9 little known signs you’re in a relationship with a genuinely good person

After years of going for the “wrong type,” I finally hit the jackpot with my current partner. He is a genuinely good person and I feel so lucky to have him.

So why did it take me so long to attract the kind, loving, and decent man I deserve?

Because sometimes we overlook the more humble signs of a genuinely good person.

We go in search of flashy displays of romance and passion and can ignore what lies beneath all of that.

That’s why it’s important to watch out for the lesser-known signs you’re in a relationship with a genuinely good person.

1) They think actions speak louder than words

They may talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, does their behavior match up?

I’m certainly not against compliments and kind words. They have their place in a healthy relationship.

For plenty of people, words of affirmation are an important love language. They can make you feel special and cared for. But unless they are backed up with action, they mean very little.

There’s no getting around it:

Sometimes, words are cheap.

They simply become flattery, usually designed to keep you where someone wants you.

A good person is mindful of what they say. So they won’t love bomb you with adulation solely for the purpose of smooth-talking you.

They prefer to show you who they are through the power of their actions.

2) They are prepared to inconvenience themselves for you

If actions count more than words, then those actions aren’t always effortless either.

Good people consider others. That means they are prepared to put themselves out for the sake of someone else.

That’s not the same as martyrdom or people-pleasing of course. But it’s a recognition that the people they care most about in the world are worth the effort.

In relationships, it’s so often those little gestures that mean the most.

It’s unloading the dishwasher without being asked because you know your partner has had a long day.

It’s driving out of your way to pick them up a coffee because you know they are going to need a caffeine fix.

It’s going the extra mile to please them, without making a song and dance about it.

3) They dare to be honest with you

Honesty is an often discussed vital ingredient in any quality relationship. Experts tell us how without truth, we cannot have trust.

But we don’t always talk about how difficult it can be sometimes.

Honesty demands vulnerability.

It’s easy to be honest with someone when what you have to say won’t rock any boats.

But what about when it does?

Then we can all too easily shy away from it and make the decision to keep things to ourselves.

But selective honesty isn’t really honesty.

Good people know that truth takes courage sometimes.

4) They like you for who you are and don’t try to change you

A good person in a relationship accepts you for who you are.

They don’t impose their judgments and opinions on others to try to persuade them to change.

That’s not to say that you will always like every single thing about your other half. But truly accepting them means allowing them autonomy.

It’s not for our partners to dictate who we should be.

Anyone who tries to get you to change yourself — whether that be the way you dress, speak, or behave isn’t respecting your right to choose for yourself.

People are not renovation projects. So no one should take on a “fixer-upper” in the hopes they can transform it into their own vision.

5) They lovingly hold you to account when you’re in the wrong

Here’s the thing:

A good person has their own values and beliefs. They hold themselves, and those they love up to a set of standards.

Rather than blindly agree with everything you say and do, a good person is prepared to challenge you too.

They won’t stifle what they view as right and wrong for the sake of an easy life. They don’t shy away from conflict at all costs.

Being a good person in a relationship is far from being a pushover. But neither does it mean they are argumentative. It’s all about how they go about it.

They don’t do it with ego. It’s not about being right. Yet they aren’t afraid to lovingly hold up a mirror to you and help you see your own shadow side.

But when conflict does arise, they go about it in a respectful way, as we’ll see next.

6) You may not always agree, but you always feel heard

If you feel seen, heard, and understood in a relationship then you’re getting it right. But that certainly doesn’t mean you will always see eye to eye.

No matter how aligned you are, there are likely to be some areas where you don’t agree.

It’s natural and it’s important to voice your differences rather than try to brush them under the carpet.

But when you disagree, you still feel:

  • Genuinely listened too
  • Like your feelings, opinions, and beliefs matter
  • That your partner is prepared to compromise
  • That you are not being dismissed or disregarded
  • That your communication stays respectful

7) They don’t take you for granted

As highlighted in Harvard Health:

“Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”

Research has shown that gratitude may well make us better people by motivating behaviors that lead to self-improvement and positive change.

If it builds your connection by showing your appreciation for your partner, then it obviously weakens it whenever you fail to do so.

Good people are grateful people.

Whilst we can all be guilty of overlooking what we have from time to time, if you’re in a relationship with a genuinely good person, they’ll never take you for granted.

8) They are reliable and consistent

Sadly in the dating world reliability is all too often interpreted as being boring.

Yet it is anything but.

Thanks to an unfortunate quirk of human psychology, we have a tendency to yearn for things we feel are unattainable.

We attach more value to them the more out of reach they seem.

So you can see why all too often we end up chasing the wrong people, not because they’re great, but simply because we cannot have them.

When someone shows up for us with the respect and decency we deserve, we don’t always appreciate it in the way we should.

The very thing it offers is the very thing that makes it seem less exciting. Because it gives us a sense of security and safety.

These are exactly the feelings that you should be having when you are in a relationship with a good person.

Rather than keep you guessing, they show up for you time and time again.

9) They are patient with you when you aren’t at your best

Let’s face it:

It’s easier to be a good person when life is going well and no one is rubbing us up the wrong way.

That’s why so much of the measure of a good person comes down to how they behave during the more challenging times.

Sure your partner may love you when the sun is shining and everything is hunky dory, but what about when you’re getting on their last nerve?

Then how do they respond to you?

Patience is such a humble and unassuming trait that it is all too often overlooked.

If you are in a relationship with someone who manages to show tolerance when you aren’t at your best, you have got a keeper!

Final thoughts

Being a good person in a relationship isn’t about showering you with flowers, chocolates, and flattery.

It’s not about making you feel like a King or a Queen 24-7.

It’s about upholding fundamental principles of decency and kindness, even when that’s hard.

It’s about putting in the work and committing to respect, honesty, support, and equality within your relationship

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