Being happy is a choice.
But when hurtful things happen, dark skies can easily cloud someone’s thoughts.
And before they know it, they could be caught in a vicious cycle of unhappiness and isolation.
I honestly don’t think anyone willingly goes there. The sad part is just that some people choose to stay.
Or perhaps they fall so far into the negativity that isolation and their other unhealthy behaviors become all they genuinely believe exists.
I’m not sure.
But I do know that seeing someone you love withdraw and lose that spark they had is terrifying.
You can help, though. If you recognize the signs.
Because people who isolate themselves when they’re unhappy usually have similar behaviors.
The first being that…
1) They’re always exhausted.
When someone is deeply unhappy or dissatisfied with their life, it often manifests physically, with one common sign being persistent exhaustion.
This isn’t just about lacking sleep—it’s a kind of fatigue that seeps into every aspect of their life, making even small tasks feel impossible.
Their exhaustion is usually because of the mental toll that constant negative thinking, anxiety, and depression take.
All these consume a tremendous amount of energy.
The mind and body are closely linked. And when your mind is in distress, you can experience physical symptoms like extreme tiredness.
If you recognize this sign in someone you know, try to help them find what’s causing their unhappiness.
In some cases, this might mean going to therapy or a support group.
Focusing on small, manageable lifestyle changes can also make a big difference.
Sometimes, a healthier diet and a walk in the park can improve mood and energy levels like nothing else!
Remember, your friend might not ask for help.
But if you’re worried, insist.
2) They’re irritated and moody.
We all have small things in our lives that annoy us. But when someone is always irritated to a point where they withdraw from daily life, there might be deeper, unresolved issues.
Being unhappy can make people moody. We’re not supposed to hate life. Our bodies know this.
Another reason why someone would constantly be moody is when they keep all their other feelings bottled up.
Sadly, admitting you’re really unhappy can make people judge you for not seeing the bright side or just trying a little harder to be positive.
So, people keep what they’re really feeling in.
And when it becomes too much, they feel stretched thin, and suddenly, minor inconveniences turn into big issues.
A moody and irritable attitude can also be a protective measure. Keeping people away can feel safer than being vulnerable.
If you know someone who is always in a bad mood, no matter what, they might be struggling silently.
Having a conversation with them about your struggles could help them realize you’ll listen to theirs without judgment. But don’t make them feel cornered to share.
A gentle approach is key. Offer a smile and keep your conversation casual.
You can also invite them to join you in any stress-reducing activities you do that could help improve their mood, whether that’s daily walks or painting classes.
Being around people will not only boost endorphins but help them feel less isolated.
Because if someone is depressed, there’s also a pretty good chance…
3) They withdrew from social activities.
Social withdrawal is a coping mechanism for many people who feel unhappy.
They usually do this to avoid having to pretend they’re happy and because they think they might be judged for not having a good, positive-vibe-filled existence.
A lack of energy and motivation is usually also a reason.
When someone is deeply unhappy, the effort it takes to have a social life can be too much to handle, pushing them into further isolation.
This isolation creates a vicious cycle.
At first, someone might feel relieved to have some time alone where they don’t need to pretend everything’s okay.
But over time, it can lead to more loneliness and even depression, worsening the unhappiness they were trying to escape.
Breaking this cycle is super important.
If someone you care about always says no when you invite them somewhere, this might be what they’re going through.
Suggesting a low-pressure coffee catch-up instead of a party could feel more manageable to them. You should also consider whether the thing you’re inviting them to aligns with their interests.
4) They seem addicted to things that help them escape reality.
Another way unhappy people cope in general, but more specifically during isolation, is by excessively consuming things that help them escape from their reality.
This could mean anything from alcohol or drugs to binge-watching TV shows, doom-scrolling through social media, or immersing themselves in video games.
These activities can temporarily relieve their emotional pain and the harsh reality they have to face.
You might argue that it’s okay to play video games or be active on social media. But the thing is, when someone does this while also mostly isolating themselves, they develop a dependency that only deepens their unhappiness over time.
They use these things to numb or distract themselves instead of addressing the cause of their hurt.
And if they don’t find balance, their addiction can lead to health problems, too.
Helping someone caught in the cycle of escapism can be pretty complicated, though.
They don’t always realize what they’re doing and think there’s nothing wrong with it anyway since it makes them feel so much better.
I’ll know. I’ve been there.
Don’t laugh, okay?
I developed an obsession with Candy Crush. You know, the mobile game…
Breaking that addiction was hard. I didn’t have any help because I refused to tell anyone close to me about what was happening.
I know you probably think getting addicted to a mobile game is crazy. But if you haven’t been there, you won’t realize how bad it can get.
I remember spending hours in bed pushing myself to get through as many levels as possible and win challenges and gold bars.
Being crowned a virtual champion and seeing my number of gold bars grow made me feel better. However silly that sounds.
But once I realized that I was only avoiding the inevitable, I found healthier ways to work through the cause of my unhappiness.
Think you know someone doing something similar?
Gently try to make them realize they’re suppressing their pain. And create a safe space where they can start opening up about what’s going on.
One way you can do this is by introducing them to healthier coping mechanisms. Invite them to your hobby class or show them that new meditation app you downloaded.
But don’t force them.
Consistency is key. You’ll eventually get through to them if you keep bringing it up.
5) They neglect themselves.
Neglect can take many forms, but it’s definitely something people start doing when deep down they’re unhappy with how their life is going.
When someone mainly isolates, they know they won’t be around people too often.
That’s why one of the first ways they might start to neglect themselves is by ignoring personal hygiene.
You might notice they no longer put effort into how their hair or toenails look, and they could even develop a smell.
Neglect can also manifest as unhealthy eating, not exercising, or burying themselves in work.
Someone who constantly feels negative has no motivation to take care of themselves because they might see self-care as a low priority, unworthy of their time and energy.
They could even think they don’t deserve the care and attention they actually need.
Self-neglect is both a symptom and a contributor to overall unhappiness.
It creates a negative loop where neglect leads to worsening physical and emotional health, which feeds back into unhappiness and further self-neglect.
If you want to help someone who is neglecting themselves, you should get them to take small, manageable steps towards self-care.
This could mean inviting them for a mani and pedi or buying them a voucher at the hair salon.
If they’re working too much, grab them at the arm after work and take them out for a drink.
These kinds of things can help them realize that putting themselves first feels good and that they’re worthy of this type of care.
Simple self-care can have a massive impact on mental health and their overall outlook on life.
And small, achievable tasks like washing their face every evening, going for a short walk, or healthy meal prepping can build momentum and help someone feel more accomplished.
But always remember:
It’s not your job to fix someone.
Unless the person you’re trying to help wants it, nothing you say or do will make a difference.
You shouldn’t drain your own resources and neglect your mental health to keep someone else from drowning.
Sometimes, if everything you’ve tried fails, leaving the contact details of a professional is the best thing you can do.
Therapy can find the reason for their unhappiness and offer strategies to rebuild self-esteem and cope with negative thoughts.
Ultimately, the journey is personal.
And all the patience, understanding, and encouragement in the world can’t help someone who refuses to see their worth and regain motivation to get their life back on track.
