Manipulation and influence. They may sound similar, but there’s a world of difference between the two.
Manipulation is all about getting people to do what you want, but without them knowing your real intentions. It’s a game of chess where the other person doesn’t even know they’re playing. Sounds sneaky, right?
Influence, however, is more about guiding someone towards making their own decision, but with a gentle nudge in the direction you believe is best.
As someone who knows the difference, I can tell you that manipulators often have a certain set of phrases they rely on to get their way.
In this article, we’re going to uncover 10 phrases only manipulative people use, according to psychology.
Let’s get started.
1) Trust me…
In the realm of manipulation, words are a key weapon.
Manipulators are experts at using language to their advantage, and one phrase that frequently pops up is “Trust me.”
On the surface, it seems like a reassurance. A gentle phrase meant to comfort and build trust. But according to psychology, it can also be a red flag.
Experts suggest that manipulative people often use this phrase as a tool of persuasion. It’s a way to convince you to let down your guard and go along with their plans, without questioning their motives or actions.
“Trust me,” they say, and like magic, we’re more inclined to believe they have our best interests at heart. But remember – genuine trust is earned through consistent actions over time, not simply granted because someone asks for it.
When you hear “Trust me,” take a moment to consider the context. Are they offering reassurances based on truth and transparency? Or is it a subtle way to steer you towards their agenda? These are crucial questions to ask, especially when dealing with potential manipulators.
2) I’m just saying…
Manipulators are crafty. They have a knack for saying things without really saying them. And one phrase they often use is “I’m just saying…”
Let me share a personal example with you. I had a friend who would always use this phrase right after making a negative comment or critique. It was like their get-out-of-jail-free card, a way to voice their criticism without taking responsibility for it.
For instance, they might say, “Your new haircut is… different. I mean, if you like it, that’s what matters. I’m just saying…”
This phrase was always followed by an awkward silence, leaving me to wonder if I had made a wrong choice or if there was something wrong with my haircut. The thing is, they were using “I’m just saying…” to manipulate the situation and plant seeds of doubt in my head without appearing to be confrontational or critical.
” I’m just saying…” is often a manipulative tactic to voice an unkind opinion without facing repercussions. If you ever hear this phrase, keep in mind that the speaker might be trying to manipulate you subtly.
3) You’re too sensitive
Another phrase that manipulators often use is “You’re too sensitive.” This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting, a manipulation technique that makes the victim question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity.
Gaslighting comes from a 1944 movie called “Gaslight,” where a husband manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane. Similarly, when someone tells you that “you’re too sensitive,” they’re trying to make you question your own reactions and emotions.
This phrase is particularly harmful because it can make people feel guilty for expressing their feelings and standing up for themselves. It can also lead to self-doubt and lower self-esteem.
When you hear someone telling you that “you’re too sensitive,” remember this: your feelings are valid, and no one has the right to dismiss them. It’s essential to trust your own emotions and instincts, especially when dealing with potentially manipulative people.
4) I don’t want to argue
Manipulative people are often masters of deflection, and one phrase they frequently use to avoid accountability is “I don’t want to argue.”
This statement may seem harmless on the surface, like someone just trying to avoid unnecessary conflict. However, in many cases, it is a subtle way for manipulators to sidestep discussions that could lead to them being challenged or held responsible for their actions.
By asserting that they don’t want to argue, they effectively shut down the conversation, leaving the other person feeling invalidated and unheard. This can create an imbalance in the relationship, where one person’s thoughts and feelings are consistently dismissed.
When you hear “I don’t want to argue,” take a moment to analyze the situation. Is it an attempt to avoid a healthy discussion? If so, it might be a sign of manipulative behavior.
5) I was just joking
Manipulative individuals have a tendency to hide their true intentions behind humor, often using the phrase “I was just joking” as a cover for their hurtful comments or actions.
The problem with this phrase is that it allows the manipulator to say something harmful or offensive, but then dismiss any negative response as overreacting or not having a sense of humor. It’s a classic example of manipulation because it shifts the blame from the speaker to the listener.
If you hear “I was just joking” after a comment that feels belittling or disrespectful, it’s important to trust your feelings. You have every right to express that a joke was hurtful or inappropriate, regardless of the speaker’s intention.
6) You owe me
Manipulative people are often very good at keeping score. They remember every little thing they’ve done for you, and they’re not afraid to remind you of it using the phrase “You owe me.”
This phrase is manipulative because it uses guilt to pressure you into doing something you might not want to do. It turns acts of kindness into transactions, and relationships into debts to be repaid.
Remember, true friendship and love are not about keeping score. They’re about mutual respect and support, without expecting something in return. If someone frequently reminds you that “you owe them,” it’s possible they’re using manipulation to control the relationship.
It’s important to remember, you don’t owe anyone your time, energy, or personal space. The only thing we truly owe each other is respect and kindness, and these cannot be demanded or used as leverage.
7) Nobody else will love you like I do
Here’s a phrase that manipulators often use: “Nobody else will love you like I do.”
Once, in a past relationship, this phrase was used to keep me from leaving, to make me feel like there were no better options out there. It was a way to keep me dependent and fearful of being alone.
This phrase is particularly damaging because it preys on self-doubt and insecurity. And it can be used in any type of relationship, not just romantic ones.
When someone says, “Nobody else will love you like I do,” it’s usually not about love at all. It’s about control. It’s important to recognize this phrase for what it is – a manipulative tactic designed to make you feel trapped and without choices.
8) I’m sorry you feel that way
At first glance, “I’m sorry you feel that way” might seem like an apology. But upon closer examination, it’s anything but.
This phrase is a classic non-apology often used by manipulators. Instead of accepting responsibility for their actions or acknowledging the harm they’ve caused, they shift the focus onto the other person’s feelings.
The implication is that it’s not the manipulator’s actions that are the problem, but rather your reaction to them. It’s a clever way of deflecting blame and avoiding accountability.
While “I’m sorry you feel that way” might sound like a sincere apology, in many cases it’s just another tool in a manipulator’s arsenal. Always remember, a genuine apology involves acknowledging one’s mistakes and making amends, not deflecting blame onto others.
9) I never said that
Manipulators often use the phrase “I never said that” to rewrite history and make you question your own memory. This is another form of gaslighting, and it’s a favorite tactic among those who wish to control or dominate others.
This phrase can be incredibly disorienting. It makes you question your own sanity and recall, creating an imbalance of power in the manipulator’s favor.
If you find yourself hearing “I never said that” frequently, especially when you’re sure of your recollection, it could be a sign of manipulation. Remember, trust in your memory and intuition is vital in protecting yourself against such tactics.
10) It’s for your own good
The phrase “It’s for your own good” is often the manipulator’s final card. It’s a way of justifying their actions, even when those actions cause harm or discomfort.
This phrase is manipulative because it implies that the manipulator knows better than you about what’s good for you. It undermines your ability to make decisions for yourself.
Remember, you’re the best judge of what’s good for you. If someone continually insists they know better, it could be a sign of manipulation. Stand firm in your autonomy and trust your judgement.
Final thoughts: It’s about awareness
Understanding manipulation is not just about identifying tricky phrases. It’s about being aware of the dynamics at play in our interactions.
The key lies in our ability to discern the intent behind the words, the subtle shifts in power, the attempts to deflect blame, or invalidate feelings. It’s about recognizing when respect and empathy are missing from a conversation.
When we arm ourselves with awareness, manipulative phrases lose their power over us. We are better equipped to protect our emotional wellbeing and maintain healthier relationships.
Remember, the goal is not to become paranoid, suspecting manipulation in every interaction. Instead, it’s about fostering a sense of mindfulness that helps us navigate our relationships with clarity and confidence.
So, the next time you hear one of these phrases, pause. Reflect. Ask yourself, ‘What’s really going on here?’ And trust that you have the knowledge and insight to answer that question accurately.
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