If you recognize these 8 signs, you’d rather be alone than around people who don’t “get” you

When someone invites you to a party, what’s the first question you ask? 

Some people are always up for a party no matter what. For me though, I’ll always ask “Who’s going to be there?”

If my kind of people will be there, I’m down. If not, call me anti-social, but I’d rather be alone than around people who don’t “get” me. 

How about you? 

If you recognize these 8 signs then there’s a good chance you’d also rather be alone than around people who don’t “get” you 

Let’s jump in. 

1) You hate small talk

At a wedding recently, I got caught talking to an older gentleman, Joe. He was friends with the groom’s parents. Needless to say, we didn’t have much to chat about, it was just small talk.  

That didn’t stop Joe. He seemed to love small talk – I couldn’t get away from him. After 20 minutes, I made up some excuse about needing to wash my hands and left. I spent the rest of the evening avoiding him.  

Is there anything worse than small talk

It might be your colleague’s partner, your cousin’s new girlfriend or a friend of a friend. It doesn’t matter who it is, as soon as you realise you are being dragged into small talk, you start searching for a way out.

Sound familiar? 

If like me, you hate small talk, this is a clear sign you’d rather be alone than stuck small-talking with people who don’t ‘get you’. 

2) You look forward to alone time 

In my early 20s, my friend Gemma and I were inseparable, spending weekends in late bars or catching cheap flights around Europe. 

Gemma never wanted the fun to end. She’d always invite a group of us back to stay at hers or organise brunch the next morning. 

After a while, I realized that Gemma did these things because she didn’t want to be alone. I found this really strange. As much as I enjoyed spending time with my friends, I always looked forward to getting home and having some time alone. 

As it turns out: some people get their energy from other people, like Gemma. Others need time alone to re-energize, like me. 

Do you look forward to alone time or get your energy from other people?

Looking forward to alone time is a sign that you are more of an introvert, and can find being around others quite draining, especially those who don’t get you. So much so, you’d rather be alone. 

3) You have no interest in drama or gossip

Deuxmoi is an anonymous Instagram account that “to many, is the go-to source for pop culture” as outlined by Sky News

It first appeared in March 2020 and has since risen to over 2 million followers. They post things like celebrity sightings, behind-the-scenes stories and rumours of break-ups, make-ups and hook-ups. 

If you’re reading this thinking “I don’t care who cheated on who in Hollywood. Or who wore which designer at the MET Gala” I hear you. 

And it’s not just celebrity drama that bores you. You have no interest in being involved in any of the drama or gossip amongst your friends either. 

If this sounds like you, it’s pretty clear that you’ve no interest in drama or gossip and you’d much rather be alone than be surrounded by gossip-lovers and drama queens who think any of that matters.  

4) You love having time to just think

Would you rather sit alone with your thoughts for 10-20 minutes or receive a mild electric shock? 

The answer might seem obvious but in a study which tested exactly that, 67% of men and 25% of women chose the electric shock over simply sitting quietly with their thoughts. 

Are you as shocked as I was to hear this? Excuse the pun. 

In today’s world, with so much stimulation and cheap thrills readily available, being undistracted and free to just think is rare. But as we saw from the shock study, not everyone appreciates this. 

Is there anything better than a few hours on a train or plane with nothing but your thoughts and some time to think?

If you love having time to think without any distractions, then it’s a sure sign you’re someone who’d rather spend time alone than with others who can’t appreciate some quiet time.

5) You don’t feel lonely

In the US and Canada, 33% of people feel lonely at least some of the time. But not you? 

People like you, who would rather be alone than spend time with people who just don’t get them, don’t really feel lonely. In fact, your alone time re-energizes you. 

On the other hand: overdoing it on social interactions makes you feel exhausted and drains you of energy. You need your alone time to feel yourself again. 

And as a result, you are one of the lucky ones in that you never really feel lonely.

6) You prefer to work alone

“When you ask people if they prefer to work alone or with others around, the majority clearly prefers to have others around. Only 14.2% clearly prefer working alone” as noted by JobEQ.

You are part of that 14.2% 

Although capable of working as part of a time or within an office environment you are most at home, well, at home. You don’t need others to motivate you or energize you. You find it easier to focus alone and you get more done. 

If you prefer to work alone, it’s not all that surprising that you’d rather be alone than around people you don’t feel like you fit in with. 

7) You don’t feel the need to abide by society’s rules

Have you ever noticed that society has all of these unspoken rules we’re supposed to live by?

  • Meet ‘the one’ in your 20s.
  • Be married with a kid on the way by 35. 
  • Get that mortgage locked in ASAP 
  • Have your career all figured out by 40. 

Most people follow the rules using the principle of social proof – “if other people do it, it means it’s right. Right?” as author and psychologist Rob Henderson puts it. 

Here’s the kicker: you probably haven’t noticed these rules because you don’t feel the need to abide by what society tells us. You’re comfortable being different and paving your path. 

No matter how many times your mom asks if you’ve “met anyone nice yet?” or how many times your family tells you that “travelling the world taking photographs is not a secure career”, you don’t care. 

You’re happy following your own rules and you are absolutely fine keeping your own company instead of trying to convince others, who don’t get you, of your way of life. 

8) You’re comfortable doing things alone

You’re one of these people who if you want to do something, you’ll do it. You don’t need to wait for someone else to go along with you. 

Sure, you’re happy to have friends or family join you if they want to. But if no one else is down, you’ll happily do it by yourself.

Sound like you? 

It could be something small like you want to try out a new restaurant and no one is free this weekend. Or something bigger such as a trip you’ve been wanting to take but your travel buddy backed out at the last minute. You go anyway. 

Being comfortable doing things alone is a superpower. You get the chance to experience life to the fullest without relying on other people to hold your hand. 

And the best part: if you haven’t found your tribe yet, you’re happy enough to go it alone rather than waste any time around people who just don’t get you. 

Final thoughts

How many of these resonate with you?

If you recognize some of these signs in yourself then there’s a good chance you’re part of the crew that would rather be alone than around people that just don’t “get” you. 

The thing is: a lot of people don’t understand this mindset. Society favors people who love to be around other people (a.k.a extroverts), as outlined by best-selling author, Susan Cain

Always remember:  it’s okay to embrace that alone time and enjoy your life the way you want to. 

Struggling to Love Yourself? This Quiz Reveals Why and Shows You How

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Cat Harper

Cat is an experienced Sales and Enablement professional turned writer whose passions span from psychology and relationships to continuous self-improvement, lifelong learning and pushing back on societal expectations to forge a life she loves. An avid traveler and adventure sports enthusiast, in her downtime you'll find Cat snowboarding, motorcycling or working on her latest self-development project.

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