People who struggle to feel proud of themselves often fall into these 7 hidden habits

I remember a morning a few years ago when I finished my yoga practice, sat down to meditate, and realized my thoughts were spinning in circles.

I felt oddly disappointed in myself, like I hadn’t lived up to some invisible standard that day.

It struck me that my sense of self-worth was too tangled up in external benchmarks.

I started noticing habits that crept in whenever I felt less than proud of who I was.

That’s what we’ll explore together here.

Below are seven hidden habits I’ve seen in people who struggle to recognize their own value.

Some of them have shown up in my life, and perhaps they might reveal themselves in yours too.

My hope is that by naming these habits, we can start releasing them.

Because feeling proud of ourselves shouldn’t be a luxury—it’s part of embracing a healthier, more mindful way of being.

1. Overthinking every decision

When confidence wavers, it’s easy to get lost in overthinking.

I used to agonize over small choices like which tea brand to buy or how to phrase a message.

You might wonder: Why does making simple decisions suddenly feel like life-or-death?

Insecurity silently drives this habit.

We feel if we choose the “wrong” thing, it confirms our fear that we can’t be trusted with our own choices.

Instead of moving forward, we freeze.

After all, if we don’t decide, we can’t fail, right?

But that limbo eventually breeds more anxiety, fueling the cycle of self-doubt.

When I caught myself spiraling in indecision, I started setting small deadlines for daily tasks.

Deciding within a given time frame forced me to trust my gut.

It also showed me that in most cases, there are no perfect decisions—just reasonable ones.

Consider applying small deadlines to daily or weekly decisions.

It may feel awkward at first, yet it can help quiet the overthinking voice and free you to act with intention.

2. Apologizing for everything

We’ve all met someone who says “sorry” in every other sentence.

There’s a big difference between genuine remorse and a habit of constant self-blame.

People who can’t feel proud of themselves sometimes believe everything must be their fault.

They apologize for speaking up too loudly or for having an opinion.

I once spent an entire holiday weekend apologizing to relatives—sometimes just for occupying space in the room.

It was exhausting, and I didn’t realize how it signaled a deeper lack of self-assurance.

The fear of not being liked or of making a wrong move can push us to say “sorry” as a protective measure.

We want everyone’s approval, hoping it will soothe our own insecurities.

Yet, that endless loop of apologies can drain the energy out of our interactions.

The moment I replaced “sorry” with “thank you”—like saying “Thank you for waiting,” instead of “Sorry I’m late”—my mindset shifted.

I began to see that I’m not an inconvenience simply for existing.

Next time you catch yourself apologizing for something insignificant, pause.

Ask if there’s a more constructive way to respond.

Because there’s power in language, especially in how we talk about ourselves.

3. Hiding accomplishments

Those who struggle to feel proud often downplay any success.

They might mention a personal win in a hushed tone, then immediately brush it off.

I’ve noticed this is a sneaky way we rob ourselves of the acknowledgement we crave.

It’s almost like we believe we haven’t “earned” the right to be proud.

Or we assume celebrating a success will invite judgment from others.

But consider the impact of never owning your achievements.

It teaches you to focus on what’s lacking instead of the progress you’ve made.

When this habit takes hold, one strategy is to keep a small achievements journal.

Writing down what you did well—even if it’s a small victory—begins to shift your internal narrative.

I’ll drop a few examples to consider, woven into a single bullet list:

• Completed a difficult project at work without burning out

• Cooked a healthy meal instead of ordering takeout

• Spoke up in a meeting or family gathering

Reading over these bullet points every so often can rekindle a sense of healthy pride.

Research indicates that consistently celebrating small successes can boost self-esteem over time.

It might feel strange at first, but you’ll gradually see how acknowledging your own effort fuels self-respect.

4. Seeking validation in social media likes

Many of us post updates in search of validation.

One “like” quickly isn’t enough, so we post more, chasing that little hit of approval.

It can turn into a cycle where our moods hinge on virtual feedback.

I remember a phase when I’d gauge my self-worth by how many likes my yoga photos received.

If fewer people clicked the heart button, I took it personally.

That’s a recipe for a fragile sense of confidence.

When you place too much weight on social media metrics, your pride in yourself depends on external validation.

This can lead to destructive comparison and even envy.

According to a study, practicing mindfulness around our tech habits can reduce stress and improve overall well-being.

Setting boundaries—like limiting how often you check notifications—can help you reclaim a sense of internal security.

Think about sharing updates or photos simply because they make you happy, not because you need the reassurance.

And when you catch yourself refreshing your feed every five seconds, gently step away.

A simple, mindful pause can help you refocus on real-world connections.

5. Sabotaging personal goals

People who aren’t proud of themselves often don’t allow themselves to succeed fully.

Self-sabotage can show up as procrastination, avoiding important tasks, or even picking fights that derail progress.

It’s almost like we tell ourselves, “If I don’t even try, I can’t be disappointed.”

I recall a time when I’d skip key networking opportunities because deep down, I felt I didn’t deserve them.

This kind of sabotage keeps us stuck and then reinforces our belief that we aren’t capable.

There’s a concept in psychology known as the “upper limit problem,” which refers to our unconscious barrier that prevents us from enjoying bigger successes.

We can become so used to feeling small that genuine achievement feels uncomfortable.

A tip I found helpful was setting very clear, measurable goals and sharing them with someone supportive, like a friend or partner.

When accountability enters the picture, it’s harder to hide from your goals.

And the next time you notice yourself sabotaging an opportunity, take a breath and ask: “What am I protecting myself from?”

Often, the answer reveals hidden fears.

That clarity can help you push through the self-doubt and learn to celebrate wins without guilt.

6. Dismissing compliments

A sure sign of someone who can’t feel proud is their inability to accept praise.

When friends or colleagues say, “Great job on that presentation,” a typical response might be, “Oh, it was nothing,” or “I messed up so many times.”

This habit stems from deep-rooted beliefs that we don’t deserve positive feedback.

When I first started writing, I’d instantly deflect any compliments on my articles.

It felt more comfortable to focus on the flaws than to take in the praise.

That might seem harmless, but over time, we teach our minds that compliments don’t fit our self-image.

We effectively reject the possibility of being proud.

Dr. Gabor Maté often talks about how self-rejection can be a byproduct of unresolved past experiences, including childhood conditioning.

Learning to welcome compliments is like building a new emotional muscle.

Practice responding with a simple “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

You might still feel the urge to minimize your contribution, but try to resist it.

Receiving praise with gratitude doesn’t make you arrogant; it makes you open to recognizing your own strengths.

7. Ruminating on perceived failures

Failures happen, no question about it.

The habit of rumination—replaying mistakes endlessly—can keep people from seeing how far they’ve come.

We assume one mistake defines our entire identity.

I’ve found that rumination often flares up in moments of stress, when we feel vulnerable or uncertain about the future.

According to a report, mindfulness-based practices can interrupt these negative thought loops by teaching us to observe thoughts without judgment.

In my own life, I turn to breathing exercises and short meditations when I notice I’m spiraling into negative self-talk.

Even a few conscious breaths can soften that tight feeling in the chest.

You might also consider journaling about what you learned from a disappointment, then closing that chapter.

Let’s not miss this final point: dwelling on failures is rarely productive.

Reflection is helpful, but rumination keeps us stuck.

Our sense of pride grows when we transform missteps into lessons rather than permanent labels.

Final thoughts

Personal pride is like a steady flame—it thrives on oxygen, not on someone else’s approval.

Each of these habits—overthinking, constant apologizing, hiding wins, social media validation, self-sabotage, dismissing compliments, and ruminating on failures—dampen the flame.

But they’re also invitations to become more self-aware.

I’m reminded of a quote from Mark Manson, who once wrote that taking responsibility for our lives means accepting that we hold the power to make changes.

I’ve seen that truth in my own journey with minimalism and daily mindfulness.

It’s not an overnight fix.

It’s a habit of choosing growth every day.

If any of these hidden habits feel familiar, take a moment to notice them, but don’t let them define you.

You can start shifting them by taking small steps like setting boundaries on social media, embracing accountability, or simply saying “Thank you” when someone offers a genuine compliment.

The path to feeling proud of ourselves is ongoing, and it’s open to every single one of us.