9 mistakes that keep you unhappy, according to psychology

Happiness can often feel like a moving target, elusive and tricky to maintain.

Psychology, however, tells us that there are common pitfalls that can trip us up in our pursuit of joy.

These mistakes, often made without us even realizing, can keep us stuck in a cycle of unhappiness.

Now, I’m not claiming to have the secret recipe for eternal bliss. But understanding these nine mistakes and how they impact our happiness? That could be a game-changer.

So buckle up and prepare to learn about the hurdles you might be unknowingly setting for yourself in your journey toward happiness. 

Let’s dive in. 

1) Neglecting self-care

One of the most common mistakes we make is neglecting self-care.

We often prioritize everything else – our jobs, our families, our social commitments – over taking care of ourselves.

This could mean skipping meals, not getting enough sleep, or abandoning exercise routines.

And while it may feel like we’re just being productive or responsible, the truth is we’re setting ourselves up for unhappiness.

Self-care is not a luxury. It’s a necessity. Without it, our bodies and minds can’t function at their best.

We become more susceptible to stress, anxiety, and depression.

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

You can’t take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself first.

So next time you’re tempted to skip a meal or pull an all-nighter for work, think again. 

2) Overthinking

I’ve been there. Lying awake at 3 a.m., my mind racing through a thousand different scenarios of what could go wrong.

Overthinking is a trap that I, like many others, have fallen into time and time again.

And it’s one of the fastest routes to unhappiness.

A 2021 study even suggests it can increase our risk of mental health conditions. 

One moment, we’re mulling over a minor comment made by a colleague at work.

The next, we’re spiraling into thoughts of job insecurity and questioning your competence.

Overthinking doesn’t solve problems. It amplifies them.

It steals our peace of mind and often leaves us feeling drained and unhappy.

If you catch yourself stuck in an overthinking loop, take a step back.

Breathe. Remember that not everything needs to be dissected and analyzed to the nth degree.

3) Ignoring your feelings

In an era that often encourages us to “suck it up” and “keep a stiff upper lip”, ignoring our feelings can seem like the easiest route to take. 

But it’s not. 

Emotions are a natural part of being human.

They’re signals from our brain, communicating important information about our environment and experiences.

Ignoring them is like trying to drive with your eyes closed.

When we bottle up our feelings, they don’t disappear. Instead, they accumulate and can eventually lead to emotional outbursts, stress, and even physical health problems.

Even negative emotions have a purpose. Sadness can foster empathy.

Anger can fuel motivation for change.

Acknowledging and processing your emotions is a key step towards happiness.

You don’t have to wear your heart on your sleeve, but give yourself permission to feel.

4) Living in the past or future

Ever found yourself replaying past mistakes over and over in your head?

Or stressing about future events that haven’t even happened yet? You’re not alone.

Psychology tells us that one of the most common mistakes we make is that we spend too much time dwelling on the past or fretting about the future. 

As noted by Dr. Leon F. Seltzer, “Thinking too much about times gone by typically keeps your mind–and life–stuck in neutral (and maybe even shifts it into reverse)”.

This prevents us from fully experiencing the present moment, which is where life actually happens.

Our brains are hardwired to learn from past experiences and plan for the future.

But when we spend too much time in either realm, we rob ourselves of the joy and contentment that can be found in the here and now.

Practicing mindfulness, focusing on the present moment, can help to break this cycle.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t reflect on the past or plan for the future.

It’s about finding a balance – acknowledging and learning from your past, preparing for your future, but always remembering to live in the now.

5) Pursuing perfection

We’ve all heard the saying, “Nobody’s perfect.”

Yet, many of us continue to chase after this impossible standard.

Striving for perfection is a major stumbling block on the road to happiness.

Instead of setting realistic goals and celebrating our progress, we set ourselves up for failure by aiming for flawlessness.

Perfection is not only unattainable; it’s also subjective.

What may seem perfect to one person could be completely different for another.

Chasing it can result in constant dissatisfaction and self-criticism.

It’s important to strive for growth and improvement, but not at the expense of our self-esteem and happiness.

Our failures and flaws often lead to our greatest learnings and growth.

So, instead of pursuing perfection, aim for progress—that’s where true happiness lies.

6) Forgetting gratitude

In the hustle of daily life, it’s easy to overlook the good things we have. We might find ourselves focusing on what we lack, or what we wish we had.

But we’re not doing ourselves any favors.

As noted by the experts, gratitude has a host of benefits, including improving sleep and decreasing anxiety. 

It doesn’t mean you should ignore your problems or challenges.

It’s about acknowledging the good that already exists in your life.

Whether it’s the love of family and friends, a roof over your head, or a beautiful sunset, there’s always something to be thankful for.

And every moment of gratitude brings us one step closer to happiness.

7) Avoiding discomfort

We all have moments when we’d rather crawl under the covers than face a difficult situation.

Those times when the thought of a tough conversation or confronting a fear feels too overwhelming.

I’ve been there, choosing the safe, comfortable option instead of stepping into the unknown.

But here’s the thing – avoiding discomfort is a mistake that often keeps us unhappy.

It keeps us stuck, unable to grow or navigate through life’s challenges.

Life is full of uncomfortable moments – it’s part and parcel of being human.

These moments, as daunting as they may seem, are often opportunities for personal growth and development.

Pushing through discomfort can lead to new skills, insights, and experiences that contribute to our happiness in the long run. So don’t shy away from discomfort.

Embrace it. It’s often in these challenging moments that we discover our true strength and potential.

8) Comparing yourself to others

In today’s digital age, it’s easier than ever to fall into the comparison trap.

Scrolling through social media, we’re bombarded with images of perceived perfection – successful careers, blissful relationships, picture-perfect homes.

But comparing yourself to others is a mistake that can steal your joy and leave you feeling unhappy.

We often compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel, forgetting that what we see online isn’t always the full story.

Each of us is on a unique journey with different paths, different milestones, and different timelines.

Comparing your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 20 isn’t fair to you or your personal growth.

Instead of comparison, focus on your own progress. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.

Remember, the only person you should strive to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

9) Not seeking help when needed

One of the biggest mistakes we can make is thinking we have to go it alone.

That seeking help is a sign of weakness or failure. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Whether you’re struggling with a mental health issue, facing a personal crisis, or simply feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to ask for help.

We all need support sometimes, and reaching out doesn’t make you any less capable or strong.

In fact, seeking help when you need it is a sign of self-awareness and strength.

It’s an important step towards overcoming challenges and finding happiness.

You don’t have to face life’s ups and downs alone.

There are professionals, support groups, loved ones who want to help. Don’t hesitate to reach out. It’s one of the bravest things you can do for your happiness.

Final thought: Happiness is a journey, not a destination

These nine mistakes are not definitive roadblocks, but rather signposts guiding us towards self-improvement and contentment.

Overcoming them doesn’t guarantee perpetual happiness – because life is an ebb and flow of joy and sorrow, triumph and failure.

But awareness and understanding of these pitfalls can equip us with tools to navigate the journey toward happiness more effectively.

So, as we strive to navigate this complex yet beautiful journey of life, let’s remember to be kind to ourselves, learn from our mistakes, and take one step at a time towards our own unique version of happiness.