11 phrases narcissists casually use to make you feel bad about yourself

Ever found yourself in a conversation where you end up feeling small, inadequate, or even guilty, without quite understanding why? Chances are, you’ve encountered the subtle yet insidious tactics of a narcissist.

These individuals possess a knack for weaving words that subtly chip away at your confidence and self-worth.

From backhanded compliments to outright manipulation, they deploy a range of phrases with precision to undermine your sense of self.

Recognizing these verbal red flags is crucial for protecting your mental well-being and disentangling yourself from toxic relationships.

In this guide, we unveil eleven phrases narcissists frequently employ to diminish and control others.

1) “You’re too sensitive”

This phrase is a classic manipulation tactic used to dismiss your feelings and avoid taking responsibility for their behavior.

It’s a way for them to deflect blame and make you feel like you’re the one at fault for being hurt by their actions.

Trust your instincts and don’t let anyone invalidate your emotions.

In response to this statement, you might say: “I appreciate your perspective, but I value my sensitivity as part of who I am.” or “Being sensitive doesn’t mean I’m wrong or overreacting.”

2) “I’m just being honest”

This is another common phrase you’ll hear from a narcissist.

They use it as a shield to hide behind when they’re being hurtful or mean.

It’s their way of justifying their harsh words and making you feel like you can’t handle the truth.

But there’s a big difference between being honest and being unnecessarily cruel.

Truth should never be used as an excuse to belittle or hurt someone else.

So how do you respond to this heartfelt excuse? My favorite response is “I appreciate honesty, but it’s important to consider how words can affect others.” Alternatively, “There’s a difference between honesty and tactlessness. Let’s strive for the former.”

3) “You just don’t get it”

This one hits close to home.

I remember a time when I was having a discussion with a friend who had a knack for making everything about them.

I was trying to express my feelings about a situation that had upset me.

Instead of listening, they quickly dismissed my feelings with a wave of their hand and a quick, “You just don’t get it.”

This phrase is a favorite amongst narcissists as it’s designed to make you feel inadequate or unintelligent.

It’s a way of dismissing your thoughts, opinions, or feelings because they don’t align with the narcissist’s perspective.

But here’s what I learned: It’s not that you don’t get it. It’s that they don’t want to consider your viewpoint.

So next time you’re met with this phrase, remember it’s not about your understanding—it’s about their lack of empathy.

You could respond by saying something like, “I understand that you might feel that way, but I’d appreciate it if you could help me understand better. Can you explain it from your perspective?”

This response shows that you’re open to listening and understanding their point of view, while also gently encouraging them to communicate more clearly.

4) “No one else has a problem with this”

Narcissists love to play the comparison game.

They will often use phrases like this to make you feel like you’re the only one who disagrees or has an issue with something.

But here’s an interesting fact: According to psychologists, this is a common manipulation tactic called ‘gaslighting.’

It’s when someone makes you question your own thoughts, memories, or events happening around you.

The purpose of this phrase is to make you feel isolated and wrong, even when your concerns are valid.

You could respond with something like, “I hear you, but I’m bringing this up because it’s important to me. Let’s work together to find a solution that works for all of us.”  

Remember, just because others don’t voice their issues doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

Trust your instincts and don’t let anyone belittle your concerns.

5) “You always make things about yourself”

Isn’t it heartbreaking when you hear this?

Especially when all you’re trying to do is express your feelings or share your experiences.

Narcissists often use this phrase to turn the tables and make you feel selfish for wanting to discuss your own thoughts and emotions.

The truth is, there’s a big difference between being self-centered and seeking understanding or empathy.

Everyone deserves to be heard and understood. 

When confronted with this statement, it’s essential to acknowledge the concern expressed while gently asserting your perspective.

For instance, you might say, “I understand that’s how it may seem sometimes, but I believe I’m just trying to share my experiences to relate to the situation.” 

6) “If only you were more like…”

I remember once, in the early stages of a relationship, my partner said to me, “If only you were more like my ex, she was always so organized.”

Ouch. That stung.

Narcissists often use comparisons to belittle you and make you feel like you’re not good enough.

They bring up others – friends, ex-partners, or even fictional characters – to highlight your supposed shortcomings.

But here’s what I learned from that experience: Everyone is unique in their own way and it’s not fair or healthy to compare people. 

When hit with this line, fire back with, “Thanks for the input, but I’m good just being me. Let’s collaborate on our strengths instead of sizing each other up.”

7) “You can’t take a joke”

This one’s a gut punch, isn’t it?

Narcissists often hide their insults and put-downs behind the guise of humor.

They’ll say something hurtful, and when they see that you’re upset, they brush it off with “I was just joking.”

But let’s be real here. There’s a stark difference between a harmless joke and a disguised insult. You know when something doesn’t feel right.

When someone tells you “You can’t take a joke,” try to respond assertively but diplomatically.

You could say, “I appreciate humor, but it’s important to me that jokes don’t cross certain boundaries or make me uncomfortable. Can we find a middle ground where we can both enjoy humor without anyone feeling hurt?” 

8) “You’re overthinking it”

This is a classic one.

Narcissists use this phrase to dismiss your thoughts or concerns.

They make you feel like you’re making a big deal out of nothing, leading to self-doubt and confusion.

When faced with this comment, it’s important to not let it shake your confidence.

Instead, reply with, “I prefer to analyze things thoroughly. It’s called being thorough, not overthinking.”

Stand your ground and assert your right to consider all aspects of the situation without being brushed aside.

9) “You’re not remembering it correctly”

I can vividly recall a moment when these exact words were thrown at me.

I was having a disagreement with an old friend over an incident that had happened a few months prior.

I was certain of my recollection, but they insisted I was misremembering it.

This is another classic tactic narcissists use, known as gaslighting.

They twist the truth and rewrite past events to fit their narrative, causing you to doubt your own memory.

But here’s the thing: it wasn’t my memory that was faulty. It was their manipulation at play.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember to trust your recollection and don’t let someone else’s manipulation cloud your judgment.

10) “I never said that”

This one is a real kicker, isn’t it?

You remember the conversation. You remember the words. But they flat out deny ever saying it.

This is another form of gaslighting, where narcissists deny their own words to make you doubt your memory.

But let’s cut to the chase – you’re not going crazy. You heard what you heard.

They’re just trying to escape accountability for their words.

In response to this statement, you can say: “I understand there might be a misunderstanding, but I distinctly remember you saying it. Let’s try to clarify things.”

Another suitable response is: “Even though you might not remember, I’m certain you mentioned it. Let’s figure out where the confusion lies.”

Replying in this manner helps maintain a respectful tone and invite further discussion to resolve any confusion or disagreement.

11) “You’re making a big deal out of nothing”

Finally, we have this gem.

It’s yet another way narcissists belittle your feelings and concerns. They make you feel like you’re overreacting or being melodramatic.

But let’s set the record straight – your feelings are valid. You should never be afraid to communicate your perspective assertively.

To invite the other person to acknowledge your feelings and work towards a resolution, say something like: “It might seem small to you, but it’s meaningful to me. Can we figure out a solution that works for both of us?”

Set boundaries with words

In conclusion, recognizing these phrases empowers you to reclaim your sense of self-worth and set healthy boundaries.

By refusing to internalize these manipulative tactics, you safeguard your emotional well-being and assert your right to respect.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with kindness, empathy, and understanding.

Surround yourself with supportive individuals who uplift and validate you. Trust your instincts and prioritize your mental health above all else.

With awareness and self-care, you can navigate relationships confidently and cultivate a life filled with authenticity and positivity.