Our childhood experiences are powerful and indelible. Especially when it comes to the support (or lack thereof) we received from our parents.
It’s a bit like a seed that grows into a tree. The quality of the soil and nourishment can determine how the tree matures and what fruits it bears.
In the same vein, unsupportive parents can leave lasting effects on us, shaping our personality and behavior in ways we might not even realize.
What exactly are these effects? Today, that’s exactly what I’ll be sharing. Here are 9 traits that show up later in life in people who grew up with a lack of support from their parents:
1) They tend to be fiercely independent
As someone who grew up with unsupportive parents, I’ve learned early on to rely on myself.
That’s how it is for people whose main sources of support – their parents – weren’t exactly reliable.
It’s not that we necessarily want to go it alone. It’s just that we had to. And so, independence became our survival tool.
We learned to fend for ourselves, make decisions on our own, and navigate life’s challenges without much guidance or support.
And now, as an adult, this independence is a part of who we are.
2) They might struggle with self-esteem
Now, let’s talk about a psychological concept that you’re probably familiar with – self-esteem.
In layman’s terms, self-esteem is about how much you value yourself. It’s about believing in your abilities, acknowledging your worth, and having a positive regard for yourself.
Sounds simple enough, right?
Well, here’s the thing. For people who grew up with unsupportive parents, it’s not that simple.
Why? Because as children, we look to our parents for validation and affirmation. Their approval and support play a significant role in shaping our self-worth.
Unfortunately, if that support was missing or inconsistent, it could leave a child doubting their worth and capabilities.
They might struggle with feelings of inadequacy and find it hard to believe in their own strengths.
3) They could be an overachiever
Interestingly, the struggle with self-esteem due to unsupportive parents can sometimes manifest in a surprising way – overachievement.
Although it might seem contradictory at first, it actually makes sense when you think about it.
Those who grew up missing validation and support from their parents might have started seeking that approval elsewhere.
One common place? Achievements.
Whether it’s excelling in academics, sports, or your career, they push themselves relentlessly.
They set high standards for themselves and work tirelessly to meet them. The applause and recognition that come with success serve as a form of validation they crave.
Now, being an overachiever isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can drive you to accomplish great things.
However, if it’s rooted in a quest for external validation or to compensate for low self-esteem, it can become an unhealthy pattern.
So, if you identify as an overachiever, it might be a trait influenced by your experiences with unsupportive parents.
4) They might find it difficult to trust others
Difficulty trusting people is another trait you’ll notice in people who grew up with unsupportive parents.
You see, trust is often built during our early years. We learn to trust others based on the reliability and consistency of our parents’ support and care.
However, since their parents were unsupportive or inconsistent in their support, it could have disrupted this fundamental learning.
As a result, they might have grown up with a sense of wariness, finding it challenging to trust others easily.
They might question people’s motives, expect disappointment or even sabotage good things because they seem “too good to be true.”
If this resonates with you, it might be worth reflecting on your past and understanding how it could be influencing your present relationships and trust issues.
5) They may have developed certain defense mechanisms
Growing up with unsupportive parents can be tough, and it’s only natural that they might have developed certain defense mechanisms as a way to cope. These could include:
- Emotional detachment – keeping your feelings to yourself to avoid vulnerability or disappointment.
- Perfectionism – striving for flawlessness to avoid criticism or rejection.
- People-pleasing – constantly trying to make others happy in hopes of gaining approval.
- Self-sabotage – unconsciously ruining situations because of an underlying belief that you don’t deserve success or happiness.
These mechanisms might have served as a protective shield in their childhood, but unfortunately, they can lead to having unhealthy relationships as adults.
6) They might struggle with expressing their emotions
Growing up with unsupportive parents can make it hard for some people to handle and share their feelings. They might keep their emotions inside, which can lead to anxiety or a feeling of being emotionally detached.
People like this often find it tough to know exactly what they’re feeling or how to talk about it with others.
Because they’re not used to talking about their feelings or getting support, they might also struggle to open up to others. This can make their relationships feel distant, as they find it hard to be vulnerable and show their true emotions.
Over time, this lack of openness can prevent them from building deep and supportive connections with friends or partners. This brings me to the next point…
7) They may struggle with intimacy
Individuals who grew up with unsupportive parents may often find it challenging to develop close, intimate relationships.
Without the model of healthy attachments in their formative years, they might be uncertain about the norms and boundaries of intimacy.
This can lead them to either avoid close relationships altogether or enter into them with a lot of caution and hesitance.
Plus, because it’s hard to trust others and talk about feelings, it can be difficult to be emotionally intimate.
Their fear of being vulnerable can make it difficult to form strong, lasting bonds, and might leave them feeling lonely or disconnected even in committed relationships.
8) They might be overly critical of themselves
You might also notice that they tend to downplay their achievements and magnify their mistakes.
This could be another trait linked to growing up with unsupportive parents.
In the absence of consistent support and positive reinforcement from their parents, they might have developed a habit of being overly critical of themselves.
And if they were frequently judged or criticized in childhood, they might have internalized those voices and continually doubt their own worth and abilities even as adults.
This constant self-criticism can make them their own harshest critics, always feeling like they aren’t good enough or that they must strive for perfection.
Unfortunately, this tendency to be overly critical can affect various aspects of their lives, including their careers, relationships, and personal growth.
They may struggle to celebrate achievements or may feel undeserving of success.
Additionally, this critical nature can make them excessively cautious or hesitant to take risks, which can limit their opportunities and hinder their overall happiness.
9) They are resilient
Now, for the final trait – and arguably the most important one.
Growing up with unsupportive parents is undoubtedly difficult. It leaves its marks. But here’s what we often fail to realize – it also makes us incredibly resilient.
People who grew up in this kind of environment have had to navigate through challenges from an early age, often without guidance.
So, they’ve learned to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and keep going.
And this resilience, this strength, is something that stays with them. It equips them to face life’s adversities with tenacity and courage.
What now? Where do we go from here?
Recognizing these traits in ourselves can be an enlightening, albeit challenging, journey. But remember, awareness is the first step towards change.
So what can you do next? Here are a few suggestions:
- Reflect on your past: Understanding your experiences can help you make sense of your present behavior and responses.
- Seek professional help: Therapists and psychologists can provide valuable guidance and strategies to help you navigate your feelings and experiences.
- Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your feelings and experiences without judgment. Remember, it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.
- Establish healthy boundaries: Learn to set boundaries that ensure your emotional well-being.
Growing up with unsupportive parents can shape us in profound ways. But it’s important to remember that our past doesn’t have to define us. We have the power to learn, grow, and chart our own path forward.
And always remember – you’re stronger than you think.
Struggling to Love Yourself? This Quiz Reveals Why and Shows You How
Do you sometimes feel unworthy, flawed, or not good enough? Like you’ll never measure up no matter how hard you try?
Most of us grapple with self-doubt and low self-esteem at times. And when we don’t love ourselves, it permeates everything – our relationships, our work, our inner peace.
But why is self-acceptance so hard? And how can we move from self-judgment to self-love?
That’s what this illuminating quiz dives into. It’s designed to uncover the specific barriers holding you back from embracing who you really are.
In just a few minutes, you’ll gain priceless insight into:
- The root insecurities driving your self-criticism
- How past emotional wounds shaped your self-perception
- Ways you unconsciously sabotage your happiness
With this valuable self-knowledge, you’ll be equipped to start the healing process and develop true self-love.
Stop feeling plagued by not being enough. Take the quiz now to pinpoint what’s distorting your self-image so you can reclaim your sense of self-worth.
The first step is bringing awareness to the problem. The solution will follow.
