Are you a people-pleaser? 8 signs you have trouble saying “no”

Ever feel like you’re always the one who says “yes” to everything?

You’re not alone.

A lot of us find it hard to tell people “no,” even when we really want to.

But this habit of always trying to please others can leave us feeling tired, ignored, and dissatisfied with ourselves. 

There’s a name for this – people pleasing.

And if you’re worried you’re a people pleaser, you’re in the right place. Here are 8 signs you have trouble saying “no”. 

1) You constantly feel overwhelmed

It’s a common scene for many people-pleasers.

You’re juggling several tasks at once, trying to meet everyone’s demands, and yet, you can’t help but add another task to your already overflowing plate.

Why?

Because someone asked and you couldn’t bring yourself to say ‘no’.

Being busy is one thing, but if you’re constantly feeling overwhelmed because you’re taking on too much, it’s a clear sign that you’re struggling with saying ‘no’. 

Think about it this way – when you’re going above and beyond to help others, you’re disregarding your own needs. 

It’s okay to put your needs first sometimes.

And saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human.

2) You’re always the ‘go-to’ person

A while back, I noticed a pattern.

My phone was always ringing, my inbox was always full, and my door was always knocked on.

It seemed like whenever something needed to be done, I was the first person people would turn to.

“Can you help me with this report?”

“Can you attend this meeting in my place?”

“Can you help me move this weekend?”

The requests were endless.

And I would always say ‘yes’, without giving it a second thought.

It took me some time to realize that I had become the ‘go-to’ person not because I was the only capable one, but because I was the one who wouldn’t say ‘no’.

Being reliable is a good thing, but if you’re always the one people turn to simply because they know you won’t refuse, it’s a sign that you’re having trouble setting boundaries.

Saying ‘no’ might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s necessary for your own well-being.

3) You feel guilty for taking time for yourself

If you’re a people-pleaser, taking time for yourself often feels like a luxury you can’t afford. You might even feel guilty for prioritizing yourself over others.

But here’s the thing: self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.

Just like how a car can’t run on an empty tank, you can’t be there for others if you’re running on fumes.

You need to recharge and rejuvenate.

If you’re feeling guilty for taking time for yourself, it’s a clear sign that you have trouble saying ‘no’. 

I know guilt is a tricky feeling to grapple with. But the best way to overcome that feeling is to get educated on the importance of self-care.

You’ll quickly realize just how important and unselfish it actually is. 

4) Your self-worth is tied to others’ approval

Here’s something to ponder on…

Are you often seeking validation from others?

Does your sense of self-worth fluctuate based on others’ opinions or approval of you?

If your answer is ‘yes’, then you might be a people-pleaser.

You see, people-pleasers often equate their value to how much they can do for others.

They feel good when they’re needed and appreciated, but this can lead to an unhealthy dependency on others for validation.

It’s important to know that your worth isn’t determined by how many favors you can do or how many tasks you can juggle at once.

It’s about who you are as a person.

Your ability to say ‘no’ doesn’t diminish your value. In fact, it shows that you respect your own boundaries and value your own time. 

5) You often feel resentment

Let’s be real for a moment – if you’re always saying ‘yes’ and bending over backward to please others, resentment is bound to creep in.

You might start to feel frustrated and unappreciated, especially when your efforts go unnoticed or when others take advantage of your kindness.

And you know what?

Resentment is a pretty clear sign that you’re overextending yourself.

It’s your mind’s way of telling you that something isn’t right.

If you find yourself feeling resentful more often than not, it might be because you’re saying ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘no’.

It’s time to take a step back and reevaluate how you’re spending your time and energy. Ultimately, it’s okay to say ‘no’ if something isn’t serving your interests or aligning with your values.

6) You struggle to express your true feelings

This one hits close to home for a lot of us.

Often as a people-pleaser, you might find yourself suppressing your true feelings in an effort to avoid conflict or keep the peace.

You might agree with someone, even if you don’t really, just to avoid an argument.

But here’s the thing:

Your feelings are valid. Your opinions matter.

And it’s okay to voice them, even if they might not align with everyone else’s.

This is something I had to spend a long time learning – it’s okay to disagree. It’s okay to have a different opinion. And most importantly, it’s okay to say ‘no’. 

7) You lack personal time and space

A few years ago, I noticed that my calendar was filled with commitments to others, but there was very little time left for me.

My days were packed with tasks I had agreed to do for others, leaving me exhausted and with no personal time or space.

This constant state of busyness wasn’t because I had too much on my plate, but because I had too much on my plate that belonged to others.

In other words, I was prioritizing other people’s needs and wants over my own.

If your calendar looks like mine did, filled with commitments to others with barely any time left for yourself, it’s another sign that you’re a people-pleaser.

I can’t stress this one enough:

It’s important to have time where you can relax, recharge, and do things that you love. 

8) You often feel unappreciated

This is a tough one.

When you’re always saying ‘yes’ and going the extra mile for others, it can feel disheartening when your efforts go unnoticed or unappreciated.

You might start questioning whether all your hard work and sacrifice is worth it.

This is where resentment creeps in, as I mentioned before. 

I noticed a while back that I was feeling this way toward my friend. I don’t think he was intentionally piling things onto me, but I was enabling him and taking on more than I could handle. 

I realized that I could either continue this way and potentially ruin the friendship, or speak up, set some boundaries, and create a healthier friendship. 

I’m glad I chose the second option because he was completely mortified when I explained how I’d been feeling. He didn’t realize I was overdoing myself so much (not just with him, but with other friends too). 

So if you’ve recognized yourself in these signs, take it as a gentle nudge to start focusing on your own needs and boundaries.

Saying ‘no’ isn’t a rejection of others, but an affirmation of self.

In the end, it’s all about finding that balance between being there for others and being there for yourself. Because you matter too. And your needs are just as important.