8 signs your self-worth depends too much on other people’s approval

Have you ever caught yourself rethinking an outfit, an opinion, or even a life decision—just because of what someone else might think?

It’s subtle at first. You want to be liked. Respected. Seen in a certain light. That’s human.

But over time, needing approval can turn into something more suffocating.

Instead of making choices based on what feels right for you, you start outsourcing your worth—letting other people’s reactions determine how you feel about yourself.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us fall into this trap without realizing it.

Here are 8 signs that your self-worth might be riding a little too heavily on someone else’s approval.

1) You feel worthless without constant validation

I remember a time when I couldn’t stand a moment of silence after sharing my opinions. If the people around me didn’t respond with excitement, I took it personally—my stomach would churn, and my thoughts would race. 

Here’s the thing: genuine self-worth isn’t conditional on whether others applaud, grin, or post a flame emoji in response to what you say. 

If you’re only comfortable in your skin when someone is telling you how amazing you are, it might be time to question whether you’ve outsourced your entire identity.

Needing recognition is part of being human, but if it’s your main fuel, you’re running on shaky ground. After all, external feedback shifts and fluctuates like ocean tides. 

When you hitch your self-esteem to every thumbs-up, you’ll be tossed around, lost in storms of doubt the moment praise fades. It’s like anchoring your boat to a drifting log—it’s bound to leave you stranded.

2) You measure success by external praise

Some people define success by the number on their paycheck, others by how many Instagram followers they have. If you live and die by these metrics, your inner world will be a rollercoaster of elation and despair. 

It’s like building your home on a fault line—no matter how grand it looks, it’s only a matter of time before it collapses.

In the words of Slavoj Žižek – Philosopher, “Words are never ‘only words’; they matter because they define the contours of what we can do.” Notice how society’s ‘words’ about success shape your own possibilities. 

When you let others—be it your parents, boss, or random internet strangers—define what success looks like, you’re handing over the compass of your life. 

True achievement comes from aligning your goals with your values, not from hunting digital applause or chasing fancy titles your heart doesn’t resonate with.

3) You feel anxious when someone disagrees

Disagreement can be uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t feel like a life-threatening storm. If a different viewpoint sparks terror within, you’re probably tying your worth to widespread consensus. 

My own heart used to race anytime someone raised an eyebrow at me. It felt like my entire identity was under siege. That’s when I realized I was giving their opinions more power than my own.

The reality is, you can’t please everyone. Not everyone will vibe with your taste in art, your worldview, or how you like your eggs in the morning. 

Conflict, if handled well, can be a catalyst for self-discovery and growth. But if you’re in a constant state of anxiety over the mere suggestion that someone might disapprove, you’re handing them the keys to your emotional fortress. 

4) You feel crushed by criticism—even when it’s gentle

No one loves criticism, but if your self-worth depends on approval, even the smallest critique can feel like a personal attack.

You might spend hours obsessing over one comment, replaying it in your head, or twisting it into something much bigger than it was.

And instead of asking, “Is this helpful?” your first reaction might be, “What did I do wrong?” or “Do they think less of me now?”

This kind of reaction often stems from tying your value to being seen as perfect—or at least unproblematic. But the truth is, criticism isn’t a reflection of your worth. It’s just information. Learning to separate feedback from identity is key.

5) You change yourself to fit in

Ever notice how quickly you might alter your laugh, your political views, or even your clothes just to blend into certain circles? That’s not evolution; it’s camouflage. 

Your true self can’t breathe if it’s being suffocated by the desire to be accepted at any cost. You might rationalize it—“I’m just being adaptable”—but deep down, you sense the hollowness of living on borrowed identities.

In our modern environment, marketing gurus and social media influencers relentlessly feed us curated ideals of how to look, think, and behave. The system thrives when we feel perpetually inadequate, forever craving external stamps of approval. 

Before you adjust who you are once more to mirror someone else’s expectations, first ask yourself: Who exactly is left behind in that reflection?

Just one question, but it can be incredibly difficult to answer, especially if you’ve spent years abandoning the real you just to fit in. 

If you need extra help answering that question, consider exploring my Free Your Mind masterclass—it’s packed with insights for unearthing and challenging the limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in fear and anxiety around other people’s judgments.

The course walks you through practical tools for identifying where your self-worth got tangled up in external validation, and how to untangle it—step by step. You’ll learn how to set boundaries without guilt, reconnect with the parts of yourself you’ve muted over the years, and build confidence that doesn’t hinge on likes, praise, or approval.

It’s not about becoming someone new. It’s about coming back to who you’ve always been—before the pressure to perform took over.

6) You chase likes and followers obsessively

Let’s be honest: the digital era works hard to lure us into an endless quest for virtual applause. 

Scrolling through social feeds can be like standing in a massive amphitheater with thousands of spectators. One moment you’re the star, bathed in a wave of claps; the next, the lights are off and you’re left in silence. 

If your mood soars and plummets based on the stats of your latest post, you’re not alone—but it’s a sure sign of handing over your self-worth to a fickle crowd.

Here at The Vessel, I often witness people who’re so caught up in the frenzy of “social capital” that they lose touch with who they are when the screen goes dark. 

But what if you turned your gaze inward? If your sense of fulfillment is tethered to a number on a screen, you might be prioritizing illusions over genuine human connection. 

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying social media. The issue arises when fleeting digital signals define the direction of your self-esteem.

7) You hide your true opinions to avoid conflict

Have you nodded along politely in a conversation about something you fundamentally disagree with, just to sidestep confrontation? If that’s a habit, it means you’re essentially muzzling your soul. 

Holding back your opinions might keep the peace temporarily, but it wages an invisible war inside you. Over time, it erodes the foundation of your self-esteem because you’re sending your psyche one damaging message: “My voice doesn’t count.”

And when you constantly defer to others just to be accepted, it becomes harder to remember what you actually think or believe.

8) You can’t make decisions without approval

Do you find yourself asking five different people for advice before making even a small decision—just to be sure you’re not making a mistake?

And even after you’ve made a choice—what to wear, what to say, what to do—you replay it over and over in your mind, wondering how others will interpret it.

You might ask for several opinions before taking action, not because you want feedback, but because you’re afraid of getting it wrong in someone else’s eyes.

Occasionally leaning on trusted people for guidance is normal, but if you can’t make any decision without somebody’s blessing, it’s a sign that your confidence is running on fumes.

This kind of self-doubt can be paralyzing. It keeps you stuck in indecision, always looking outward instead of trusting your own inner compass.

Self-trust is the backbone of a healthy identity. If every fork in the road requires a committee vote, you end up living someone else’s life rather than your own. And guess what? It’s exhausting—for them and for you. 

Being comfortable with your own choices, even when they involve risk, means you value your perspective enough to honor it. It’s the cornerstone of genuine independence, a necessary condition if you want to break free from people-pleasing’s relentless grip.

Conclusion

It’s no secret that the modern world bombards us with a thousand ways to prove ourselves—social platforms, job performance metrics, family expectations, and more.

And let’s face it: we all want to be seen, heard, and appreciated. There’s nothing wrong with that until it becomes a stranglehold, leading us to forget our own worth when the applause disappears.

If your self-worth is chained to the mercurial opinions of others, it’s time to question whether this is another piece of misinformation you’ve internalized—an outdated script telling you that validation must come from the outside. 

It doesn’t. The real truth is that authenticity and self-respect begin within. By acknowledging these signs and actively addressing them, you reclaim the stage of your own life, no longer a performer dancing for cheers, but a creator shaping your destiny on your terms.

No matter how many times you’ve let external voices drown out your own, it’s never too late to turn the volume of your spirit back up. Pick one of the signs listed and commit to shifting that pattern right now. 

Yes, it’s going to feel uncomfortable, and it will probably get messy. But everything worthwhile in life involves risk, so why not bet on the one person who will always be with you—yourself?