Just as we all have a past, we also have a parenting history that has shaped us significantly.
You may recall your childhood as one of strict rules, high expectations, and little room for error, or perhaps you’re uncertain if your upbringing was particularly rigid or simply par for the course.
How can you tell if you were raised by strict parents or if your recollections are just the usual blend of freedom and discipline that most kids experience?
After much introspection, and drawing from numerous conversations with friends about our collective upbringings, I have compiled a list of 7 habits that you might recognize if you grew up in a strict household. Should these habits feel all too familiar, it might be time to acknowledge the impact of your upbringing and understand how it continues to influence your life today.
1) Perfectionism is your middle name
Growing up with strict parents often means growing up with high expectations. As a child, you likely felt that anything less than perfect was unacceptable. This could range from getting top grades, always having a neat and tidy bedroom, to never missing a piano practice.
Those raised in such an environment often internalize these expectations and carry them into adulthood. You might find yourself constantly striving for perfection, whether it’s in your career, personal projects, or even mundane day-to-day tasks.
Here’s an interesting fact: Research has established a connection between perfectionism and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), encompassing trauma, neglect, abuse, and family dysfunction. It’s important to remember that nobody is perfect, and it’s okay to make mistakes.
2) You might be a master at procrastination
This may seem counterintuitive. After all, wouldn’t children of strict parents be disciplined and always on top of their tasks? Not necessarily.
Under continuous pressure to perform, children often develop a fear of failure. This fear can be so overwhelming that it leads to avoidance and procrastination. You might find yourself putting off tasks because you’re worried they won’t be perfect, or because the pressure to succeed feels too great.
In adulthood, this can translate into missed deadlines, unfinished projects, and an underlying feeling of stress and anxiety. The key here is to recognize this habit, understand where it comes from, and work on adopting healthier approaches to managing tasks and handling pressure.
3) You have a heightened sensitivity to criticism
If you were raised by strict parents, their critique – whether constructive or not – likely played a significant role in your upbringing. As a result, you might have developed a heightened sensitivity to any form of criticism, even when it’s meant to be helpful.
In your adult life, this might manifest as defensiveness or a tendency to shut down when receiving feedback. You may also find yourself overanalyzing comments or advice from others, perceiving them as personal attacks rather than opportunities for growth.
Recognizing this sensitivity is the first step to overcoming it. It’s important to remember that criticism is often a tool for improvement, not an indictment of your worth or abilities.
4) You’re a stickler for punctuality
Being raised in an environment that values punctuality can significantly shape an individual’s time-related habits and attitudes.
The case for this behavior is grounded in the learned importance of respecting others‘ time and commitments. Punctuality is often seen as a sign of responsibility, reliability, and consideration for the schedules of those around you.
When you’ve been brought up in an environment that prioritizes punctuality, you internalize these values, making a concerted effort to honor your commitments and respect the time of others.
Moreover, the frustration or impatience that may arise when others don’t share the same commitment to punctuality stems from a genuine respect for the value of time.
From a perspective shaped by a punctuality-oriented upbringing, delays or tardiness can be perceived as a disregard for the shared understanding that time is a precious and limited resource.
5) You struggle with expressing emotion
Growing up under the influence of strict parents can indeed present challenges in expressing emotions. The environment shaped by strict parenting often emphasizes discipline, control, and adherence to rules, sometimes at the expense of open emotional expression.
In such households, there may be a focus on maintaining composure, following guidelines, and avoiding displays of vulnerability.
As a result, individuals raised in this setting may find it challenging to articulate and share their emotions openly. Expressing feelings might be perceived as a deviation from the established norms, potentially leading to a sense of discomfort or fear of disapproval.
Some individuals raised by strict parents may find it difficult to identify and label their emotions accurately. Others might internalize their feelings, keeping them hidden to conform to the expectations of the environment they were brought up in. It’s a subtle struggle, one that often leads to a complex relationship with our own emotions.
6) You might be overly independent
At first glance, independence seems like a positive trait. And indeed, it is. However, when it’s born out of necessity rather than personal choice, it can become a double-edged sword.
A child raised under the watchful eyes of strict parents tends to rely on themselves from an early age, according to experts. Instead of asking for help when they need it, they might choose to figure things out on their own to avoid potential criticism or disappointment.
In adulthood, this can lead to an inability to ask for help when you need it, even in situations that clearly warrant assistance.
You might convince yourself that you can handle everything alone, thereby missing out on the support and collaboration that come with interdependence.
7) You’re always prepared for the worst
Growing up with strict parents often means being constantly aware of the consequences of your actions. As a result, you might have developed a keen ability to anticipate the worst-case scenario in any given situation.
This can lead to a tendency to overthink and worry excessively in adulthood. You might find yourself always preparing for the worst, even in situations where it’s unlikely or unnecessary.
While it’s good to be prepared, it’s also important to remember that not every situation will result in the worst possible outcome. Recognizing this habit and working on adopting a more balanced approach to life’s uncertainties can help alleviate unnecessary stress and anxiety.
Embracing the journey of self-knowledge
We often let our upbringing, our parents’ expectations, and societal norms define who we are and how we behave. But beneath all these layers, there’s a unique individual with their own dreams, desires, and values. And this is who you truly are.
The journey of self-knowledge involves challenging the beliefs and behaviors you’ve inherited from your upbringing. It involves questioning whether these habits truly align with who you are or if they’re merely remnants of your past. This is not a process that happens overnight. It requires patience, bravery, and a lot of introspection.
So if you’ve recognized yourself in these 7 habits, take it as an opportunity. An opportunity to get to know yourself better, to grow, and to redefine who you are beyond your upbringing. Embrace this journey with open arms and an open heart. For it’s through understanding ourselves that we gain the power to shape our lives in a way that truly reflects who we are.
Just launched: The Vessel’s Youtube Channel
Explore our first video: The Brain Beneath Our Feet — a short-film by shaman Rudá Iandê that challenges where we believe intelligence comes from.
Instead of looking to the stars or machines, Rudá invites us to consider that the first great mind on Earth may have existed without a brain at all… and that the oldest form of thought might be living beneath our feet.
Watch Now:
