We all treasure our friendships, don’t we? After all, they’re a beacon of support, a well of shared memories, and, to be really honest, a crucial part of our sanity.
But what about those moments? You know: The sticky, icky situations when your friend behaves in a way that makes you doubt their empathy, their valor, or—dare I say—their actual regard for you?
Ouch, it hurts just to think about it, doesn’t it?
Now imagine that there are six specific things, repeat offenses, that are absolute deal-breakers but we often overlook in the name of “oh, that’s just how they are.”
If your friend truly appreciates you, here’s a list of six things they’d never do around their other buddies.
This article is about understanding genuine versus superficial friendship, holding people accountable and, more importantly, maintaining the sanity we all cherish:
1) They won’t belittle you constantly
Banter, occasional teasing—would “Friends” be even half as interesting without Chandler’s sarcastic remarks? Of course, not!
There’s a fine line between friendly teasing and being constantly berated, a line that someone who values you will never, under any circumstances, cross.
If a friend continually picks on you, belittles you, or makes you the butt of the joke in every gathering, it’s disrespectful and harmful.
You may want to justify it as their sense of humor, or perhaps you’re “overreacting.”
However, your feelings are valid and everyone deserves respect.
If a person truly values your friendship, they won’t repeatedly hurt you, even if it is under the guise of humor.
2) They won’t ditch you for cooler company
Have you ever felt like a last resort? I remember vividly this one time when my so-called friend invited me to a movie night.
I was excited about spending some quality time together, but guess what happened?
Just when I was about to leave my house, I got a text saying they had “better plans” and our movie night was off.
It turned out that they’ve met a group of, quote-unquote, “cooler” friends and just left me high and dry.
It hurt a lot, and worse? When they didn’t even truly apologize for what happened.
That’s when I realized, if someone really appreciates you, they won’t ditch you just because someone “more exciting” comes along.
Friendship is about consistency; it’s about being there for one another, no matter how “cool” or “not-cool” the circumstances may be.
To be valued means to never be someone’s backup plan.
3) They won’t invalidate your feelings
We’re all human; we all experience a whirlwind of emotions, and sometimes, they hit us hard, really hard.
Have you ever shared a troubling concern with a friend, only to hear them throw a dismissive, “Oh, you’re always so dramatic” back at you?
Well, a good friend, a person who values you, will never invalidate your feelings like this.
It doesn’t matter if your concern is about losing your job or just that person at the coffee shop messing up your order.
If it matters to you, it should matter to them.
Acknowledging your feelings, giving them importance, truly listening when you lay your heart bare – that’s what someone who values you does.
Don’t ever let someone make you feel like your emotions are too much or too dramatic.
You feel what you feel, and you deserve to be heard.
Value runs in deep waters, so your concerns and your feelings aren’t just pebbles skimming the surface.
They sink to the bottom, and someone who truly values you, dives in to get them, every single time.
4) They won’t undermine your achievements
Celebration is contagious, and there’s a unique joy in it.
Especially when you’ve struggled, persevered, and finally achieved your goals.
These jubilant moments are meant to be shared—and share them you should—with your closest friends.
Yet if those very friends respond with a dismissive gesture, undermining your hard-earned success or turn it into a competition, then it’s time to reassess.
A genuine friend, someone who truly values you, will never belittle your achievements.
They’d rejoice in your happiness and successes as if they were their own.
That’s what friends are: Mirrors and shadows.
Mirrors, because they reflect you and your triumphs back to you without distortion; shadows, because they stick with you in your darkest hours.
Celebrate your gains and let the world see your joy.
The ones who echo that joy back to you, those are the ones who truly value you.
Believe in the power of real friendships that aren’t dimmed by jealousy or fear.
5) They won’t ignore your discomfort
There are times when, even in the most cheerful congregations, you can feel out of place, uncomfortable, even anxious.
In these moments, more often than not, words often fail.
The practice of recognizing someone’s discomfort without them having to voice it is simple and profound.
It’s about reading the unspoken, perceiving the subtle signs, and taking action to reassure the friend in distress.
Now here’s the thing: Someone who truly values you will never overlook your discomfort, especially around other friends.
They won’t leave you hanging, feeling out of place, while they’re having fun.
Instead, they’d reach out in a heartbeat, ensure you’re okay, and do everything they can to make you feel included and comfortable.
Kind gestures, understanding glances, or simply standing by your side to let you know you’re not alone; it’s these small acts of empathy, these minor adjustments, that reflect the enormous worth they hold for you in their heart.
Looking out for each other, that’s the real beauty of friendship.
6) They won’t gossip about you behind your back
Trust is the lifeblood of true friendship.
It is the invisible bond that holds friends together, creating a sacred circle where you can be your true self, knowing your stories and secrets are safe.
Someone who values you, they will honor this trust.
They won’t gossip about you and won’t churn stories about you behind your back.
Your life, your secrets, your vulnerabilities, these aren’t cards to be spread out on the table of casual conversations.
Real friends, those who genuinely treasure you, will guard your trust as if it’s their own.
They will stand up for you in your absence and refuse to partake in conversations that betray your confidence.
Your privilege of trust is a clear testimony of your worth to them.
Trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild; treasure those who guard it with their lives.
The currency of real friendship is trust, and those who value you will never let it get devalued.
Wrapping up
Friendship, when nurtured with respect and love, can be our greatest strength, a haven amidst life’s storms.
If you invariably find your feelings trampled upon by friends, or if you have been belittled, ignored, or gossiped about, take a step back and reflect.
It’s never easy to confront these hard truths because it stings and it hurts.
A friend’s true value is not in the grandeur of their gestures, but in their subtleties.
It’s in their respect for you, in their acceptance, in their kindness; it lies in the safe space they create for you, built with bricks of trust, care, and integrity.
The journey to discovering the true measure of anyone’s value in your life isn’t a race.
It’s a long, experiential trek that, sometimes, leads to life-altering realizations.
On this journey, you might lose some friends, some might stay, and you might find new ones.
Don’t settle for less because you, my friend, are worth so much more.
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