Last week, I was catching up with an old college friend at my usual spot in the East Village when she mentioned she was stressed about finding childcare.
“Why don’t you just hire an au pair?” I suggested, stirring my oat milk latte. “That’s what my neighbor did, and she loves the cultural exchange aspect.”
The look on her face stopped me cold.
I’d done it again. Without thinking, I’d offered a solution that assumed everyone has a spare bedroom and an extra $20,000 a year lying around.
That moment of recognition still stings. Even after years of practicing mindfulness and trying to stay aware of my own blind spots, I still catch myself saying things that reveal just how insulated my world can be.
The truth is, many of us who’ve grown up or settled into upper-middle-class lives don’t realize how our everyday language can alienate others or sound completely tone-deaf. We’re not trying to be insensitive. We’ve simply normalized experiences that are anything but normal for most people.
Today, I want to share eight phrases I’ve caught myself and others using that reveal more about our privilege than we might intend.
1) “I’m so broke right now”
This one makes me cringe every time it slips out.
What I usually mean is that I’ve maxed out my discretionary spending budget for the month or that I need to transfer money from savings to checking.
But saying you’re “broke” when you have a retirement account, health insurance, and know exactly where next month’s rent is coming from?
That’s not broke. That’s temporarily inconvenienced.
I’ve started catching myself before this phrase escapes. Instead, I’ll say something like “I’m trying to stick to my budget this month” or “I’m being more mindful about spending.”
Language matters. When we casually throw around “broke,” we minimize the real financial anxiety that millions of people face daily.
2) “Just take some time off to figure things out”
A few years back, when I was transitioning from my marketing role to full-time writing, I took three months to “find myself.”
I spent mornings doing yoga, afternoons writing in cafes, and weekends exploring meditation retreats upstate.
It was transformative. It was also only possible because I had savings, a partner with steady income, and zero dependents.
When someone’s struggling with their career or life direction, suggesting they “just take time off” assumes they have:
• Financial cushion to cover expenses without income
• No family members depending on their paycheck
• Health insurance that isn’t tied to employment
• The luxury of putting career advancement on pause
The intention behind this advice is usually good. We want people to prioritize their wellbeing.
But there are other ways to support someone without assuming they can afford a life sabbatical.
3) “Money doesn’t buy happiness”
This phrase rolls off the tongue so easily when you’ve never worried about making rent.
Yes, research shows that beyond a certain income level, more money doesn’t significantly increase happiness.
But you know what money does buy?
Security. Healthcare. Nutritious food. Safe housing. Quality education. The ability to leave toxic situations.
Money buys the absence of money-related stress, which for many people would be revolutionary.
I’ve learned to retire this phrase completely. When conversations about wealth and happiness come up, I try to acknowledge that financial security provides essential peace of mind before diving into discussions about finding meaning beyond material success.
4) “Everything happens for a reason”
Standing in my temperature-controlled apartment, with excellent health insurance and a stable income, it’s easy to believe the universe has a plan.
But tell that to someone who just lost their job without warning and has no safety net.
Tell that to someone facing medical bankruptcy despite doing everything “right.”
This phrase can feel especially cruel to people dealing with systemic disadvantages or genuine tragedy. Sometimes terrible things happen to good people for no cosmic reason at all.
When friends share their struggles, I’ve learned to simply listen and validate their experience rather than trying to find silver linings they didn’t ask for.
5) “You should invest in yourself”
Whether it’s suggesting someone get a graduate degree, hire a life coach, or attend that $500 personal development workshop, this advice assumes significant disposable income.
“Investing in yourself” often requires actual capital that many people need for groceries and rent.
The same goes for “treat yourself” culture. Self-care has become synonymous with spending money, when for many people, the most radical self-care would be financial stability.
6) “Just follow your passion”
I followed my passion to become a writer. You know what made that possible?
Years of savings from a well-paying marketing job, no student loans (thanks to my parents), and a partner whose income could cover our basic expenses during my transition.
Following your passion is a luxury available to those who can afford to take risks.
Most people need to follow a paycheck first, and maybe, if they’re lucky, they can inch toward their passions over time.
7) “We’re all in the same boat”
The pandemic really exposed this one, didn’t it?
While I was adjusting to Zoom yoga classes and missing my favorite coffee shops, others were risking their lives as essential workers or losing their livelihoods entirely.
We might all be weathering the same storm, but we’re definitely not all in the same boat.
Some of us are in yachts. Some are in lifeboats. Some are treading water.
Acknowledging different circumstances doesn’t divide us. It helps us understand each other better and respond with more appropriate support.
8) “Why don’t you just…”
Just move to a cheaper city. Just get a better job. Just go back to school. Just leave that relationship.
Every “just” assumes a level of mobility, resources, and freedom that isn’t universal.
During my minimalism journey, I’ve had to examine my own “justs” carefully. It’s easy for me to suggest someone “just declutter” when I have the privilege of re-purchasing anything I might need later.
The word “just” minimizes complexity. It implies that solutions are simple when for many people, they’re anything but.
Final thoughts
Recognizing these phrases in our own vocabulary isn’t about guilt or shame.
It’s about awareness.
Every time I catch myself about to say one of these phrases, I pause. That pause creates space for empathy, for better questions, for more inclusive language.
We can’t help the circumstances we were born or grew into. But we can help how we show up in conversation, how we make others feel, and whether our words build bridges or walls.
The goal isn’t perfection. I still slip up, as my au pair comment proved.
The goal is consciousness. Catching ourselves. Adjusting. Learning.
What phrases have you noticed in your own vocabulary that might reveal blind spots?
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