Last month, I found myself sitting on my friend Sarah’s living room floor, mesmerized by something I hadn’t expected. Her three-year-old daughter Emma was completely absorbed in building a tower with plain old wooden blocks.
No flashing lights. No beeping sounds. Just simple, natural wood in her small hands.
I couldn’t shake the image and I ended up writing about it a few days back, but a bigger question kept nagging at me: Is tech actually good for kids?
I don’t have children myself—my husband and I chose a different path. But that doesn’t stop me from being curious about how we’re shaping the next generation.
Maybe it’s because I see the effects of technology on my own focus. Or maybe it’s because I’ve watched adults struggle to put their phones down during conversations.
The truth is, this question matters to all of us.
On initial inspection, you’d think that no kids should use tech.
One research review found that “more digital technology use in young children was associated with poorer wellbeing outcomes” while experts at The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) suggest that babies and young children stay away from screens, except video chats, until they’re 18 to 24 months old.
What about about older kids, then? Well, as you might expect some studies suggest that learning the old fashioned way of reading on paper is better. Similarly, Scientific American notes that “Engaging the fine motor system to produce letters by hand (ie. writing by hand) has positive effects on learning and memory.”
Pew Research also suggests that almost 50% of teens believe social media sites have a mostly negative effect on other teens. Yes, almost half. And they could well be right, too. Some (but not all) research suggests that an increase in social media use is associated with an increase in depressive symptoms.
That’s pretty clear guidance, right? Well, it gets murky. Other studies point to benefits.
For instance, experts have noted that early touchscreen use, correlates with increased fine motor control in toddlers.
Researchers have also that technology can strengthen friendships and increase social connection. I think we all know how important this is.
And the one so many hate on – video games. Surprise: a study involving nearly 2,000 children revealed that those who played video games for three or more hours daily outperformed their non-gaming peers on cognitive tests measuring impulse control and working memory.
I could on for pages but I’ll finish on an obvious one: ease of access to information. I mean, you are reading this on a phone or laptop, right? Imagine how much children would fall behind in this world if they did not develop any tech skills.
So where does that leave us?
The more I dug into the research, the more I realized we’re asking the wrong question. Instead of “Is tech good or bad for kids?” we should be asking “How can we use technology intentionally?”
When Emma was building with those wooden blocks, she was developing spatial reasoning, fine motor skills, and patience. These are things that happen naturally when children engage with physical materials.
But I’ve also watched her use a simple drawing app on her mom’s tablet, creating digital art with the same focus and creativity. The difference wasn’t the tool—it was the intention behind its use.
Here’s what seems to matter most:
• Age-appropriate timing (following those AAP guidelines for the youngest children)
• Active versus passive engagement (creating content rather than just consuming)
• Time limits that preserve space for physical play, sleep, and real-world interaction
• Content that matches developmental needs rather than just entertainment
This means parents must become curators, not just supervisors.
They need to choose apps that encourage creativity over consumption. They need to set boundaries around timing and duration. They need to model healthy relationships with technology themselves.
A two-year-old passively watching videos for hours will likely experience negative effects
But a school-age child using technology to video chat with grandparents, create digital art, or learn coding is engaging in something entirely different.
Maybe the real question isn’t whether technology is good for kids, but whether we’re good at using technology with kids. That requires the same mindfulness we bring to any other aspect of parenting—or life, really.
Staying present, making conscious choices, and regularly asking ourselves: Is this serving the outcome we actually want?
Just launched: The Vessel’s Youtube Channel
Explore our first video: The Brain Beneath Our Feet — a short-film by shaman Rudá Iandê that challenges where we believe intelligence comes from.
Instead of looking to the stars or machines, Rudá invites us to consider that the first great mind on Earth may have existed without a brain at all… and that the oldest form of thought might be living beneath our feet.
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