10 relationship deal breakers only smart people look out for, according to psychology

Smart people don’t just look for good traits in their partners. They’re also adept at spotting deal breakers—those little (or big) things that signal trouble ahead.

So what are these deal breakers that only smart people look out for, according to psychology?

Below is your cheat sheet for detecting and dodging those potential relationship pitfalls.

Let’s delve into it, shall we?

1) Constant criticism

Every relationship has its ups and downs, and no one is perfect. Smart people know this.

But there’s often a fine line between constructive feedback and constant criticism.

If you find your partner frequently pointing out your flaws, belittling your accomplishments, or comparing you negatively to others, it’s a definite red flag.

Psychologists say this kind of behavior can be a sign of a bigger issue—perhaps an insecurity or a need for control.

Smart people know that everyone deserves respect and appreciation in their relationships.

So how do you spot this deal breaker?

Look out for patterns. Is your partner only critical at times of stress, or is it a regular occurrence?

Constructive criticism is meant to help you grow.

But if the critiques are frequent, harsh, or leave you feeling small, it’s not love at all.

2) Lack of emotional intelligence

Have you ever had a disagreement with your partner and they simply dismissed your feelings or failed to understand why you’re upset?

That’s a red flag.

Emotional intelligence is crucial because it impacts communication, conflict resolution, and even intimacy.

Without it, you might find yourself in a relationship that feels more like a battlefield than a partnership.

And what’s more, emotional intelligence isn’t something that can easily be learned or improved upon.

It’s developed over time and often solidified by adulthood.

If your partner lacks emotional intelligence, it won’t just lead to misunderstandings; it can create deep emotional distress.

Keep an eye out for this one. It’s a deal breaker that only the smart ones see coming.

3) Unwillingness to compromise

Any successful relationship requires a fair amount of give-and-take.

Smart people understand that compromise isn’t just making concessions but finding solutions that satisfy both parties.

If your partner is constantly insisting on their way or the highway, it’s a clear sign of trouble.

Stubbornness can be charming in small doses, but inflexibility in a relationship can lead to resentment, conflict, and even breakups.

Look out if your partner has a hard time bending.

Their inability to compromise could be the iceberg that sinks your relationship.

4) Over-dependence on you

It’s easy to get swept up in the idea of being someone’s everything.

However, smart people recognize that a partner who relies on you for their happiness, self-esteem, or decision-making isn’t romantic—it’s a red flag.

And here’s the twist – it’s not just about their dependence on you; it’s also about their independence from you.

Does your partner have their own interests, friends, and life outside of your relationship?

If not, it might be time to reassess.

A partner who can’t make decisions without your input or who measures their self-worth based on your approval can put an unhealthy amount of pressure on you.

Because a healthy relationship comprises two whole individuals.

Over-dependence isn’t just suffocating; it’s a potential deal breaker.

5) They’re hiding their true self

We all have flaws and insecurities, and it’s natural to try to hide them, especially in the early stages of a relationship.

But a partner who consistently hides their true self, their feelings or their past?

That’s a red flag.

Smart people understand that honesty and vulnerability are the cornerstones of deep connection.

A partner who can’t or won’t open up, who wears a mask, or who keeps you at arm’s length is likely harboring deeper issues.

It’s not that you need to air dirty laundry on a first date.

In a relationship, you need to gradually let someone in, trust them with your thoughts, your feelings, and your fears.

A partner who is always putting on a show, keeping their guard up, or evading personal questions, could spell trouble for your relationship’s future.

6) They dismiss your feelings

In a relationship, your feelings matter. They’re as important as your partner’s.

Smart people understand that and look out for partners who do too.

If you’re feeling hurt, happy, anxious, or angry, a good partner will listen, empathize, and validate your feelings.

They won’t dismiss them or tell you to “get over it” or that you’re “overreacting”.

That said, everyone has off days. But if your partner is consistently dismissive of your feelings, it’s a red flag.

Because empathy is the core of a loving relationship. With it, you understand each other’s feelings, even when you don’t agree.

7) They don’t respect your boundaries

We’ve all had moments where our boundaries have been tested or crossed.

And you know what? It never feels good.

Whether it’s about needing alone time, keeping certain topics off-limits, or deciding when to take the next step in a relationship, smart people know the importance of setting and respecting boundaries.

If your partner constantly pushes your boundaries or disregards them altogether, it’s a major deal breaker.

If they don’t respect your boundaries now, there’s a good chance they never will.

And that’s something no one should put up with.

8) They don’t share your love for furry friends

Smart people know that the little things can say a lot about a person, and how someone treats animals is no exception.

Whether you’re a dog lover, a cat person, or you have a soft spot for the parakeet you’ve had since you were twelve, if your partner can’t share or at least respect your love for animals, it’s worth taking note.

It’s not just the pets themselves, but what they represent – compassion, patience, and the ability to care for another living being.

If they’re constantly annoyed by your furry companions or dismissive of their needs, it could be indicative of how they might handle other caregiving roles in the future.

Because if they can’t appreciate the joy that your four-legged (or winged) friends bring to your life, they might not be the right ones for you.

And hey, more cuddle time for you and your pet!

9) They don’t support your dreams

Smart people understand that having a partner who supports and encourages these dreams is essential.

A partner who belittles your dreams, doesn’t take them seriously, or discourages you from pursuing them, is a walking red flag.

Your dreams matter, and someone who loves you should be your biggest supporter.

So don’t settle for someone who doesn’t believe in you.

You deserve a partner who sees the stars in your eyes and supports you in reaching for them.

10) They don’t treat you with respect

At the end of the day, it all boils down to this: respect. 

Whether it’s about respecting your time, your feelings, your decisions, or your body, a partner who truly loves you will treat you with kindness and respect.

Feeling belittled, disregarded, or violated in any way in a relationship, is not just a red flag — it’s a blaring siren.

You are worthy of respect. Always. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

Final thoughts on relationship deal breakers

If you’ve recognized some of these deal breakers in your own relationship, it might feel a bit overwhelming.

But remember, recognizing these signs is the first step towards cultivating healthier relationships.

Maintaining a relationship with someone who constantly dismisses your feelings, refuses to compromise, or disregards your boundaries can be emotionally draining.

The golden rule of any relationship is mutual respect and understanding.

If you’re not receiving that, it’s important to re-evaluate your situation. You cannot change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions.

Take some time to reflect: Are these deal breakers present in your relationship? Are you thriving or merely surviving?

Remember, having one or two of these signs doesn’t necessarily spell doom for your relationship.

But if they’re a consistent pattern, it might be time to consider whether this relationship is the right one for you.

In the end, you deserve a partner who respects you, supports your dreams, and treats you with kindness.

Don’t settle for anything less.