People who lack confidence often display these 9 behaviors

When you’re confident in yourself, you don’t really need external validation to feel secure in your decisions, right?

On the other hand, its absence can be harder to detect.

Lack of confidence isn’t just about being shy or reserved, it goes much deeper. It’s about self-doubt, fear of failure and the constant undermining of one’s own abilities.

As someone who’s struggled with confidence issues in the past, I can tell you that it’s not always apparent, even to the person experiencing it.

But there are certain behaviors that hint at this lack of self-assuredness. In fact, people who lack confidence often display these 9 behaviors:

1) They’re often overly apologetic

In the world of confidence (or lack thereof), apologies often take center stage.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Apologizing when you’re in the wrong is a sign of maturity.

But people who lack confidence tend to take it to another level. In fact, they apologize for everything, even when they aren’t at fault.

For instance, you might hear them say sorry for things that are out of their control or have nothing to do with them.

This is because they often feel the need to take on blame, even when it isn’t theirs to bear.

Here’s what’s really going on:

This habitual apologizing is a defense mechanism. It’s a way for them to avoid potential criticism or conflict.

And this over-apologizing can be a clear indicator of low self-confidence.

My advice here is to understand the difference between taking responsibility and shouldering unnecessary blame.

2) They shy away from compliments

Compliments — they’re a simple yet powerful way of making someone feel good, right?

Not for everyone.

For those with low confidence, compliments can be difficult to accept.

They might downplay the praise, dismiss it altogether, or even find a way to turn it into a negative.

This reaction is often rooted in something psychologists call “imposter syndrome“. It’s a psychological pattern where an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internal fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.

Simply put, when someone with this syndrome receives a compliment, their immediate reaction is to deflect it.

The thing is that they believe they don’t deserve the praise or that the person complimenting them must be mistaken.

So, if you or someone you know tends to react this way to compliments, it might be a sign of low self-confidence.

And guess what?

Recognizing this behavior is the first step toward addressing it.

3) They often self-deprecate

While deflecting compliments is a common behavior in people with low confidence, another side of the same coin is self-deprecation.

I know this might come across as harmless humor or even humility at first glance. I mean, they’re the ones who always make light of their own abilities, achievements, or looks, right?

But when you dig deeper, it’s often a reflection of how they see themselves.

That’s the reason why they may use self-deprecation as a defense mechanism — to beat others to the punch and control how they’re perceived.

This behavior can be seen as an extension of not being able to accept compliments.

Instead of waiting for others to criticize them, they do it themselves first.

While occasional self-deprecating humor can be endearing and relatable, a consistent pattern might indicate low self-confidence. If you notice this in yourself or others, it’s worth paying attention to.

4) They avoid decision-making

Ever found yourself avoiding decisions, big or small?

Well, this could be another sign of low confidence.

Often, people who lack confidence find decision-making stressful and anxiety-inducing. They worry about making the wrong choice and facing potential criticism or failure.

Their fear of making a mistake is so intense that they’d rather not make any decision at all.

What’s more, they frequently seek validation from others before making choices, as they doubt their own judgment.

This behavior might seem like a safety net, but in reality, it only holds them back.

It prevents them from taking charge of their lives and learning from their mistakes, which are crucial for personal growth.

Having this in mind, it makes me think that frequently dodging decisions could be a sign of low self-confidence.

5) They have a hard time saying “no”

It’s a small word, but for some, it’s one of the hardest to say – “No”.

People who lack confidence often struggle with asserting their opinions or needs. They are more likely to agree to things they aren’t comfortable with, just to avoid potential conflict or disapproval.

Here are some scenarios you might identify with:

  • Agreeing to extra work when your plate is already full
  • Staying silent during a discussion, even though you have a different opinion
  • Accepting an invitation even when you’d rather spend the evening at home

These might seem like small sacrifices in the grand scheme of things. But over time, they can lead to resentment, stress, and burnout.

More importantly, they reflect an underlying lack of self-confidence.

The inability to say no stems from a fear of rejection or disappointing others. It’s about wanting to be liked and accepted.

But remember, saying no when necessary is a part of healthy boundaries and self-respect.

6) They’re prone to perfectionism

Perfectionism is indeed one of those traits that can be both a blessing and a curse.

I’ve seen it in myself and in others around me – this constant striving for perfection, the relentless pursuit of flawlessness.

It’s not just wanting to do well. It’s fearing failure so much that you’d rather not try at all if you can’t be perfect.

Most of us often associate perfectionism with high standards and ambition.

But more often than not, it’s a sign of low self-confidence.

People who lack confidence worry incessantly about making mistakes or falling short of expectations. They believe that being perfect is the only way to be accepted or valued.

Let’s be clear:

There’s nothing wrong with having high standards. But when those standards are unrealistically high and are driven by fear of failure or rejection, they can do more harm than good.

Perfectionism can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression. It’s a heavy burden to carry – one that stems from a lack of self-confidence.

7) They often compare themselves to others

Imagine you’re scrolling through your social media feed, and you come across a post from an old friend. They’ve just landed their dream job, or maybe they’re on a vacation in some exotic location.

How do you feel? Do you find yourself comparing your life to theirs? Wondering why you aren’t in their shoes?

This is something people who lack confidence often do.

They have a habit of comparing themselves to others. Whether it’s career success, physical appearance, or personal life, they measure their self-worth based on how they stack up against others.

But here’s the thing:

Life isn’t a competition. Everyone is on their own unique journey with different starting points, paths, and destinations.

Comparing yourself to others isn’t just unfair; it’s also unproductive. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and lower your self-esteem even further.

Whenever you find yourself making those comparisons, ask yourself this:

Are you being fair to yourself? Or is this comparison just feeding into your lack of self-confidence?

8) They’re often critical of others

We all know someone who’s overly critical of others.

They’re quick to point out flaws and notice the negatives all the time.

I had a friend back in college who was like this. I remember how he’d always find something wrong with everyone – their outfit, their ideas, their way of doing things.

At first, it seemed like he was just tough to please.

But over time, I began to realize that his constant criticism of others was a reflection of his own insecurities.

You see, people who lack confidence often project their own insecurities onto others. They focus on others’ flaws to distract themselves from their own perceived shortcomings.

It’s an unconscious defense mechanism – by bringing others down, they feel better about themselves.

But deep down, this behavior stems from a place of low self-confidence.

Recognizing this pattern in yourself or others can be an important step towards understanding and addressing underlying confidence issues.

9) They have a negative self-talk

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, people who lack confidence often engage in negative self-talk.

This self-talk is that little voice in your head that comments on what you’re doing, thinking, and feeling. For those with low self-confidence, this voice is often critical and negative.

  • “I can’t do this.”
  • “I’m not good enough.”
  • “Why would anyone listen to me?”

These are some common phrases you might hear in the internal dialogue of someone struggling with self-confidence. This negative self-talk reinforces their self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Why?

Simply because the way we talk to ourselves significantly influences our self-perception. Hence, negative self-talk can be incredibly damaging to our confidence levels.

What can you do to boost your confidence?

Recognizing signs of low confidence is the first step towards building genuine self-assuredness.

But what next? How can you transform this newfound awareness into a confidence boost?

Here are a few strategies to consider:

  • Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d show to a friend.
  • Perfection is not attainable, so aim for progress instead.
  • Recognize and appreciate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem.

Remember, confidence is not something you’re born with – it’s something you build.

Keep these signs and strategies in mind, reflect on them, learn from them, and use them as stepping stones on your path to greater self-confidence.

Break Free From Limiting Labels and Unleash Your True Potential

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Tina Fey

I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.

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