There’s a significant difference between demanding affection and earning it, especially when it comes to your children.
Demanding affection is all about imposing your desires on your children, often without considering their feelings.
Earning affection, on the other hand, is about demonstrating through your actions that you’re deserving of their love and respect.
If you want to feel more loved by your children as you get older, there are certain behaviors you need to say goodbye to.
Trust me, ditching these seven behaviors can make a world of difference in your relationship with your kids.
1) Being overly critical
There’s a clear difference between constructive criticism and constant nitpicking.
As a parent, your main role is to guide and support your children, not to belittle them at every turn.
Constant criticism can erode your relationship over time, creating a barrier between you and your children.
It can make them feel like they’re never good enough, which can be incredibly damaging to their self-esteem.
Everyone makes mistakes, and how you react to your child’s mistakes can leave a lasting impact.
Instead of constantly criticizing, try to offer constructive feedback.
Show them where they went wrong and guide them on how they can do better next time.
Letting go of this habit of being overly critical is the first step towards earning more love and respect from your children as you grow older.
2) Ignoring their interests
I’ve personally learned that taking an interest in your children’s hobbies and passions can significantly improve your relationship.
Let me share a personal experience: My daughter has always been fascinated with astronomy.
At first, I didn’t really understand her interest.
I mean, I could appreciate a beautiful night sky, but beyond that, it all seemed a bit over my head.
But, one day, she asked me to join her for a stargazing event at her school.
I decided to go along, not expecting much.
To my surprise, I found myself genuinely interested and engaged.
It was a breakthrough moment for us.
She felt seen and appreciated, and it opened up a whole new avenue of conversation between us.
If you want to feel more loved by your children as you get older, take genuine interest in their passions.
You might be surprised by how much you enjoy it—and how much it brings you closer.
3) Neglecting to express your love
One common theme among families with strong, loving relationships is that the parents consistently expressed their love for their children.
This doesn’t just mean saying “I love you”.
It’s about showing your love through your actions.
Small gestures like a hug, a note in their lunchbox, or even just spending quality time together can make a world of difference.
Your children might not always show it, but they need to feel loved and appreciated.
The more you express your love, the more loved you’ll feel in return.
4) Being dismissive
Being dismissive of your children’s feelings or ideas can create a sense of disconnect between you.
Children, just like adults, want to be heard and understood.
If they feel like their thoughts and emotions are constantly brushed aside, they may start to withdraw, creating an emotional distance.
Instead, try to validate their feelings.
Let them know it’s okay to feel the way they do and that their opinions matter.
Engage in open conversations where they can feel safe expressing themselves.
Letting go of dismissive behavior and embracing open communication can help you earn more love from your children as you age.
5) Not apologizing when you’re wrong
I recall a time when I lost my temper with my son over something trivial.
I could see the hurt in his eyes, but my pride got in the way of apologizing immediately.
A few days later, I realized how much that incident had affected our relationship.
He was distant and less open towards me.
So, I sat him down, admitted my mistake and asked for his forgiveness.
It wasn’t easy to do, but the relief on his face was worth it.
Our relationship began to improve after that, and it taught me the importance of admitting when I’m wrong.
Parents are human, and we make mistakes.
However, owning up to them and apologizing can teach our children a valuable lesson in humility and respect.
This can also help in strengthening the bond between you and your children as you age.
6) Overstepping boundaries
As your children grow older and become more independent, it’s crucial to respect their boundaries.
This can be challenging, especially if you’re used to being involved in every aspect of their lives, but overstepping these boundaries can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration in your children.
They might feel like you don’t trust them or respect their autonomy.
If you want to feel more loved by your children as you age, it’s important to give them the space they need to grow and make their own decisions.
This not only shows them that you respect them as individuals but also helps foster a healthier relationship between you.
7) Failing to lead by example
Your children learn more from what you do than from what you say.
If you want them to respect, value, and love you as you age, it’s essential to model the behavior and values you wish them to adopt.
This means living with integrity, showing kindness and empathy, admitting when you’re wrong, and treating others with respect.
By setting a positive example, your children are more likely to reflect these behaviors back towards you as they grow older.
Leading by example is perhaps the most powerful way to influence your children’s feelings towards you.
It’s a lifelong commitment that can reap profound rewards in your relationship with your children.
Final thoughts: It’s all about connection
The dynamics of parent-child relationships can be complex, influenced by a myriad of factors including our actions, attitudes, and even our unspoken emotions.
One universal truth is that every child longs for a strong, loving connection with their parents.
This doesn’t change as we age, it just evolves.
The behaviors we’ve talked about here are not just about earning more love from your children.
They’re about building and maintaining that deep, enduring connection that sustains through the ups and downs of life.
Whether it’s showing genuine interest in their passions, or admitting when we’re wrong, these behaviors communicate to our children that we value and respect them as individuals.
They also model the kind of behavior we hope they’ll emulate as they navigate their own relationships in life.
As you reflect on your own behaviors and what you might want to change, remember that it’s never too late.
Every day presents a new opportunity to make those slight changes that could make all the difference in feeling more loved by your children as you get older.
Just launched: Laughing in the Face of Chaos by Rudá Iandê
Feel like you’ve done the inner work—but still feel off?
Maybe you’ve explored your personality type, rewritten your habits, even dipped your toes into mindfulness or therapy. But underneath it all, something’s still… stuck. Like you’re living by scripts you didn’t write. Like your “growth” has quietly become another performance.
This book is for that part of you.
In Laughing in the Face of Chaos, Brazilian shaman Rudá Iandê dismantles the myths we unknowingly inherit—from our families, cultures, religions, and the self-help industry itself. With irreverent wisdom and piercing honesty, he’ll help you see the invisible programs running your life… and guide you into reclaiming what’s real, raw, and yours.
No polished “5-step” formula. No chasing perfection. Just the unfiltered, untamed path to becoming who you actually are—underneath the stories.
