If you want to be a truly confident man, stop doing these 11 things

As a man, there are plenty of opportunities in life for you to claim confidence, without necessarily having to “work for it.”

And I’m not trying to call anyone out. But rather, wanting to offer you some perspectives that will help you cultivate your own brand of masculinity.

Your own sense of genuine confidence that won’t falter when you’re alone or feeling vulnerable.

Because it’s not just about adopting new habits, it’s equally crucial to let go of certain behaviors that sabotage your progress.

Here are 11 of those things.

1) Seeking external validation

True confidence isn’t found in external validation like possession, or social status.

Relying on these superficial metrics only sets the bar low, and they can be rather addicting.

So get to know your relationship with dopamine. Try your best to cut out anything that makes you feel on top of the world at the price of you feeling low without it.

Because the world is built on social inequalities, the usual culprits for men will have something to do with sex, material wealth, and other men’s validation.

Instead, focus on internal qualities, personal growth, and meaningful connections as genuine sources for your self-worth.

Better yet, get to know who you are and seek his validation.

2) Pressuring yourself to meet societal expectations

A lot of men are expected to be the “providers.”

Whether that’s in relationships or family dynamics, there’s very little room for men to be vulnerable.

For their inner children!

Freeing yourself from these pressures will require you to see your worth beyond how much money you make, and how many women want to sleep with you.

That means you have to make the effort to take breaks for your mental health, and prioritize connections that encourage you to be emotionally intelligent.

It won’t be easy, depending on where you are coming from. But seeing your value requires a shift in perspective.

You could start it by not comparing yourself to others anymore.

3) Comparing yourself to others

Comparison, like overthinking, just fills your mind with unnecessary noise.

Not to mention, competing with other men or people in general doesn’t actually help you grow. It only creates an unattainable standard.

For you and them.

Not comparing yourself includes you limiting your access to spaces that promote toxic ideals surrounding masculinity.

Foster a sense of gratitude within in order to help yourself see your own value on its own – without having to be better than or less than something else.

By shifting your focus inward, you will be able to celebrate your individuality. As well as concentrate on your progress rather than external benchmarks.

4) Taking action from a place of fear

Confident men confront challenges with courage.

Acting from a place of fear will lead to making decisions that avoid vulnerability and will be driven by self-doubt.

To cultivate better decision-making skills, acknowledge your fears beforehand. And don’t allow them to dictate your perceptions of what’s possible.

Facing challenges from a place of authenticity and witnessing yourself do so will foster resilience. 

And help you trust yourself more over time – you’ll recognize how there is so much strength in vulnerability.

From there on out, you will feel more comfortable challenging yourself in ways that do more than just reaffirm your ego.

5) Never challenging yourself

The point of challenging yourself is that it helps you grow.

And growth is supposed to be uncomfortable – especially emotionally. A lot of men neglect this because they are taught to think that having emotions equals weakness.

Acknowledge all the ways you portray this belief, and then make the necessary steps to grow in this direction.

For example, if sobriety is something you struggle with, replacing certain substances with genuine human connection can be a challenge to strive for.

You could also break it down to smaller challenges, and then learn how to relish the satisfaction of overcoming them.

The point is that you have the rest of your life to figure it all out, to comfortably approach each goal with your full attention.

6) Putting others down

Whether it’s in your mind, or in the things you say and do, being overly critical is a reflection of your relationship with yourself.

It’s all just projection. And putting others down to elevate yourself only keeps you from growing as a person.

Look inwards and try to figure out what is keeping you from showing up as a humble and respectful person.

You can do so by practicing and acknowledging your own accomplishments. Then creating a more positive environment inside your head.

Build yourself up from a genuine place, and you will see how easy it is to build others up. 

Remember that there is strength in unity, there are so many good qualities to notice in people.

7) Overthinking past mistakes

Constantly dwelling on the past will erode your confidence from the inside out.

It’s a form of perfectionism that will also keep you from growing. And the theme here is that growth and confidence are closely knit together.

Because true confidence happens when you accept imperfections, learn from missteps and move forward stronger.

The act of overthinking is also problematic because at some point, your brain will start making connections based on your low self-worth.

Meaning shame can make you feel like there’s lessons to be learned on how you can be more perfect.

This is where boundaries are really important within your own mind.

8) Lacking boundaries

Like I said above, boundaries can be between you and yourself. 

Where you decide to show yourself some grace and say “enough” when your thoughts become negative. I suggest meditation and even journaling as an outlet for these thoughts.

Boundaries can also be in the form of you standing up for yourself in your relationships.

For example, refusing to be in a relationship where you are expected to portray toxic gender roles.

I think especially for men, it’s important that they learn how to process their emotions and speak up in a non-volatile way.

It paves the way for them to practice self-care, but also for other genders to feel comfortable asserting their boundaries with them.

9) Neglecting self-care

Physical and mental well-being are both integral to genuine confidence. And a big part of that is rest!

So establish a consistent self-care routine that incorporates exercise, sleep, and mindfulness. 

They say it takes 21 days to make a habit – you could quite literally change your life in a month, simply by taking care of yourself.

Some men are afraid to have a skin-care routine, but what they don’t know is that they’re missing out.

Taking care of yourself physically in these delicate ways can be a transformative daily ritual, enhancing your self-confidence in ways you might not anticipate.

For example, helping you become more emotionally receptive because you are putting yourself first by choosing gentleness, instead of resorting to bottling it all up.

10) Being a poor communicator

This is especially for men who are interested in dating or starting families – relationships in general!

In order to feel truly confident and cultivate meaningful bonds, you have to communicate in a way that expresses your needs. 

Not just your desires.

That means being vulnerable and emotionally open to receiving help.

What I see a lot is that men will hide what they truly feel because they don’t want to appear unreliable. But really, they are being unreliable by not showing up authentically.

Sure, it helps to surround yourself with people who don’t put unnecessary pressures onto you. But it all starts with you.

Healthy relationships thrive on mutual understanding, so considering the help of a professional regarding this won’t make you weak – if anything it makes you proactive and self-aware.

11) Being afraid to ask for help

This is probably the most important one of all.

It’s no secret that men’s mental health isn’t prioritized in mainstream media. If you’re struggling, it can feel like there’s something wrong with you, when you’re just feeling human.

Like I mentioned above, seeking counseling can be a good start.

But also, know that mental wellness is beyond solutions – it’s a consistent practice.

So to really conquer loneliness and low self-esteem, you have to surround yourself with people who are emotionally available for you.

It’s within these connections that the strength to navigate difficulties and foster positive mental health is found – and how you will really learn to receive.

When you look at life as a big picture, confidence isn’t something you’ll get by tirelessly working for it.

It’s rather a balance between embracing new experiences and being able to recognize when your peace is being disrupted.

It might be jarring or difficult at first. But the more you stray from wanting to conform, the more you’ll feel at home in your own body.

Remember that you are a human being before you are a man, so treat yourself as someone who deserves to live like one.

Feeling Lost in Life? This Masterclass Reveals Your True Calling

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