8 phrases confident people use to assert boundaries (without being rude)

If you want to set a tone for healthy and respectful relationships, you need to communicate your needs clearly and firmly.

At the same time, you shouldn’t be rude or come off as such. 

If that sounds somewhat difficult, know that one group of people achieves this quite easily. It’s confident people. 

They know how to assert boundaries without being rude, and for that, they use certain phrases.

So, let’s see what these phrases are and what we can learn from them. 

1) “Your energy is contagious, but I need to dial it back for a bit”

Okay, let’s start with a phrase that helps confident people stay focused on their own things without coming off as rude.

To do that, they start the sentence by acknowledging the other person’s eagerness to do something but then continue by briefly explaining the need for tending to their own needs.

This means that if I tell you this, I value your energy and interest, but I have certain things I need to concentrate on at the moment. 

It’s not that I don’t want to engage with you, but I need some time to direct my attention to my tasks and obligations. 

Still, I wouldn’t use this too often, as you’ll eventually kill their enthusiasm. 

2) “Hey, I value our friendship a lot, but let’s keep that topic off the table for now if that’s cool with you”

Friendships are extremely important, right? That’s why sometimes you want to walk on eggshells around some of your friends.  

If you don’t want to do or talk about something with them, you still need to preserve a positive and respectful connection with them. 

Like most people, there are certain subjects that I’m not comfortable discussing, and I’d rather avoid them. Granted, there are probably less than a handful of such topics. 

And with my best friends, no topics are off limits, really. 

Still, if you don’t want to talk about something, there are easy ways of expressing that without being rude. 

3) “I gotta be honest, I’m not feeling great about that request. How about we brainstorm some alternatives?”

Sometimes, a friend, colleague, or family member will suggest something that just doesn’t sit well with you.

You’d like to tell them that you just don’t want to do that, but you know they’ll be upset, disappointed, or even hurt. 

For example, a friend suggests going to a crowded event that makes you feel anxious. Or you don’t want to go for any other number of reasons.

You know they perhaps wouldn’t understand you and your reasons for not going. That’s why the best thing to do is tell them you aren’t comfortable doing it and suggest an alternative.

Or, suck it in and go with them. You never know. It might be a really fun and incredible night out for you despite your anxiety. 

4) “I’m maxed out on my own things, so I can’t really handle any more right now”

Some folks can be pretty needy, huh? And then there are those who always seem to ask for help at the worst times possible.

But hey, if you’re in a spot where you can’t lend a hand, there’s a phrase you can drop.

Just tell them, “Right now, I gotta focus on what’s best for me and make sure I’m good before taking on anything else.”

But does that mean you should never help out? Nah, not at all. Helping each other out should be the backbone of any relationship.

That’s why, even when I’m crazy busy or it’s a hassle, I try to be there for my friends and family.

5) “You know, finances aren’t really my thing. Let’s switch gears and talk about something more fun!”

Money is a sensitive subject for most people, right? If you’d rather not delve into that topic in your conversations, the best thing is to not beat it around the bush and say it clearly. 

No need to dance around it.

I don’t think that should make things too uncomfortable between two people. After all, they should know that it’s a topic many people don’t like talking about. If they get squirmy, it’s on them for pushing it on you. 

Tell them you’re willing to talk about anything else you both find enjoyable and interesting.

6) “Let’s agree to disagree and move forward”

Agreeing with everything someone says is almost impossible. There will always be things you disagree with, especially when it comes to politics.

If it seems like you have conflicting opinions on something, that’s perfectly okay. Instead of focusing on your differences, why not acknowledge them?

Accept that you won’t see eye to eye, and continue your relationship without letting this disagreement stunt your interactions.

The thing is, you’re not going to change their opinion no matter what. Sure, you might plant a seed of doubt in some cases, but that’s about it.

If that’s worth it to you to potentially ruin your relationship, that’s on you. 

7) “I prefer to keep my personal life private, but I appreciate your concern”

What if someone just likes poking their nose where they shouldn’t?

I mean, I’ve seen it happen many times. If it’s my mom, I just tell her that I don’t want to talk about it, or I deflect if she’s really stubborn.

But what if it’s someone with who you don’t have a close relationship with? 

Just tell them you’d like to keep certain things private. You appreciate their concern, but that’s not something you’re open to discussing. 

Tell them, “Yeah, I’m kind of private about that stuff, but thanks for caring,” or, “Ah, you know me, I like to keep my personal stuff under wraps. Thanks for asking, though!”

That way, you reveal that you appreciate their caring nature and that your bond means a lot to you. 

8) “Thanks for sharing your thoughts, but I’ve got this”

It’s cool to have someone who can suggest solutions or just lend a listening ear. But, sometimes, you just have to trust your gut and do your own thing.

In that case, I like to thank them for sharing their thoughts with me. I tell them that their perspective and insights are valuable to me, and I’m grateful for their advice.

However, when it comes to this particular issue, I feel confident in my own judgment and decision-making abilities.

That’s not a biggy, right? If they’re a regular person, they should understand and shouldn’t take any offense.

Final thoughts

Setting boundaries is like drawing a line in the sand to protect yourself while respecting others. 

It’s about saying “yes” to yourself and what matters most, even if it means saying “no” to extra stuff. 

By speaking up kindly and honestly about your needs, you show that you value your relationships with others. 

You aren’t making BS excuses and insulting their intelligence. To me, there’s nothing worse than hearing a totally made-up excuse and knowing that they’re basically lying to your face.