There’s a certain breed of human that likes to use manipulative words or phrases in a bid to get what they want by bullying or gaslighting people to create a power imbalance within the relationship.
In their favor, of course.
According to WebMD, manipulation is a toxic psychological tactic some people utilize in the hope of controlling someone else’s thoughts or feelings.
Now, pretty much all of us are guilty of manipulative behavior from time to time, but those who do it consistently and intentionally are not to be trusted.
These are the people who have no problem manipulating others to feed their egos or gain control over the situation.
Manipulation is seen mostly in close relationships. Proximity is key, so according to psychology, a manipulator’s victim is commonly a partner, friend, parent, or child.
After a few rounds with a master manipulator, You’ll probably feel belittled, thrown off balance, and/or worthless. It can be so confusing that the target may even question their own sanity.
It’s tough not to take those words to heart. But the thing is, it’s not about how small and insignificant you are. It’s about how small and insignificant they think they are.
It can be challenging for even the smartest cookie to recognize manipulation tactics, especially if the perpetrator is skilled and subtle or you’re not aware of the most common manipulative tactics.
After reading this article, you’ll be well-versed on the art of manipulation and how to avoid getting caught in a manipulator’s web.
1) “You’re hearing things”
The insinuation here is that your recollections are faulty or even dishonest and you’re attempting to misconstrue their meaning.
Manipulators who use this phrase are trying to gaslight you. They are 100% aware of what they said, they’re just trying to avoid taking responsibility for their words or actions.
Manipulators want you to constantly second-guess your cognitive abilities. Insisting that you’re “hearing things” infers that you’re delusional, which is exactly what the manipulator intended.
Don’t back down! You know exactly what you heard and don’t be swayed by a manipulative person’s mental gymnastics.
Refuse to participate in a discussion with anyone who denies accountability and belittles you at the same time.
2) “You have no reason to feel that way”
Yeah? Says who?
In this scenario, the manipulator is attempting to police your emotional responses. It’s incredibly dismissive of your feelings, which manipulators are masters at.
Your instinctual response would probably be “Who the @!$&! do you think you are?” if you believe in the direct approach, like I do.
Don’t ever allow another person to dictate what you’re allowed to feel and how you express it.
Let the manipulator know that you’re perfectly capable of regulating your own emotions, thank you very much.
If they still protest that your feelings are invalid, then disengage from the conversation and remove yourself.
According to experts, setting firm boundaries is key when dealing with a manipulative person. It draws a line in the sand for the manipulator and standing up for yourself boosts your self-confidence.
Sounds like a win/win to me!
3) “You’re way too touchy”
Uh huh.
When someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, they’re suggesting that other people don’t take offense with their behavior.
Therefore, in their eyes at least, it means that something is “wrong” with you, certainly not them.
And, hey. Maybe you really are more sensitive than others, but that’s not a bad thing. It’s way better than being a shady manipulator, that’s for sure.
4) “I was only kidding”
We’ve all encountered a human being who will spew a string of hurtful comments deftly followed by the phrase, “I was just kidding. Can’t you take a joke?”
Sure you were, buddy.
Manipulative people love to use this method so they don’t have to take responsibility for their words or behavior.
After all, it’s not their fault you’re so damn sensitive.
Remember, insults masquerading as “harmless” jokes are usually a form of gaslighting. Don’t allow a manipulator to dismiss your feelings or make you feel guilty for being hurt by their behavior.
5) “You owe me one”
Manipulative people never do anything without expecting a return on their investment.
If they do you a favor, even a small one, they’ll milk it forever to pressure you into doing stuff for them.
According to psychological research, this often results in a toxic power struggle where you always feel indebted to the manipulative person and cave into their demands.
Healthy, reciprocal relationships are based on mutual respect, not coercion or deception.
Remember to set clear boundaries! And don’t be afraid to say “no.” You have every right to protect your emotional well-being.
6) “If you really loved me you’d (fill in the blank)”
Oh, barf.
This is so high school, but grown adults resort to this little piece of patheticness with alarming frequency.
Unless someone is saying this to you between Algebra and History class, it’s incredibly stunted behavior.
Because if you don’t meekly concede to their demands, that means you don’t really love them.
Got it.
The manipulator hopes that by tweaking your conscience you’ll feel bad for not helping them, even if their request is shady or even dangerous.
This is a tried-and-true method manipulative people use to test your love for them.
Empaths and people-pleasers are particularly susceptible to this manipulative tactic. Feel free to point out that testing your loyalty with ultimatums could spell the end of your relationship.
7) “You’re too dramatic”
This is just another way a manipulator deflects the focus away from their questionable behavior and projects it on you.
You’ll probably hear this when you hold them accountable for their misdeeds. They’ll try to turn it around and accuse you of being toxic or trying to start an argument.
Funnily enough, these self-proclaimed drama haters are usually instigators who love conflict.
Imagine that.
Let the manipulative person know it’s unfair to suggest that you want to cause trouble.
Tell them that you won’t tolerate any sort of verbal abuse or be corralled into an exchange you want no part of.
If they persist, walk away. Because you really don’t like drama.
8) “Don’t be so paranoid”
This is a manipulator blatantly questioning your ability to reason and falls under the umbrella of gaslighting.
According to Psychology Today, gaslighting makes one question the reality of the emotional abuse they’re enduring and second guess their concerns.
If someone accuses you of being paranoid when you voice objections about their behavior, that’s a major red flag that you’re dealing with a manipulative person.
If your partner does something to deliberately hurt you and you confront them about it after the fact, don’t be surprised if their comeback is “I never did that!” or “You’re crazy!”
Classic manipulative behavior. Don’t fall for it.
9) “I’m just trying to help you”
Guilt. The gift that keeps on giving.
The manipulator uses this phrase to help them–not you.
The intent of this supposedly altruistic statement is to pressure someone into accepting help they don’t want, as the manipulator pats themselves on the back for being such a blessing to those around them.
Boundaries, folks!
Final thoughts
We all have our manipulative moments but constant feedback that questions your cognitive abilities or mental health can damage you psychologically over time.
You must safeguard your mental health by standing up for yourself against those who try to manipulate you.
Experts advise that you can do this by setting firm boundaries or removing yourself from toxic people and situations.
Life’s too short to be a manipulator’s puppet.
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