If you’ve never been in a healthy relationship, these 8 behaviors might explain why

If you’ve found yourself in one toxic relationship after another, it’s natural to wonder, What am I doing wrong?

The truth is, you’re not alone.

We often overlook our own behaviors that may be hindering us from experiencing a fulfilling romantic relationship.

A relationship is like a two-way street. It requires effort, understanding, and most importantly, self-awareness.

This isn’t about blaming yourself, but rather understanding the patterns that may be keeping you stuck.

In this article, we’ll explore eight common behaviors that could be standing in the way of a healthy relationship. These insights can help you break the cycle and open your heart to something better.

1) Lack of self-awareness

In the world of love and relationships, self-awareness is a game-changer.

Often, we’re so engrossed in what’s not working in our relationships, that we forget to take a good look at ourselves.

Are there behaviors or patterns we’re repeating that are sabotaging our chances at a healthy relationship?

Self-awareness means understanding your feelings, motives, and desires. It’s about recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, and how your actions affect others.

Think about it. When you’re aware of your habits and behaviors, you’re better equipped to make positive changes.

You can’t fix what you don’t know is broken, right?

So the first step towards a healthy relationship might be to take a step back and do some self-reflection. Consider how your actions might be contributing to the pattern of less-than-healthy relationships.

2) Communication gaps

As your relationship confidante, let me tell you, communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re not really saying what’s on your mind?

Or maybe you’re not quite understanding what your partner is trying to convey?

These are classic signs of communication gaps.

Communication is not just about talking. It’s about listening, understanding, and responding. It’s about expressing your feelings openly and honestly, without fear of judgment or reprisal.

Improving communication requires effort and practice.

Start by expressing your thoughts and feelings more openly with your partner. And remember to listen as much as you speak!

3) Codependent patterns

Codependency is a trap that many of us fall into, often without realizing it.

In a codependent relationship, you find yourself excessively relying on your partner for approval or a sense of identity.

Or perhaps it’s the other way around. Either way, it’s not healthy.

A healthy relationship is about two independent individuals choosing to share their lives together, not losing themselves in each other.

In my book, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship“, I delve into this topic in-depth. It provides practical strategies for recognizing and breaking free from codependent patterns.

It can be a bit of a journey, but trust me, it’s worth it. When you learn to stand on your own two feet within a relationship, that’s when you can truly experience love in its purest form.

4) Pursuit of perfection

This might sound odd, but bear with me. The pursuit of a perfect relationship can actually be a stumbling block to achieving a healthy one.

Sounds counterintuitive, right? But here’s the thing.

No relationship is perfect. They all have ups and downs, disagreements, and misunderstandings.

It’s normal and part of the growth process.

In our quest for perfection, we often set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and our partners. When these expectations aren’t met, we feel let down and dissatisfied.

So let go of that picture-perfect image of a relationship you have in mind.

Instead, aim for a relationship that makes you feel loved, respected and valued – imperfections and all. That’s what real love is all about!

5) Fear of vulnerability

Okay, friends. It’s time to get a bit personal here.

I, Tina Fey, the relationship expert, have faced my fair share of fears when it comes to opening up in relationships.

And guess what? Fear of vulnerability was one of the big ones.

Being vulnerable in your relationship means opening up and sharing your true feelings, fears, and desires with your partner. It’s about letting your guard down and allowing yourself to be seen for who you truly are.

Scary? Absolutely! But it’s also the key to deep, authentic connection.

When we’re afraid to be vulnerable, we often put up walls and keep our partners at a distance. We may even push them away without realizing it.

So let’s be brave together. Let’s dare to be vulnerable in our relationships. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but trust me, the depth of connection you’ll experience is worth it.

6) Inability to forgive

Here’s the raw truth, folks – if you’re holding onto past hurts and grudges, it’s going to be hard to move forward in a healthy relationship.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. But when we hold onto these mistakes, they become heavy baggage that we carry into our future relationships.

Forgiveness is not about condoning wrong behavior. It’s about letting go of the pain for your own peace of mind. It’s about recognizing that we’re all human and we all mess up sometimes.

It’s tough, I won’t lie. But hanging onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. It only hurts you in the end.

7) Ignoring red flags

I want to share something personal with a hope that it might help you.

I’ve been there, ignoring the red flags, making excuses, hoping things would magically get better.

But guess what? They didn’t.

Red flags are called that for a reason. They’re warnings, indicators that something isn’t right.

We often see what we want to see in relationships, ignoring the reality in front of us.

But ignoring red flags doesn’t make them disappear. In fact, they often lead to bigger problems down the line.

So my advice?

Pay attention to the red flags. Don’t brush them under the rug. Address them, discuss them with your partner.

It might be uncomfortable, but it’s crucial for building a healthy relationship in the long run. 

8) Avoidance of self-love

Let’s get real here, friends. If you don’t love yourself, truly and deeply, it’s going to be challenging to form a healthy relationship with someone else.

Loving ourselves is often harder than loving someone else. We’re our own harshest critics, aren’t we?

We tend to focus on our flaws, our mistakes, our shortcomings, often forgetting to celebrate our strengths and accomplishments.

But here’s the raw truth – If you don’t love and respect yourself, how can you expect someone else to?

Self-love is about:

• Accepting yourself as you are, flaws and all
• Treating yourself with kindness and respect
• Celebrating your uniqueness

So take some time for self-love. Nurture your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Because when you love yourself, you set the standard for how others should love you. 

Final thoughts

Understanding these behaviors is a crucial step in breaking the cycle of unhealthy relationships.

By becoming aware of how your past experiences may be influencing your present actions, you can start to shift your mindset and make different choices in your relationships.

Healing takes time, but with self-compassion and a commitment to growth, you can move toward the healthy, loving relationship you deserve.

If you found value in this article and want to dive deeper, check out my book “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship“. It’s packed with insights and strategies to help you build healthier, happier relationships.