8 behaviors you should never tolerate from a partner (no matter how much you love them)

I remember a time when I thought “love conquers all” meant I had to accept every behavior under the sun.

It didn’t matter if my feelings were hurt or if my emotional health was in jeopardy—I’d still shrug it off and say, “Well, that’s just how relationships are.”

Eventually, I realized that neglecting my own well-being wasn’t a recipe for a healthy partnership.

Love should elevate us, not diminish us.

I’m sharing these eight behaviors to highlight that no matter how deeply you care for someone, you always have the right to safeguard your self-respect.

1. Demeaning language

Harsh words and sarcastic remarks can damage your self-esteem more than you might realize in the moment.

When your partner uses demeaning language—like insulting nicknames or direct put-downs—it creates an emotional rift.

According to Psych Central, constant criticism in a relationship is a significant predictor of emotional distress.

Words are powerful.

If your partner belittles you or makes jokes at your expense, those negative sentiments can start to shape how you see yourself.

I once had a friend who tolerated these subtle digs for years.

She convinced herself they were “harmless” until she began to feel constantly anxious in her own home.

Her experience taught me that we deserve a partner who lifts us up with their words—even when they’re frustrated or disagreeing with us.

2. Blatant boundary-pushing

Boundaries aren’t walls we build to keep loved ones out.

They’re lines that keep our emotional, physical, and mental well-being intact.

However, there are people who consistently push these boundaries—ignoring your requests for personal space or demanding you share every detail of your day.

I recall reading an eye-opening piece from the Mayo Clinic about how personal boundaries can reduce stress and improve mental health.

When a partner repeatedly disregards your boundaries, whether it’s trivializing your need for alone time or pressuring you into uncomfortable situations, it isn’t just a minor issue.

It’s a lack of respect.

In a healthy relationship, the line you draw to protect your well-being should never be trampled on.

3. Consistent blame-shifting

Have you ever tried to have a calm conversation about a concern, only to end up feeling like everything is somehow your fault?

That’s blame-shifting.

Instead of taking responsibility, a blame-shifter turns the tables and accuses you of being the real problem.

When someone constantly deflects guilt, it prevents growth and blocks honest communication.

A friend of mine noticed that every time she pointed out her partner’s hurtful comments, he’d snap back with, “Look who’s talking!”

After a while, the actual issue got buried under who was “right,” and the cycle repeated itself.

No matter how much you love someone, they need to own up to their actions at some point.

4. Emotional manipulation

We’re almost done, but this piece can’t be overlooked.

Emotional manipulation can be subtle and difficult to identify.

Sometimes it shows up through guilt trips, silent treatment, or twisted ultimatums.

If you’re still unsure, here are a few common warning signs:

• You feel like you’re always “walking on eggshells.”
• You’re constantly apologizing, even when you did nothing wrong.
• You feel obligated to prove your love or loyalty in extreme ways.

According to Women’s Aid, emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse because it chips away at self-worth.

When you find yourself tiptoeing around your partner’s mood swings or living in fear of their emotional reactions, that’s a red flag you shouldn’t ignore.

5. Deliberate isolation

Sometimes your partner might say they “just want you to themselves” or “dislike your friends.”

Initially, it can sound romantic—like they value your company above all else.

But if that evolves into restricting who you spend time with or discouraging your other relationships, we’re no longer in cute territory.

Isolation severs your support network.

It can make you dependent on your partner for every emotional need.

One client I spoke with realized she had no one to reach out to in a crisis because her partner had systematically strained her ties with friends and family.

She felt alone and stuck.

Love should never make you feel you’ve lost your sense of community or your freedom to connect with others.

6. Physical aggression or intimidation

This might seem obvious, yet countless people remain in relationships where fear of physical harm looms.

Physical aggression isn’t limited to actual violence; it can also include intimidation like throwing objects, punching walls, or standing over you in a threatening way.

According to research, aggressive gestures and intimidation often precede more severe forms of abuse.

If someone is using their size, strength, or anger to intimidate, that’s not just a “bad temper.”

It’s a signal that you’re unsafe in that environment.

No matter how deeply you love them or how apologetic they may appear afterward, repeated episodes of intimidation point to a toxic dynamic that jeopardizes your well-being.

7. Manipulating finances

Money can be a huge stressor in relationships.

But there’s a difference between normal financial disagreements and outright controlling the purse strings.

I remember a conversation with a close family member who couldn’t even purchase groceries without submitting a detailed receipt to her partner.

He used money to dictate what she wore, who she could see, and even which hobbies she could pursue.

As Brené Brown has said, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection.”

But you can’t be vulnerable or connected if you’re living in fear that your access to funds—or basic autonomy—will be cut off as punishment.

Financial abuse often flies under the radar because it doesn’t leave visible scars.

Yet, it’s an incredibly potent form of control that can trap you in an unhealthy relationship.

8. Refusal to communicate

I want to share one last insight before we wrap up.

A partner who flat-out refuses to communicate during conflicts leaves little room for resolution.

Shutting down, ignoring your attempts to discuss important issues, or pretending everything is fine when it’s not—these behaviors stifle progress.

My own relationship benefited significantly when we learned how to calmly address issues instead of locking ourselves in separate rooms to simmer in silent rage.

It wasn’t easy, and it took a lot of mindfulness practice.

But open dialogue helped us understand each other’s perspectives, even on tough topics.

When someone you love won’t communicate, it can make you feel powerless and alone in the relationship.

Healthy conflict resolution is the foundation of a lasting bond.

Final thoughts

We often forgive, overlook, and convince ourselves that “love means staying.”

But not all actions are worth tolerating, even if your heart is fully invested.

A healthy partnership respects boundaries, values honest dialogue, and fosters a sense of safety.

If any of these eight behaviors feel all too familiar, consider reaching out to a counselor, a trusted friend, or a local support group.

You deserve a partnership where love brings out the best in both of you, and that starts with recognizing what should never be excused.

True commitment doesn’t demand losing yourself—it invites growth and mutual respect.

And remember: walking away from toxic behavior isn’t giving up on love.

It’s standing up for the kind of love that genuinely supports your emotional and mental well-being.