Personality traits of people who have no close friends to rely on, according to psychology

I’ve been fascinated by friendship—and the absence of it—for years. The kind of fascination that comes not from curiosity alone, but from lived experience. I know what it feels like to walk through life with no one who really gets you. No one to call when things fall apart. No one to witness you.

And I also know how misunderstood that pain can be. On the surface, it’s easy to assume that someone without close friends is either socially awkward, introverted, or simply hasn’t “put themselves out there” enough. But through personal experience and deep exploration of the psychological research, I’ve learned that there’s much more going on beneath the surface.

In this article, I want to share what I’ve come to understand—both through reflection and through psychology—about the personality traits and internal experiences common among people who don’t have close friendships in their lives. This isn’t to place blame or diagnose. It’s to offer clarity and, hopefully, a sense of direction.

The role of personality in chronic loneliness

Psychologists have long known that personality traits—particularly the Big Five: Extraversion, Neuroticism, Agreeableness, Openness, and Conscientiousness—can significantly shape the quality and depth of our relationships. But when it comes to people who have no close friends at all, certain patterns start to emerge.

1. Low Extraversion (High Introversion)

People with very low extraversion often find social interactions draining, not energizing. This doesn’t make them antisocial—many introverts enjoy connection, just in smaller doses. But if someone is very introverted and lacks social confidence or opportunity, it can result in a life with few, if any, emotionally intimate relationships.

It’s not about quantity of interactions—it’s about how often they lead to depth. And for the chronically lonely introvert, that path toward intimacy may be blocked by exhaustion, fear of rejection, or a sense of “what’s the point?”

2. High Neuroticism and Social Anxiety

Neuroticism, a trait linked to emotional instability, anxiety, and negative rumination, often correlates with loneliness. Studies like the one by Mund & Neyer (2016) have shown that individuals high in neuroticism are more likely to perceive social interactions as stressful or threatening.

This can create a painful feedback loop: the desire for connection triggers anxiety, which leads to withdrawal, which increases isolation, which worsens anxiety. I’ve lived in that loop myself. It’s brutal, and it can last for years if left unchecked.

Reference:
Mund, M., & Neyer, F. J. (2016). The winding paths of the lonesome cowboy: Evidence for mutual influences between personality, subjective health, and loneliness. Journal of Personality, 84(5), 646–657.

3. Low Agreeableness

Friendship requires a degree of emotional give-and-take—patience, empathy, compromise. Individuals low in agreeableness tend to struggle in these areas. They may be skeptical, competitive, or dismissive of other people’s emotions.

That doesn’t mean they don’t want close relationships. But their defensiveness or bluntness often pushes people away before a deeper connection can take hold. And because they often don’t recognize the role they’re playing, they may reinforce the belief that “people just don’t like me.”

4. A Distrust of Vulnerability

Many people who don’t have close friends carry a deep mistrust of intimacy. They’ve been hurt. Maybe by family, maybe by friends who betrayed them, maybe by life itself. And so, vulnerability starts to feel dangerous.

This pattern is often linked to avoidant or fearful attachment styles. Rather than open up and risk getting hurt again, these individuals keep things superficial. But friendship without vulnerability isn’t friendship—it’s proximity.

5. Excessive Self-Focus

This one is more subtle. It doesn’t always show up as arrogance. In fact, it can look like deep insecurity. People who are consumed by their own pain—especially around not having friends—can become trapped in a kind of narcissistic loop, where everything revolves around how they feel, how they are misunderstood, how they are different.

I say this with compassion, because I’ve been there. When you believe no one understands you, you start to view yourself as fundamentally separate. Unique. Too unique for others to relate to. Ironically, this mindset blocks the very intimacy you’re craving.

The shift: from self-focus to contribution

The major turning point for me—and I believe for many others stuck in this painful place—was when I stopped obsessing over my own need for friends and started thinking about how I could contribute to others.

It wasn’t about being useful to earn love. It was about reconnecting with something deeper: the human drive to serve, to help, to be part of something larger than yourself.

So what do you do if you’re stuck?

This is where I want to direct you to a video I filmed a few years back, walking along the beach in Beaumaris, Melbourne. I had just seen a group of young guys laughing, drinking, and enjoying their friendships—and then I saw another man, about my age, sitting completely alone.

It brought back a flood of memories. I remembered what it felt like to be that guy. To feel outside of life. So I picked up my camera and spoke from the heart.

In the video, I share:

• The mistake I made trying to fix loneliness by socializing more

• How loneliness doesn’t come from being alone, but from being unseen

• The trap of making your pain the center of your identity

• The shift that helped me build friendships that are aligned with who I really am

• A simple 3-step process to help others, find purpose, and invite connection without chasing it

It’s not a perfect video. The sun was going down. I didn’t know if I’d even finish it. But it’s raw, real, and everything I wish I’d known years ago.