something that surprised me: younger Americans are more pessimistic about climate action than older Americans. We’re more likely to think it’s too late, that individual choices don’t matter.

Meanwhile, older generations report higher rates of actually changing behavior—boycotting products, adjusting consumption. They’re less likely to post about climate online but more likely to act on it daily.

This creates an opening. Instead of arguing about whether climate change is real, talk about what you’re both doing. “I’ve been trying to cut back on driving—have you noticed gas prices lately?” lands differently than “we need to reduce emissions immediately.”

It shifts the conversation from abstract positions to concrete actions, which people find less threatening.

Final thoughts

The generational divide on climate is smaller than the story we tell ourselves. The empathy gap is real, and it runs both ways.

Your uncle might not be the obstacle you’ve imagined. He might believe climate change is real but have different ideas about solutions. He might be worried about the same things you are but frame them differently. Or yes, he might genuinely think it’s overblown—but he’s not going to change his mind over turkey and stuffing.

You get to choose what matters more: being right or having a relationship. Sometimes you can have both. Often you can’t.

Sarah and our uncle talked this past summer. Not about climate—about his woodworking and her job search. It wasn’t a grand reconciliation. But it was better than the bathroom.

That’s what survival looks like. Not victory, just making it through to the next gathering with everyone still speaking.

Related Stories from The Vessel

• 9 signs a man will never emotionally mature, no matter what he promises
• If you’ve started doing these 8 things, you’re becoming the partner you always hoped to find
• If you want to become richer and more successful next year, say goodbye to these 8 habits