Exploring the nuances of my romantic relationships has been a recurring theme throughout my adult life, punctuated by moments of clarity and confusion.
Despite being in a relationship, I often find myself questioning the sincerity of my partner’s actions, the hidden meanings behind their words, and their true feelings.
But why is it that I’m constantly analyzing my partner’s authenticity?
Our society has cultivated a tendency to overlook the subtle signs of insincerity in relationships, often ignoring red flags out of fear of confrontation or denial of the truth.
In this article, I will unveil 7 telltale signs that your partner may not be genuine about how they truly feel.
1) They’re not consistent
This was a tricky one for me to grasp.
“Believing in their words” stemmed from the thought that my partner’s actions would align with their spoken promises.
But the reality is that their actions created a different narrative altogether.
Let me clarify.
Think about your partner right now. Their actions speak louder than their words. The promises they make should align with their actions. Their feelings should be reflected in their behavior.
While reading these words, you’ve likely recalled a few instances where this wasn’t the case.
The thing is that if you’re going to be in a relationship, it’s essential to understand that you’re not in control of their actions. They’re operating instinctively.
It’s crucial to let go of the illusion of consistency that comes from believing your partner’s words without observing their actions.
Words don’t define reality.
Actions do, and they are most authentic when they happen instinctively. When your partner acts genuinely.
2) They’re not always agreeable
This piece of advice may seem somewhat unusual.
I mean, relationship advice often suggests that compromise is key, right?
Well, it turns out that this isn’t always the case.
Contrary to what you might think, a partner who always agrees with you may not be genuinely expressing how they feel.
For instance, consider moments when you make a decision or share an opinion, and your partner readily agrees without much thought or discussion.
While this might seem harmonious on the surface, it can be a sign that they’re withholding their true thoughts or feelings to avoid conflict or to keep the peace.
Simply because genuine relationships thrive on honest communication, including disagreements and differing opinions.
This means that if your partner never expresses dissent or challenges your views, they’re not being entirely open about their own perspectives. This behavior can lead to a lack of depth in the relationship, where meaningful conversations and growth are replaced by a superficial agreement.
Trust me, when you try to “agree to everything” all the time, you give too much power to your partner’s opinions.
You give up your authenticity.
Now, I value a partner who can respectfully challenge my views.
Sometimes they have contrary opinions. Other times they’re voicing discomfort with a decision. But I don’t perceive this as a threat anymore.
3) They avoid tough conversations
Let’s be honest: few relationships can thrive in the absence of open and sincere communication.
That being said, it might seem like a relief at first, but soon enough, you might find yourself questioning why your partner is dodging difficult discussions.
You might even find yourself on the receiving end of their silence.
The truth is that avoidance often rears its ugly head in all relationships.
But if your partner consistently circumvents challenging conversations, you might be dealing with someone who isn’t being genuine about their feelings.
My first encounter with this was with my current partner, who always seemed to say one thing, yet act in a completely different way.
I tried understanding, explaining, even ignoring — nothing seemed to work.
This was until I went through the famous shaman Rudá Iandê’s Love and Intimacy Masterclass.
Rudá’s teachings opened my eyes to the dynamics of communication in relationships.
He showed me that avoiding tough conversations isn’t just about fear or reluctance — it’s often a sign of deeper issues, like not being honest about one’s feelings.
In the free masterclass, I learned the importance of creating a safe space for open dialogue and how to encourage my partner to express their true feelings without fear of judgment or conflict.
It made a huge difference.
We started tackling the tough topics we’d been avoiding, and it brought us closer than ever.
Perhaps it’s time for you as well to confront this issue. And if you’re looking for guidance, Rudá’s free masterclass might serve as an excellent starting point for you.
4) They’re not emotionally open
I wanted to steer this article toward observing actions and patterns.
The thing is, actions and patterns also reflect how emotionally open your partner is.
In many cases, partners can get engrossed in their own world. They become preoccupied with their own issues and concerns.
Their intentions may be innocent. They might believe that they’re shielding you from their troubles.
But guess what?
When they become so immersed, they can slip into the habit of thinking their emotional world doesn’t affect you.
What’s worse, they may lose touch with the emotional connection in your relationship. They may even become distant and are probably not such an understanding person to be around.
Of course, if I judged my partner solely on their intentions, I wouldn’t question their behavior.
However, I choose not to focus solely on intentions.
As a result, I am more able to reflect on their actions and the emotional openness in our relationship. I am learning to recognize the importance of emotional transparency in a relationship.
How your partner treats you emotionally is what matters, not the intentions that drive their behavior.
5) They keep secrets
In my experience, one of the more troubling signs that a partner may not be entirely genuine about their feelings is the tendency to keep secrets.
It’s not just about big lies or hidden affairs, though.
Sometimes it’s the smaller, seemingly insignificant things they choose to hide that can be most revealing.
I recall a time when I discovered my partner had been making plans with friends and not telling me about them.
It wasn’t the plans themselves that concerned me, but the fact that they felt the need to hide them.
Secret-keeping, no matter how small, can create a barrier to true intimacy.
It suggests a lack of trust or fear of vulnerability.
When a partner chooses to withhold information, it often indicates they are not fully comfortable sharing their true self.
This can be particularly hurtful and damaging in a relationship, as it leaves you questioning what else they might not be sharing.
So, here’s the truth:
The act of keeping secrets, no matter the scale, can be a significant indicator that your partner is struggling to be completely open about how they really feel.
6) They often gaslight
Have you ever expressed your feelings to your partner, only to be told you’re overreacting or imagining things?
This is a classic sign of gaslighting —a manipulative tactic where a person makes you question your own reality and feelings. It’s a serious red flag in any relationship.
For instance, you may bring up something that bothers you and your partner may dismiss it by saying, “You’re just too sensitive,” or “You always take things the wrong way.”
Then I guess they’re not acknowledging your feelings.
Instead, they’re manipulating the situation to make you doubt your perceptions and emotions.
This behavior is a classic tool for those who want to avoid accountability and maintain control in a relationship.
For those experiencing gaslighting, understanding this psychological manipulation can provide a sense of clarity.
It’s a reminder that you are not crazy or irrational — it’s just your partner who’s manipulating your reality to serve their own needs.
7) They’re always affectionate
Overflowing affection is often seen as a sign of deep love and genuine feelings.
However, constant affection might not always denote authenticity.
Excessive affection can sometimes be a mask for insecurity or an attempt to placate.
It’s often used by individuals who want to maintain an image of a perfect relationship or to compensate for their shortcomings elsewhere in the relationship.
In a relationship marked by authentic feelings, affection is balanced and is not used as a tool for manipulation or appeasement.
That’s why it’s important to reflect on whether the consistent showering of love and attention feels genuine, or if it serves as a distraction from deeper issues in the relationship.
True affection is spontaneous and heartfelt — not a constant, overwhelming flood that feels more obligatory than genuine.
And if you notice that the affection feels overwhelming or disingenuous, it may be time to have an open conversation about the emotional health of your relationship.
Bottom line: It could be instinctual
In the end, understanding whether your partner is being genuine often comes down to instinct.
Beyond the signs and behaviors, there’s an inner voice, an intuition that guides us in recognizing authenticity in our relationships.
Listening to your gut feeling about your partner’s genuineness can be as important as observing their behavior.
If something feels off, it might be worth exploring further.
But if you find it hard to trust your instincts or if you’re second-guessing yourself, again, Rudá Iandê’s Love and Intimacy Masterclass that I mentioned above might help you tune in to your inner wisdom.
In this free masterclass, Rudá talks about the importance of connecting with your inner self to understand your true feelings and perceptions in a relationship.
So, if you’re struggling to discern whether your partner is being genuine, consider giving Rudá’s masterclass a try.