If someone unconsciously does these 7 things, they don’t really want to be in a relationship

Relationships are a dance of connection and understanding, aren’t they? Sometimes, though, we find ourselves moving to a rhythm that feels a bit off. 

A few years back, I dated someone who seemed perfect on paper – we shared interests, laughter, and memorable moments. Yet, deep down, something felt amiss.

 It took a while, but I eventually realized: he simply wasn’t ready for a relationship. 

I’m not here to demonize him – after all, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship.

But if you find yourself in the same position as me, it’s good to be able to recognize the signs if they’re not able to be upfront with you yourself, for your own protection.

So let’s have a look at 7 things people may unconsciously do when they don’t really want to be in a relationship.

1) They don’t prioritize you

In any relationship, feeling like a priority is like a warm, reassuring embrace. But what if you often find yourself on the backburner? 

This was a recurring theme with the guy I dated. We had a great connection, but when it came to making plans or spending time together, I was often an afterthought.

I remember organizing my schedule to make time for him, yet he rarely reciprocated. Whether it was last-minute cancellations or simply not making plans until everything else in his life was sorted, the message was clear – I wasn’t high on his list of priorities.

It wasn’t about grand gestures or constant attention; it was the subtle, consistent signs that I wasn’t a significant part of his daily life. 

He would often take a long time to respond to messages even when he didn’t have anything urgent going on, and it felt like it was always me suggesting getting together. 

Remember, someone who values you and is ready for a relationship will make space for you in their life, not just after they’ve figured out all their other plans.

2) They keep mingling with other potential partners

Now, this sign is a little hard to pin down, because there’s a big risk of jumping to conclusions or letting jealousy get the best of us. 

How do you know if your partner is talking to others because they’re friendly and it’s purely platonic, or their mind and emotions are wandering?

For me, it was the little comments and hints my ex dropped. He would often compliment other girls’ appearance to my face in a way that showed me he liked them sexually. 

He spent practically just as much time with his other female friends as with me — and he once invited one of them over while he and I were hanging out, without thinking twice. 

It’s important not to read too much into details that might not mean anything — but also, don’t ignore signs if your intuition is raising alarm bells. 

Ask yourself if your fear might come from some past trauma or personal insecurity, or if it’s due to tangible behaviors you see in this person. 

It might take some time for the two of you to adjust to each other and solidify your exclusivity, but remember this: your partner should be someone who makes you feel comfortable and above all, special to them. 

3) They don’t seem to want to make plans

A relationship should feel like a shared journey, with both partners excited about plotting the course ahead. However, when someone is reluctant to make plans, it can be a subtle indicator that they’re not fully invested. This was a lesson I learned the hard way.

In my past relationship, I noticed an unmistakable pattern: I was always the one initiating plans. Whether it was a simple coffee date or thinking about a weekend getaway, it felt like I was steering the ship alone. 

His responses were often non-committal, filled with “maybes” and “we’ll sees.”

This reluctance extended beyond short-term plans. Discussions about future events or possibilities were met with vague responses. 

It wasn’t about a fear of commitment to events or dates; it seemed more like a hesitation to invest in our shared future.

When someone is genuinely interested in a relationship, they contribute to building shared experiences and memories. Their excitement to spend time with you translates into action. 

4) Overemphasis on physical intimacy

In a genuine relationship, physical intimacy is one (very fun) piece of a larger puzzle. It’s about connecting on multiple levels – emotionally, intellectually, and yes, physically. 

However, when someone is not ready for the full spectrum of a relationship, they might lean excessively on the physical aspect.

This imbalance can be subtle at first. It might feel flattering or exciting, and hey, it could be a sign of great chemistry — enjoy this rose-colored-glasses phase to the fullest!

But over time, the lack of depth becomes apparent. The “outside” elements of a relationship – the shared interests, the mutual support, the everyday joys and struggles – remain unexplored. 

If you notice that your interactions are predominantly physical, and attempts to deepen the relationship are met with resistance or avoidance, it could be a sign that the other person isn’t looking for the comprehensive, multi-dimensional connection that defines a true relationship.

To see if that’s the case, you could try planning an activity in public where physical intimacy isn’t possible, and see how they react. 

5) Avoiding physical affection in public

While someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship may focus excessively on physical intimacy, this is usually reserved just for private settings. 

On the other hand, you may find them to be rather distant in public — both emotionally and physically.

This is exactly what my experience was. In fact, my ex and I were barely even physical in private. For a long time, I wasn’t even sure if he wanted to date me or not — I thought perhaps we’re just two people who enjoy spending time together.

But it was clear he didn’t want me to date anyone else. At the same time, even after we verbally agreed we were going out, he didn’t become much more affectionate. 

This is rather an extreme case that I still don’t fully understand today — but the gist of it is that people who don’t want relationships will avoid giving the impression that they are one.

This could be because they want to look “available” to other potential partners, or they’re uncomfortable with others believing they’re in a relationship with anyone at all. 

Either way, you deserve someone who truly wants to be with you and is proud to show it.

6) They don’t put effort to work on problems

Contrary to what Hollywood and fairy tales portray, we all know relationships come with their set of problems. 

When someone wants to be in a relationship, they accept this, and they’re willing to work on them. It’s an opportunity to grow and strengthen the bond. 

Now, this doesn’t mean everyone is immediately good at this — some conflicts can go more constructively than others, and we all let our emotions get the better of us from time to time. 

But overall, they show a willingness to keep at it and stick around despite not everything being a bed of roses. 

If you notice that your partner is consistently reluctant to work through conflicts or address concerns, it becomes a worrying pattern. 

This avoidance often stems from a desire to keep things superficial and uncomplicated, a mindset not conducive to the depth and resilience required in a long-term relationship.

And sadly, this is a very clear predictor of relationship failure. Because you can overcome nearly anything with good communication and a willingness to work on things. 

Make sure you find a partner who’s just as invested in that as you are. 

7) They’re not emotionally available

When someone isn’t emotionally available in a relationship, it can feel like there’s an invisible wall between you and them. 

It’s not about the big, dramatic moments, but rather the smaller, everyday interactions where this lack of availability is most apparent. 

You might share your day’s highs and lows, only to receive noncommittal responses in return. Or you look for comfort or understanding during tough times and find them distant or disengaged.

This unavailability isn’t always intentional or malicious. It could stem from personal barriers or past experiences. However, its impact on a relationship is significant. 

Emotional availability is the glue that binds the relationship together, allowing for a deeper connection beyond just shared interests or physical attraction. It’s about being present, not just in the same room, but with your feelings and attentiveness.

Without these things, it’s not only challenging to feel truly connected and valued — it’s practically impossible to have a relationship to begin with. 

Recognizing when it’s not meant to be

In conclusion, understanding someone’s readiness for a relationship is as crucial as recognizing your own. 

These signs aren’t just red flags; they’re reminders of the importance of mutual commitment, effort, and emotional investment in a relationship. 

If these signs resonate with you, it might be time to reflect on what you truly want and deserve. Remember, it’s not about forcing a connection but about finding someone whose readiness aligns with yours. 

Here’s to finding a relationship that celebrates and embraces both partners fully, in all aspects of togetherness.

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