7 signs you’re holding on to an outdated version of yourself (and it’s time to let go)

Have you ever felt like you’re wearing shoes that are two sizes too small, but you keep walking anyway because, well, they used to fit?

I’ve been there, holding onto ideas of who I “should” be based on a version of myself I had long outgrown.

There’s a strange comfort in refusing to let go of an identity that once served you. It feels familiar, like a threadbare security blanket.

And at first, it can be hard to see just how much it’s limiting you.

Yet, just as an old pair of shoes will eventually give you blisters, an outdated version of yourself will grind down your spirit.

I’ve witnessed this countless times—through my own personal evolution and the journeys of those I’ve worked with. Here at The Vessel, we talk a lot about human potential and how it’s stifled by dogmas and illusions we’ve inherited from ourselves and society.

The truth is, most people don’t realize how much they’ve grown until they look back and see the distance between who they were and who they’ve become.

But some of us keep retreating to that old version, forgetting we’ve outgrown it. If this feels uncomfortably familiar, stay with me. In this article, I’m sharing 7 telltale signs that it’s time to let go of your outdated self. Let’s dive in.

1) You’re ignoring your own growth

I often hear people say something like, “I’m just not the kind of person who takes risks” or “I’ve always been too shy to speak up.”

The problem is, they decided this about themselves a decade ago and never updated the story.

If you still rely on ancient scripts you wrote about yourself back in high school, you’re ignoring the growth that has happened in the present.

From my experience as a shaman, I’ve learned that life’s greatest transformations happen gradually and organically.

You change day by day, but if you never pause to acknowledge it, you cling to stale definitions of who you think you are.

It’s not just about being stuck in your comfort zone—it’s about failing to see that your zone has expanded. Sometimes, all it takes is stepping back to notice the ways you’ve subtly shifted and matured over the years.

2) You’re blaming the past for everything

Where do you place responsibility when things go wrong?

If you notice you’re habitually pointing a finger at “that thing that happened back then,” it’s likely you’re caught in an outdated story.

I met someone once who blamed all her relationship issues on her first heartbreak when she was just a teenager.

Now in her 30s, she was still describing herself as “the girl who can’t trust anyone because of what happened.”

But let’s be honest: the past can shape us, but it shouldn’t define us forever.

Slavoj Žižek once said, “The task of philosophy is not to provide answers, but to show how the way we perceive a problem can be part of the problem itself.”

I find this incredibly relevant here.

If you keep perceiving your problems through the lens of a 15-year-old heartbreak, you’re missing the fact that you’re an entirely different person now, more resilient than you give yourself credit for.

The real question is: why let an old wound take up so much space in your current reality?

3) You’re too invested in an old dream

We all have aspirations, but some of them are relics from a person we no longer are.

Holding on to an outdated goal can feel righteous—like we’re demonstrating loyalty to ourselves.

But in reality, you might be pouring your energy into a path that isn’t aligned with your current values.

I’ve heard people say, “I’ve spent so many years training for this career, I can’t possibly do something else now.” Yet they’re miserable in that job, clinging to a younger version of themselves who dreamed it all up in a different era.

Dreams, like everything else, can evolve. When we refuse to adapt them, we stifle our own progress and end up living someone else’s script—our own, but from a time that’s expired.

Take a moment to ask yourself: is this dream still alive for you, or do you keep dragging it along because you’re too afraid to face the emptiness you imagine will appear if you let it go?

Sometimes, releasing an obsolete goal can be the gateway to discovering what you truly want in the here and now.

4) You’re stuck in outdated relationships

A surefire sign that you’re holding on to an outdated version of yourself is the fact that many of your relationships don’t feel right anymore.

Maybe you still surround yourself with the same friends, follow the same social routines, even though you barely resonate with them.

You’re essentially play-acting old scenes with people who once knew you well, but might not see who you’ve become.

I’ve realized, through my work with people all over the world, that we often cling to old social circles out of fear of loneliness, even when those circles suffocate us.

There’s compassion in acknowledging that letting go of relationships is scary.

Yet, if these connections only reinforce a stale identity—nudging you to keep playing the role you’ve outgrown—then they’re not doing you any favors.

Don’t get me wrong: this doesn’t mean cutting out everyone who doesn’t perfectly reflect the “new you.”

It’s more about recognizing whether your relationships give you room to expand—or pressure you to stay the same.

5) You’re frightened by your own potential

It’s staggering how many of us sabotage ourselves the moment we glimpse a bigger, bolder future.

The fear isn’t that we’ll fail; it’s that we might succeed in ways that feel unimaginable.

So what do we do?

We rush back to the old, familiar identity that says, “You’re not meant for that. Who do you think you are?”

Alan Watts has another quote that fits perfectly here: “The more a thing tends to be permanent, the more it tends to be lifeless.”

We try to keep our self-concept permanent because it feels safe. But we’re living, breathing creatures—and growth is embedded in our DNA.

To fight it is to deny our own lifeblood. If the thought of stepping into a bigger version of yourself sends chills down your spine, pay attention.

That’s often a key indicator that you’re holding on to outdated self-limitations, too scared to see just how powerful you’ve become.

6) You’re clinging to labels and categories

Have you noticed how obsessed our society is with labeling everything?

We’ve got labels for personality types, political leanings, spiritual beliefs, relationship status—you name it.

Labels can help us understand ourselves, but they can also transform into cages.

If you find yourself fixated on definitions—“I’m always the introvert, the anxious one, the struggling artist”—you might be choking your own evolution.

I’ve met countless people who introduced themselves with a flurry of labels, only to discover later that none of those labels fit anymore.

This is when friction arises: do you let the label go or force yourself to conform to it?

If you keep forcing yourself to live within that category, you’re holding on to a version of yourself you’ve outgrown. Life is fluid, and identity should be fluid, too.

7) You’re constantly reminiscing about “the good old days”

There’s nothing inherently wrong with reminiscing.

But if you’re constantly reliving your glory days—whether it’s high school, college, or some past era—you’re idolizing a bygone version of yourself.

Maybe you keep telling the same stories to anyone who’ll listen, convinced that your prime years are behind you.

It’s a subtle yet poisonous way of telling yourself: The best of me is in the past.

I once worked with a man who couldn’t stop talking about his younger self—how fit he was, how carefree, how creative.

In every conversation, he painted 25-year-old “him” as the ultimate expression of who he was.

Meanwhile, in the present, he was bored, unfulfilled, and looking for escape.

The truth he couldn’t see was that at 45, he had the wisdom and maturity to do something truly transformative, which the younger version of him could never have accomplished.

Obsessively longing for those “good old days” was a way to hide from the great potential of who he could become right now.

It’s time to let go and step into your new self

Letting go doesn’t mean rejecting your past. It means embracing the fullness of your present and the promise of your future.

It means acknowledging that who you were got you here, but it won’t take you any further if you keep clinging to it like an identity badge.

Life is relentless in its momentum; it pushes us forward whether we’re ready or not. So why not make a conscious choice to grow along with it?

If you’re feeling that internal friction—the tug-of-war between the person you once were and the person you’re becoming—perhaps it’s time to free your mind from these outdated narratives. I’ve put together practical exercises and tools in my Free Your Mind Masterclass to help you break free from the old, limiting beliefs.

It’s not about pretending the past never happened; it’s about reclaiming the energy you’ve invested in old stories and using it to create a life that reflects your truest self.

Yes, it’s uncomfortable. Yes, it requires courage. But I believe that discomfort is a small price to pay for the freedom, authenticity, and wild beauty of an ever-evolving life. Don’t let your old self rule over you any longer. Step into the version of you that you’re meant to be—right here and now.