People who are always happier being single than in a relationship usually display these personality traits

There are certain people who, no matter how much they open themselves up to connection, always seem to return to the quiet rhythm of being alone. Not out of bitterness. Not because they were hurt and vowed to never love again. But because, in their own words, they feel freer, more themselves, more grounded in solitude. I know this well. I’ve lived it.

For most of my adult life, I’ve been single. Apart from a few brief and beautiful interludes, I’ve returned, time and again, to the spaciousness of a life lived independently. There’s something deeply compelling about waking up alone, knowing your energy belongs entirely to you. You get to decide how to spend it. Your day isn’t entangled with anyone else’s expectations. You navigate by your own compass.

And yet, in this space of chosen solitude, there’s a paradox: the more at home I became in myself, the more pressure I felt to justify it. First dates that turned into interrogations. Friends raising eyebrows. Family members reminding me that grandchildren don’t appear out of thin air. There’s an unspoken belief in our culture that to be alone for too long is to be a little broken, a little selfish, maybe even a little afraid.

But when I look at the people I’ve met who are consistently happier single, I notice something else entirely. These people tend to have a refined sense of who they are. They’ve done the inner work. They’re not avoiding intimacy—they’re avoiding losing themselves in the expectations that often come with it.

They tend to be introspective. Reflective. Comfortable with silence. They’re often drawn to art, books, solo travel, or deep conversations that stretch late into the night. They’re not afraid to ask big questions, even if the answers elude them. And underneath all that is a strong sense of self-worth—not the kind that requires constant affirmation, but the quiet kind that comes from knowing what matters to them and honoring that, day after day.

There’s also a deep reverence for freedom. But this word—freedom—can be deceptive. For those who prefer singlehood, freedom often means freedom from obligation. From the subtle compromises and emotional negotiations that relationships require. From the possibility of being hurt, yes, but also from the slow erosion of personal routines and rhythms that make life feel coherent.

I used to tell myself that this was the highest form of living. That if I could be completely content alone, I had cracked some kind of existential code. And in some ways, I had. Being happy alone is a powerful achievement. It means you’re no longer ruled by longing or loneliness. It means you can discern between desire and dependency. It means you can build a life not as a waiting room for love, but as a destination in and of itself.

But over time, I started to see the shadow side of this strength. I started to see how my pursuit of autonomy had become a fortress. How my finely tuned life had little room for another person. How my sense of freedom was, in some subtle ways, also a resistance to vulnerability. It was a resistance to being seen not only in my solitude, but in my messiness—in the compromise, the negotiation, the occasional unraveling that love brings.

People who thrive in singlehood are often exceptionally good at self-regulation. They know how to process emotions without spiraling. They don’t expect others to fix them. They don’t outsource their happiness. But this strength can become a limitation when it prevents us from asking for help, from relying on others, from letting ourselves be truly affected by someone else.

There’s a kind of perfectionism that can emerge here, too. When you’re used to being alone, you get used to everything being a certain way. You make your own coffee just how you like it. You read until 2 a.m. without explanation. You take spontaneous trips. You don’t have to explain yourself. And when a relationship threatens to rearrange even a fraction of that, it can feel like an infringement rather than an invitation.

There’s a courage in being alone. A clarity. And for many years, I needed that. It gave me the space to build businesses, to travel the world, to fall apart and put myself back together again without needing anyone’s permission. It gave me time to understand the ways I had internalized societal narratives about love and success. It gave me the chance to build a relationship with myself that felt grounded, not performative.

But here’s where I’ve arrived now: even though I once said in a video a few years ago that I wanted to remain single—that I had chosen it as a deliberate path—I find myself standing somewhere else today. I’m no longer chasing a singular vision of freedom. That version, rooted in independence at all costs, began to show cracks. It served me until it didn’t. And what I see now is more layered, more human.

Because the truth is, there are different kinds of freedom. There’s the freedom from others. And then there’s the freedom to be with others in a way that doesn’t cost you your soul. One is spacious and clear and often quiet. The other is chaotic, intertwined, often hard—but real. Real in the way that makes your edges soften and your worldview expand.

I’ve learned that sometimes, the people who are best at being alone are also the most afraid of being seen fully. We’ve learned to be self-sufficient, and in that self-sufficiency, we’ve subtly constructed lives that run on our terms. We don’t owe anyone anything. We’re proud of our clarity. But clarity, untested by relationship, can become rigidity. And the ability to manage your own emotions is not the same thing as being able to share them.

This isn’t to say that those who are single are afraid. That would be an oversimplification. But I am saying that there can be a hidden layer of avoidance beneath the pursuit of autonomy. A fear not of loneliness, but of the vulnerability required to be truly close to someone.

What I’ve come to feel—more than know—is that freedom is not the absence of interference. It’s not waking up every morning with a clean slate and zero obligations. That might be liberty, but it’s not necessarily depth. Freedom, in the more evolved sense, might be the ability to remain true to yourself while being transformed by love. Not swallowed by it. Not edited by it. But reshaped, refined, expanded.

In other words, freedom is not only a solo pursuit. It’s a shared experience. And it asks something of us. It asks that we stay open when it’s easier to shut down. That we choose dialogue when silence feels safer. That we admit we don’t have it all figured out—even when we’ve built a life that appears beautifully sorted.

This insight didn’t come to me through a book or a podcast. It came from being cracked open. From moments of unexpected connection. From choosing, tentatively at first, to allow someone into the rhythms of my well-ordered life. From facing the discomfort of reshaping routines to make space. From realizing that being known, truly known, isn’t a threat to freedom—it’s an evolution of it.

So to those who are usually happier being single: I honor your clarity. I recognize your strength. You’ve probably done more inner work than most. But don’t be afraid to question it. Don’t be afraid to ask whether your version of freedom is still serving you—or whether it’s time to update it, expand it, complicate it.

Because freedom, like love, is not a fixed idea. It’s something we grow into. And sometimes, we only find the deeper kind when we’re willing to risk the comforts of the shallower one.

That’s where I find myself now—not abandoning what I’ve built, but letting it be rearranged. Not letting go of freedom, but stepping into a broader definition of it. One that includes interdependence. One that honors mystery. One that invites intimacy not as a demand, but as a possibility.

I’ll always treasure the years I spent alone. They shaped me. They gave me my voice. They taught me how to hold myself steady. But now, I’m learning to hold someone else, too. And in doing so, I’m discovering new dimensions of who I am.

This isn’t a destination. It’s another beginning. And wherever you are—single, partnered, uncertain—I hope you’ll be gentle with yourself. Keep questioning. Keep exploring. Let your version of freedom evolve as you do.

Because, as I said in that video years ago, I wanted to be single. And I was. And it was beautiful. But life is not static. And neither is freedom. And sometimes, what begins as a boundary becomes a bridge.

And when it does, everything changes.