I’ve often found myself thinking about the differences between people who appear “obedient” and those who are truly free.
We’re raised to be good citizens, good children, good employees—model participants in a system that insists we follow the rules.
But the real question is: do we follow them because they align with our personal truth, or do we simply fear stepping out of line?
In my work here at The Vessel, I invite people to question how their choices and beliefs form.
Are you genuinely shaping your destiny, or are you simply performing for an audience you can’t even see?
In many cases, I believe folks mistake a tame, “well-behaved” existence for actual freedom, overlooking that their so-called choices might be confined by social and mental traps they barely notice.
So let’s dig into seven indicators that might reveal you’re not as free as you think.
1. You never question your own beliefs
When was the last time you challenged something you held dear?
I’m not talking about trivial preferences like which restaurant you pick for dinner. I’m talking about the core beliefs that guide your daily life—your sense of success, morality, self-worth, or love.
If your worldview is never poked or prodded, chances are it was handed down to you like a family heirloom you’ve never inspected.
We live in an era of endless information, yet we’re ironically starved of real questioning.
Slavoj Žižek once said, “The task of philosophy is not to provide answers, but to show how the way we perceive a problem can be part of the problem itself.”
Without self-inquiry, you remain stuck inside inherited assumptions. You end up living on autopilot, following protocols that you don’t even remember signing up for.
The real tragedy is that you think everything you do is a “personal decision,” when in reality, you’ve never asked yourself if these decisions align with who you are beyond the scripts you inherited.
2. Your sense of self depends on external approval
Do you hold your breath until someone validates your actions?
Maybe you keep scanning social media for likes or constantly measuring your worth against external benchmarks—family expectations, peer pressure, or random social norms.
This is a strong sign that you’re letting other people’s perceptions direct your life.
Rather than forging a path that resonates with your authentic self, you might be tiptoeing around the fear of rejection or judgment.
It’s easy to blend in and be “good,” right? You gain acceptance and avoid conflict.
But that acceptance is shallow if you’re not operating from a place of inner conviction.
You end up wearing a mask—one that’s comfortable in public but suffocating in private.
If your identity is anchored to opinions you can’t control, how free are you really?
3. You mistake comfort for fulfillment
We’re conditioned to seek comfort: comfortable relationships, comfortable jobs, comfortable lifestyles.
And there’s nothing inherently wrong with being comfortable—until it dulls your awareness of what your soul truly needs.
Real freedom often requires stepping outside your comfort zone, even confronting pain or uncertainty.
Here’s the thing: when people proclaim “I’m happy where I am,” I always wonder whether that happiness is genuine or a byproduct of not wanting to stir the pot.
Are you staying in an unfulfilling job because it pays the bills, or in a stagnant relationship because it’s less terrifying than being alone?
If you’re conflating security with freedom, you might find yourself locked in a golden cage. The bars may feel plush, but they’re bars all the same.
4. You default to authority without introspection
From government policies to corporate directives, we’re surrounded by authorities that claim to know what’s “best.”
Growing up, we’re taught to heed rules from parents and teachers, then from bosses, institutions, and figureheads who promise us a sense of order.
Obedience can be a virtue, of course—but blind obedience is a different beast.
Have you ever disagreed with a rule, but followed it anyway out of habit or fear? Maybe you rationalize it: “It’s not my place to resist,” or “I should just trust the experts.”
If you reflexively defer to authority without questioning its logic or fairness, you’re effectively relinquishing the agency to think for yourself.
This doesn’t mean that all authority is nefarious, but freedom only thrives when you engage your critical mind.
Otherwise, you’re handing someone else the keys to your life and hoping they drive you somewhere that suits you.
5. You adhere to scripted dreams
Society is an expert playwright. It scripts out these “perfect lives” and gives us lines like: graduate college, get a steady job, climb the corporate ladder, buy a house, get married, have children, retire, and so on.
How many of us follow this script without even pausing to question whether these milestones align with our deeper yearnings?
Alan Watts famously warned against this trap when he wrote, “The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious, and yet everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
If your ambitions come from a checklist society wrote for you, then you’re performing someone else’s vision.
Perhaps you don’t even realize that your “dreams” are really just mass-produced illusions. You might achieve them all and still feel that emptiness echoing inside.
6. You repress your darker emotions
We’re taught from childhood to show our “nice” faces and hide whatever might upset or unsettle the peace—anger, frustration, sadness, lust, fear, you name it.
This training is hammered into us so effectively that, by adulthood, many of us have no clue how to express or even acknowledge our darker feelings.
Instead, we bury them deep and behave “properly,” no matter what kind of emotional turbulence roils within.
But those repressed emotions have a way of festering under the surface, shaping our worldview in unconscious ways.
You might be conforming on the outside while seething with resentment inside. Or nodding politely when you know something is terribly wrong. That’s not freedom.
True liberation means integrating every dimension of your humanity, including the parts you’ve been told to tame or hide.
The real path to wholeness often involves facing these uncomfortable aspects of yourself—allowing them to exist without shame—so that you can act from truth rather than the need to keep up a “respectable” façade.
7. You keep your desires small to avoid risk
Playing it safe is the hallmark of someone who’s more “domesticated” than free.
You might have big dreams—travel the world, launch your own business, dedicate yourself to creative pursuits—but the risk is scary.
So you shrink your ambitions to something manageable and unthreatening. Better to aim low and succeed, right?
In doing so, you become your own warden, locking yourself into a prison of lowered expectations.
People who are truly free often fail or stumble, but they risk it because their dreams matter more to them than the safety of the status quo.
If you’ve grown used to setting your goals just small enough to avoid possible embarrassment or financial hardship, you’re limiting your potential based on fear rather than free will.
And yes, fear is normal. It’s not about banishing fear altogether. It’s about letting it guide you toward growth instead of stagnation.
If you prefer to keep life so neat and tidy that no adventure or real uncertainty is possible, you’re wearing the shackles of safety. They may be soft, but they bind all the same.
Final words
I don’t write these words to attack or belittle anyone. I write them because we live in a world that rewards compliant, well-behaved citizens while whispering promises of “freedom.”
Our entire system thrives on that contradiction: People who think they’re free but never dare to test the boundaries, never dare to question the matrix of rules, never dare to break from the crowd.
Real freedom looks nothing like that. It’s messy, uncertain, and often terrifying because it demands you see yourself beyond inherited stories.
If any of these seven signs spoke to something in your heart—if you caught yourself cringing at the thought of stepping off the beaten path—then you may be closer to your genuine freedom than you realize.
Because awareness is the first step toward unshackling yourself.
Here at The Vessel, we encourage people to face these deeper questions and reclaim their sovereignty. There’s a lot of beauty and power in choosing authenticity over comfort.
And if you feel ready to loosen the grip of social conditioning, the exercises in our Free Your Mind masterclass might give you the tools to excavate those hidden layers of “good behavior” you’ve adopted.
The greatest act of rebellion is simply to live out your truth. Sometimes that means resisting the urge to be “perfect” or “respectable” in the eyes of others.
Ultimately, the path toward freedom starts the moment you decide that your own self-discovery is worth more than following the script. And that’s a journey no one else can walk for you.
