I was sitting in a coffee shop last month when I noticed something odd.
A woman at the next table kept pausing mid-conversation to write in a small notebook. Not her phone. An actual notebook. Her friend didn’t seem bothered by these interruptions. In fact, she waited patiently each time, as if this was completely normal.
Later, I learned that woman was a therapist known for her exceptional ability to connect with people. That notebook habit? It was just one of many unusual practices that set emotionally intelligent people apart from the rest of us. They don’t follow the typical playbook. They’ve developed their own quirky systems that might look strange from the outside but work remarkably well.
1. They schedule time to feel their feelings
Most people try to power through emotions or push them aside when inconvenient. But people with high emotional intelligence do something that sounds almost mechanical. They block out time in their calendar specifically to process what they’re feeling.
I started doing this myself after reading Rudá Iandê’s book “Laughing in the Face of Chaos: A Politically Incorrect Shamanic Guide for Modern Life”. Rudá is the founder of The Vessel, the site you’re reading right now, and his insights on emotional processing completely shifted how I approach my inner world. One line from the book that stuck with me: “Our emotions are not barriers, but profound gateways to the soul—portals to the vast, uncharted landscapes of our inner being.”
Instead of waiting for emotions to overwhelm me at random moments, I set aside fifteen minutes each evening. Sometimes I journal. Sometimes I just sit quietly and name what I’m feeling. It sounds clinical, but giving emotions dedicated space prevents them from hijacking the rest of my day.
2. They maintain a “curiosity list” about people
Here’s where things get genuinely weird. Some emotionally intelligent people keep running lists of questions about the people in their lives. Not gossip or judgments. Genuine questions.
Why does my colleague always deflect when talking about her family? What makes my friend light up when discussing architecture but shut down around career talk? These aren’t questions they necessarily ask out loud. They’re observations that keep them engaged and curious rather than making assumptions.
This habit prevents the complacency that kills most relationships. When you’re actively curious, you can’t slip into thinking you already know everything about someone.
3. They practice strategic vulnerability
Emotionally intelligent people share personal information in a way that seems calculated, because it is. They’re not oversharing to random strangers or keeping everything locked away. They reveal specific vulnerabilities at specific times to build specific connections.
This isn’t manipulation. It’s understanding that vulnerability has power, and that power should be used intentionally. They might share a struggle with someone going through something similar, not to trauma-bond but to create genuine understanding. They know when opening up will strengthen a relationship and when it will just make things awkward.
4. They collect examples of their own hypocrisy
Most of us hate noticing when we contradict ourselves. We rationalize it away or simply don’t look too closely. People with high emotional intelligence do the opposite. They actively search for moments when their behavior doesn’t match their stated values.
I keep a note on my phone titled “Times I Was Full of It.” It includes moments like when I complained about someone being judgmental right before judging someone else. Or when I preached work-life balance while responding to emails at midnight. These aren’t items of shame. They’re data points that help me understand my own patterns and blind spots.
Research from organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich found that 95% of people think they’re self-aware, but only 10-15% actually are. Collecting evidence of your own contradictions is one way to join that smaller, more honest group.
5. They assign emotions to body parts
This one sounds like something from a wellness retreat, but hear me out. When emotionally intelligent people feel something intense, they locate exactly where it lives in their body. Anxiety might be a tightness in their chest. Anger could be heat in their shoulders. Sadness might settle in their throat.
By mapping emotions physically, they can address them more directly. Instead of spiraling into anxious thoughts, they might do shoulder rolls or breathing exercises targeting that specific area. This isn’t about bypassing emotions. It’s about understanding them as full-body experiences rather than just mental events.
6. They keep a “misunderstanding journal”
Every time there’s a communication breakdown, emotionally intelligent people document it. Not to assign blame, but to spot patterns in how they’re being misunderstood or how they’re misunderstanding others.
After a few months, themes emerge. Maybe you consistently come across as dismissive when you think you’re being helpful. Maybe people often misread your emails as angry when you’re just being direct. These patterns are invisible until you track them. Once you see them, you can adjust how you communicate.
7. They practice “emotional forecasting”
Before major events or decisions, people with high emotional intelligence spend time predicting how they’ll feel in various scenarios. Not just whether they’ll be happy or sad, but the specific texture of those emotions.
If they take that new job, will the stress feel energizing or draining? If they end that relationship, will the freedom feel liberating or terrifying? They sit with these questions seriously, even when the answers are uncomfortable.
This habit comes from understanding that we’re notoriously bad at predicting our emotional responses. By thinking through emotional possibilities ahead of time, emotionally intelligent people make decisions with clearer eyes.
8. They deliberately seek out opposing viewpoints
Most of us avoid people who disagree with us. It’s uncomfortable. Emotionally intelligent people do something counterintuitive. They regularly expose themselves to perspectives that challenge their worldview, not to argue but to understand.
This doesn’t mean spending time with people who are cruel or harmful. It means reading articles from publications they usually disagree with. Having conversations with people whose life experiences differ wildly from their own. Asking genuine questions instead of waiting to make their point.
The book I mentioned earlier addresses this beautifully. Rudá Iandê has acknowledged this in his work before, but it bears repeating: learning to sit with discomfort and uncertainty is where real growth happens. When you can hold space for ideas that threaten your existing beliefs without immediately defending yourself, you develop an emotional flexibility that serves you everywhere.
9. They maintain a “gratitude and grievance” practice
Here’s the weird part. While many people keep gratitude journals, emotionally intelligent people also keep grievance journals. Not to wallow, but to acknowledge what genuinely bothers them without letting it consume their relationships.
They might write: “I’m grateful my partner is spontaneous. I’m grieving that this spontaneity sometimes means plans I value get canceled.” Both things can be true. By naming both, they avoid the trap of either idealizing people or only seeing their flaws.
This practice comes from understanding that every strength has a shadow side. The same trait that attracts you to someone can also drive you crazy. Acknowledging both sides helps you respond to people as they actually are rather than who you wish they’d be.
Final thoughts
None of these habits look particularly glamorous. They won’t show up in inspirational Instagram posts. But they work because they’re rooted in something deeper than positive thinking or social performance.
Emotional intelligence isn’t about being nice or always knowing what to say. It’s about developing an honest, ongoing relationship with your inner world and using that awareness to navigate your outer world more skillfully. The people who excel at this have usually built their own strange toolkit of practices that keep them grounded, curious, and real.
What weird emotional habit might serve you? The answer probably won’t look like anyone else’s, and that’s exactly the point.
Just launched: The Vessel’s Youtube Channel
Explore our first video: The Brain Beneath Our Feet — a short-film by shaman Rudá Iandê that challenges where we believe intelligence comes from.
Instead of looking to the stars or machines, Rudá invites us to consider that the first great mind on Earth may have existed without a brain at all… and that the oldest form of thought might be living beneath our feet.
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