Becoming someone no one can control starts with one quiet decision

I’ve often found myself musing on the ways people surrender their power. Not through grand acts of sacrifice, but in those tiny, everyday moments when they swallow their truths and cling to other people’s approval. 

That’s what draws tyrants, manipulators, and even polite “friends” into your life, ready to shape your behavior and rewrite your script.

Yet, there’s something dangerously beautiful about waking up to your own authority—and it begins with a single, quiet decision: choosing to trust your own voice above all others.

Some will say this is reckless. Others will brand it selfish. Let them. Because every step you take away from that quiet inner voice opens the door to someone else’s agenda, someone else’s narrative.

I want to share why I believe this internal shift trumps any loud declaration, and why it can transform you into a human being who’s impossible to rule.

The illusions that keep you small

What stops most of us from trusting ourselves in the first place? If we’re honest, it’s fear.

We’re afraid of losing our social connections, our sense of belonging, or our illusions of safety. We think we need a tribe that will confirm our every move, so we tiptoe around, letting others set the boundaries and define our worth.

Meanwhile, the real culprit is that internal siren call: the need for validation.

I see this play out in countless ways. Maybe you choose a career to please your parents, or you date someone just because friends say, “They’re perfect for you.” It’s easy to get caught in that loop. 

Slavoj Žižek once said, “Words are never ‘only words’; they matter because they define the contours of what we can do.” When you let other people’s words become your script, you surrender your freedom without even realizing it.

Let’s not sugarcoat it: we all want acceptance. Social ties are part of being human. But there’s a line between cherishing authentic connection and selling off your identity for it. 

The illusions pile up fast. You start believing you’re too weak, too young, too old, too uneducated, or just too average to shape your own destiny. It’s nonsense, but it’s also comfortable nonsense—it keeps you in your cage, far from risk.

I grew up watching people contort themselves to fit others’ molds, fearing any stray step might cause them to be cast out of the group. I’ve spent time journeying across forests and deserts, witnessing how animals operate purely on instinct, while humans can sabotage themselves in the name of groupthink.

As Alan Watts put it, “Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.” If you let others define you, you’ll chase your tail trying to pin down who you really are.

The illusions that keep you small are powerful, but they’re also fragile. They shatter when you take that leap of faith in your own instincts. And that’s exactly what the next step is all about.

The big secret behind obedience

Our society loves obedience. We’re taught early on to follow the rules, raise our hands when we want to speak, and keep our heads down.

Schools, corporations, and even families often thrive on docile compliance. Some of us wear these constraints like a badge of honor, never realizing how much we’re kneeling to an invisible master.

Here’s the big, unsettling truth: the controllers of this world—whether they’re politicians, big tech companies, or advertising giants—only have power because we believe we need them.

They feed us narratives of scarcity: “You won’t survive without us,” they say, “You’re incomplete on your own.”

Once you buy into that fear, you’re primed for manipulation. You’ll pay whatever the cost for that sliver of security or acceptance.

Yuval Noah Harari once noted, “Humans think in stories rather than in facts, numbers, or equations, and the simpler the story, the better.”

That’s exactly how mass control operates: they spin a simple narrative—“You need us; you can’t trust yourself”—and we latch onto it like a life raft.

This begs a question: if the story is so simple, how do we break free?

We break free by rewriting it. By crafting a narrative where your own voice isn’t just a whisper but the guiding force. By refusing to accept the lie that you’re too small or too powerless to decide your own fate. 

Let me be clear: this doesn’t happen through some dramatic, overnight revolution. It starts with a quiet resolve that you will not betray your own intuition again—even if it means disappointing others.

It’s a disruption in your internal system of beliefs. The more you trust yourself, the more the external narratives become background noise. Suddenly, that ad telling you you’re worthless without product X doesn’t hit the same nerve. The subtle manipulations in your social circle lose their punch.

Because guess what? You’ve chosen to root your identity in something they can’t touch.

The quiet decision to trust your voice

So here it is—the heart of this entire conversation. We’re not talking about a thunderous revolt or a billboard campaign that proclaims, “I am free!”

It’s far simpler, and yet infinitely more profound: you decide to trust yourself, regardless of what the crowd says. You do it quietly, internally, without any fanfare.

Let’s get real. We live in a culture that blasts us with an endless feed of highlights, curated selfies, and step-by-step guides on how to be “happy.”

But until you make this private commitment, every self-help tip you try will just be another form of control. Someone else’s formula, someone else’s yardstick.

I’ve been guilty of it too—searching for the next guru who might have the magic words to confirm my worth. There’s a bizarre comfort in letting someone else lead.

Yet, we also carry that primal spark, that trait that refuses to settle. At The Vessel, we talk about forging your own path, not because it sounds romantic, but because we know it’s the only sustainable way to live authentically. That path requires you to anchor into your inner compass.

I often hear from people who tell me, “I feel like I’m suffocating under everyone’s expectations.” My simple reply is: “How often do you consult your own truth before letting them weigh in?” Usually, the answer is “Never.”

This is where Free Your Mind masterclass comes into play. I created it after years of observing how people unconsciously chain themselves to dogmas. The exercises help you dismantle limiting beliefs and reconnect with that spark you’ve always had. I’m not here to force it on anyone—it’s just a resource for those who realize they’re done trying to tame themselves for the crowd.

There’s no better feeling than finally hearing your own thoughts ring louder than all the outside noise. Suddenly, you aren’t so hungry for validation. You aren’t so quick to second-guess every choice. You become receptive to advice without being enslaved by it. That is the power of trusting your own voice; it’s a radical act of self-responsibility.

The ripple effect of your transformation

When you decide to anchor in self-trust, you’ll notice immediate ripples.

For one, people used to controlling you or leeching off your compliance might react with hostility or confusion.

It’s normal—they’ve grown comfortable with the old version of you, the one that checked in for permission before every move. 

Stand your ground. Don’t waste time trying to coddle them back into comfort. If they can’t adapt to the new you, they were never truly allies.

And let’s address the flip side: a few relationships might blossom like never before. True friends, lovers, and colleagues will sense your authenticity and respect it, or even be inspired by it. They’ll rise to meet the new energy you’re bringing to the table.

That’s the real gift of trusting yourself: you no longer feed illusions, so real connections have room to grow.

I also want to warn you about moments of doubt. Even after making this quiet decision, there will be days when old habits creep in. Don’t let that discourage you. Real transformation isn’t always linear—it stumbles. So if you find yourself slipping back into people-pleasing or self-censorship, see it as a chance to reaffirm your resolve.

Noam Chomsky once said, “Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.”

This ties perfectly into our conversation. If you don’t believe you can break free from control, you’ll never take that quiet step toward your own voice. Optimism, in this sense, isn’t naive—it’s an essential fuel for rebellion against your old limitations.

One last thing: genuine compassion emerges when you’re truly yourself. Because you stop playing zero-sum games for approval, you develop the capacity to see others for who they are, not for what they can give you.

It’s a paradox: the less you need people’s validation, the more openhearted you can be toward them. That kind of compassion is unstoppable.

Conclusion

Becoming someone who can’t be controlled isn’t about building walls. It’s about opening your ears to your own truth and refusing to let it be drowned out by the roar of others’ expectations.

That’s the quiet decision at the core of freedom: you choose to trust yourself over the endless stream of external noise.

Yes, it can be uncomfortable. Yes, it will challenge the foundations of your relationships, your job, even your worldview.

But the discomfort is a sign you’re shedding the shackles that once held you tight. Trusting yourself isn’t some final destination—it’s a living, breathing commitment that you revisit daily.

You have the power to wake up each morning and reaffirm: “My voice matters.” And with that, you slip through the grasp of anyone who would dare hold you down.

Embrace it. Feel the boldness and vulnerability that come from finally standing in your own light. Because once you do, there’s no going back. And that, my friend, is the sweetest kind of liberation.