Last week at my dance class, I watched a twenty-something struggle through the warm-up while constantly checking her fitness tracker, adjusting her perfect workout outfit, and apologizing for not being “good enough.”
Meanwhile, I was there in my decade-old leggings, just happy my knees were cooperating that day.
That moment crystallized something I’ve been noticing everywhere lately. There’s a fundamental difference in what my generation refuses to pretend about versus what younger folks seem to constantly perform. After teaching high school for thirty years and watching cultural shifts unfold, I’ve spotted some patterns that go deeper than just “kids these days” grumbling.
We Boomers might catch flak for plenty of things, but there’s something refreshing about reaching an age where you stop playing certain games. Not because we’re cranky or set in our ways, but because life has taught us which battles are worth fighting and which masks aren’t worth wearing.
1. We don’t fake being happy all the time
Remember when having a bad day was just having a bad day? You didn’t need to spin it into a “growth opportunity” or document your journey through it on social media.
When I’m grumpy, I’m grumpy. When something stinks, I say it stinks. There’s no Instagram filter for reality.
Younger generations seem trapped in this exhausting cycle of toxic positivity. Everything has to be “amazing” or “life-changing.” Every setback becomes content for a resilience story. But sometimes Tuesday is just boring. Sometimes your job is just a job. And that’s perfectly fine.
My parents, who lived through the Depression and World War II, taught me that not everything needs a silver lining. Some days you just get through. Some experiences are simply unpleasant. Acknowledging that doesn’t make you negative; it makes you honest.
2. We’re done pretending to know everything
“I don’t know” has become one of my favorite phrases. Can’t figure out how to split the check with Venmo? I’ll ask. Don’t understand what my grandkid means by “it’s giving”? I’ll admit it.
Watch younger folks in meetings or social situations. The pressure they feel to appear knowledgeable about everything is palpable. They’ll nod along to conversations about cryptocurrency or pretend they’ve heard of that new app everyone’s using. The fear of looking uninformed seems to paralyze them.
But here’s what three decades of teaching taught me: admitting ignorance is the first step to learning. Students respected me more when I said “Great question, let’s figure that out together” than when I tried to bluff my way through.
3. We refuse to fake our energy levels
At 9 PM, I’m done. Not “let me push through this” done, but actually done. Younger people seem to treat exhaustion like a character flaw, something to overcome with another coffee or energy drink.
They’ll drag themselves to that networking event, that late dinner, that “can’t miss” gathering, all while running on fumes. The performance of endless energy, of being always “on,” seems mandatory for them.
We’ve learned that rest isn’t lazy. Going to bed at a reasonable hour isn’t boring. Saying no to evening plans isn’t antisocial. It’s just practical. Your body keeps the score, and after six decades, I’ve learned to read the tally.
4. We don’t pretend money doesn’t matter
Younger folks dance around money conversations like they’re discussing something shameful. They’ll say they took a job for the “culture” or the “experience” when really, they needed the paycheck. They’ll pretend that discussing salary is vulgar while secretly obsessing over it.
We talk about money. We compare Medicare plans. We discuss retirement savings without whispering. Money isn’t everything, but pretending it’s nothing is ridiculous.
Growing up with parents who knew real scarcity taught us that financial security matters. There’s no shame in wanting stability, in choosing the job with better benefits, in admitting that yes, you check your 401k balance regularly.
5. We’ve stopped faking interest in things we don’t care about
The newest Netflix series everyone’s obsessing over? Haven’t seen it, probably won’t. That influencer drama? Couldn’t care less. The latest productivity hack? I’ll stick with my paper calendar, thanks.
Younger generations seem terrified of being out of the loop. They’ll binge shows they don’t enjoy just to participate in water cooler conversations. They’ll follow trends that bore them just to seem relevant.
After decades of nodding politely through conversations about things I couldn’t care less about, I’ve embraced the freedom of genuine disinterest. “That’s nice, but it’s not really my thing” is a complete sentence.
6. We don’t pretend relationships are perfect
Scroll through social media and you’d think every marriage is a fairy tale, every friendship is unbreakable, every family gathering is pure joy. Young people curate their relationships like museum exhibits, showing only the highlight reel.
We know better. Marriage is work. Friendships ebb and flow. Families can be complicated. We talk about the counseling sessions, the arguments, the reconciliations. We admit when we’re struggling with our adult children or when we haven’t talked to that old friend in months.
There’s something liberating about dropping the performance. When someone asks how things are going with family, we might actually tell them the truth instead of reflexively saying “great!”
7. We refuse to fake having it all figured out
Perhaps the biggest performance younger generations maintain is the illusion of having life figured out. They project confidence about their path, their purpose, their five-year plan, even when they’re secretly terrified.
At this age, we know nobody has it all figured out. Not at 25, not at 45, and definitely not at 65. We’re still questioning, still learning, still occasionally screwing up. The difference is we’re not pretending otherwise.
When I retired, people expected me to have this grand vision for my next chapter. Instead, I admitted I was making it up as I went along. Some days volunteering fills me with purpose; other days I wonder what I’m doing. That’s not failure; that’s human.
The freedom in dropping the act
There’s an exhausting amount of performance required in modern life, and younger generations seem to bear the brunt of it. Every moment needs to be optimized, documented, and presented for approval. Every feeling needs to be processed, analyzed, and transformed into growth.
We’ve aged into the privilege of authenticity. Not the manufactured “authentic self” that gets hashtagged on social media, but the actual, unfiltered, sometimes boring reality of being human.
Does this make us stubborn? Maybe. Out of touch? Sometimes. But it also makes us free in a way that constant performance never allows. We’ve learned that most of what we spent decades worrying about didn’t matter much in the end.
So while younger folks exhaust themselves maintaining their various facades, we’re over here in our comfortable shoes, admitting we’re tired, acknowledging our limitations, and finding that honesty infinitely more satisfying than any perfectly curated pretense.
What about you? What have you stopped pretending about as you’ve gotten older?
Just launched: The Vessel’s Youtube Channel
Explore our first video: The Brain Beneath Our Feet — a short-film by shaman Rudá Iandê that challenges where we believe intelligence comes from.
Instead of looking to the stars or machines, Rudá invites us to consider that the first great mind on Earth may have existed without a brain at all… and that the oldest form of thought might be living beneath our feet.
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